


First Contact

by hookedontaronfics



Category: British Actor RPF, Taron Egerton - Fandom
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Female Friendship, Fluff and Humor, London, Self Confidence Issues, Slow Burn, learning to love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-23
Updated: 2019-11-01
Packaged: 2020-07-11 23:11:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 51,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19936072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hookedontaronfics/pseuds/hookedontaronfics
Summary: This series follows the adventures of O/C characters Jess, Jules and Mary, who are roommates/friends. A chance fan encounter with Taron leads to more for one of the friends. Plenty of fluff developing into more mature themes, so be warned.





	1. Chapter 1

The first time I met Taron Egerton, it was raining. Storming, really, the rain coming down in heavy sheets as my friends and I ducked into a nearby Tesco. We were giggling and breathless after the mad dash for cover, the first crack of thunder announcing the sudden storm.

There we stood, between the bags of crisps and racks of tabloids, wringing out our hair and rather making a mess of the floor.

“I am absolutely soaked,” Jules laughed, waving her arms wildly and sending a spray of droplets our way.

“Jesus, you’re going to get us kicked out of here!” I laughed, grabbing her arm and pulling her down an aisle, our friend and roomie Mary following along behind us, our sneakers squeaking against the tile floor. Thankfully, none of the clerks seemed to give us a second look as we found ourselves aimlessly wandering and trying to unstick our wet clothes from our skin.

“I knew we should have brought umbrellas!” Mary grumbled playfully in her German accent. She had just moved to London recently, and become the perfect third roommate for Jules and me.

“Alright, you were right!” I laughed. “Again!” I smirked, tossing a bag of crisps at her, which she caught easily before placing it back on the shelf.

“Well, should we get anything while we’re here?” Jules asked.

“Brown sauce. I just finished the last of it,” I laughed.

“God, you’re obsessed,” Jules said, tugging on my arm toward the condiment aisle.

“You don’t understand! We don’t have it where I’m from! I had to order it from Amazon!” I laugh, all three of us wiping tears out of our eyes as we laughed over that.

“My poor American friend,” Jules said, patting my arm as we turned the corner into the aisle lined with bottles of mustards and salad cream. That’s when I saw _him_ and stopped dead in my tracks, Mary practically plowing into me from behind. I must have made a strangled sound, because Jules looked over at me, her eyes wide.

See, here’s the thing: I was a huge fan of Taron Egerton. I’d watched every movie he’d ever done, read every interview and watched hours of videos on YouTube, possibly to the point where my friends worried about my sanity. I’d never met him, of course, and didn’t think chances like that happened to girls like me. Cons were too expensive and, well, bumping into him on the street had only been a fantasy. And yet, there he was, in all his gorgeous charm, wearing jeans that were far too tight and a blue blazer over his usual white shirt, basket in hand.

Before I had a chance to think, let alone react, Jules gave me a wicked grin and, quick as a flash, grabbed a bottle of brown sauce off the shelf and expertly rolled it down the tile like she was bowling.

I stood there, mouth open, absolutely dumbfounded, as the bottle came to a stop against Taron’s shoe and he looked up and over at me. Of course Jules and Mary had already disappeared around the corner, leaving me to try and find my voice and say anything at all.

“I believe this is yours,” Taron said, holding out the bottle to me. For a long moment I just stood there and stared, before managing to regain my composure.

“Ah, yes. Clumsy me,” I tried to smile brightly.

“Yeah, only it was your friend trying to get you in trouble, wasn’t it?” he said, giving me the warmest smile. I felt the blush creeping up my neck and willed it to not make my face red.

“Maybe you’re the kind of trouble I’ve been looking to get into,” I said, the words tumbling out before I had a chance to stop them. Now I was fully blushing. “Sorry, that was creepy, wasn’t it?” I said, and he laughed.

“Well, no one’s yet tried to pick me up in a Tesco, so it’s definitely a first,” he grinned at me. “It’s Taron, by the way,” he said, as if I didn’t already know that. Those peridot eyes of his had a way of making girls stupid, and I was no exception.

“Uh, Jess…,” I said, stumbling over my own name.

He tilted his head slightly and grinned. “Jessica, or…?” he asked.

“I just go by Jess,” I managed, though the way he’d said Jessica made me sort of want to faint. _Get a grip_ , I told myself. “And I don’t know why no one’s tried to pick you up here. It’s quite romantic, between the gravies and puddings,” I said, hoping that sounded as witty as I thought it did and not just pathetic, but Taron obliged me and chuckled.

“Well, thank you for being the saviour of my brown sauce,” I grinned, having been hugging the bottle to myself for lack of anything better to do with my hands.

“You’re quite welcome,” he replied politely, and for a moment I was caught up gazing at his face, at the way the corners of his eyes crinkled when he smiled.

“Right. I should…go then,” I said, suddenly feeling awkward and all-too-aware of my all-too-American accent despite the fact that I’d been living in London for about a year. “I hate to take up your time when you’re clearly just shopping. I’m also sorry about my friends being obnoxious,” I added for good measure.

“Don’t worry about that, it’s been a pleasure,” he smiled. “You’ve been quite lovely,” he said, making my head swim a bit.

“Thanks,” I said, shivering as a blast of air conditioning hit me, and he seemed to notice for the first time that I looked a bit like a drowned rat. I could only hope my makeup hadn’t already melted down my face.

“My god, you’re soaked to the bone!” he said, suddenly concerned.

“It just started storming out of nowhere!” I replied with an indignant laugh. “I won’t melt, but it’s freezing in here.”

“Right, I know just the thing you need,” he said, snapping his fingers. “Where’d your friends get off to?” he said, walking resolutely toward the end of the aisle to find them there, giggling unashamedly. Of course.

“Come on then, you girls need some warming up,” he said, beckoning us all to follow him as he made his way to the store’s cafe, and subsequently offered to buy us all a coffee to warm us up. Jules mouthed “oh my god” before wiggling her eyebrows at me. I just rolled my eyes back at her, but inside I felt like squealing.

“Thank you, Taron, this is too much,” I tried to say, but he simply waved it off and then handed us each a steaming cup.

“Nonsense. You’ve been kind to me,” he said, and I wondered if he meant that I hadn’t rushed at him or asked for a selfie. Because mostly all I’d done was blush and try not to say anything exceedingly embarrassing.

“You know, Jess here is one of your biggest fans,” Mary grinned, putting her equally wet arm around me and snickering as my cup nearly slipped from my fingers in response. I quickly set it down on the table we were standing near, not trusting myself to hold onto it.

“Really,” Taron just laughed before smirking at me. “So you instantly knew who I was, love?” I could only nod, feeling slightly mortified. “Well,” he replied, grabbing one of my hands in his and, to my disbelief, lifting it up to his face and placing a sweet kiss on the back of my hand. “The world needs more fans like you.” His eyes fairly sparkled at me, and before I managed to say anything more, he nodded at both Jules and Mary, said “Good day, ladies,” picked up his basket and left. The chills running down my spine were no longer from the cold.

Jules and Mary and I slid into the booth, sipping at our coffees before Jules broke the silence by fairly squealing at me. “ _Oh my god_ , Jess, that happened! Taron Egerton just bought us coffees!”

“And he kissed your hand! You’re never washing that again,” Mary joked.

“Eww,” I laughed, still having a hard time believing it had happened at all. “Am I going to wake up just to find this was a lovely dream? Because that’s been my life,” I said, shaking my head. Jules reached over and pinched my arm lightly. “Ouch!” I said, snatching my arm away from her and rubbing it.

“Nope, definitely real,” she just grinned.

“You should definitely write a fic about this!” Mary giggled. “I bet it would be super cute.”

“I don’t know, you guys,” I said. “It’s not like I have picture proof!” I added, playfully pouting.

“Or do you,” Jules grinned like a mad cat, holding out her phone and showing me that she’d been peeking around the corner snapping photos while I’d been talking to Taron in the aisle. I gasped out loud. Most of them were slightly blurry or I looked mostly awful, but there were a couple snaps that could be classified as cute. Okay, at least on Taron’s part.

“Jules, I freaking love you!” I shouted, disturbing some patrons nearby as Mary shushed me playfully. 

Jules texted the photos to me and grinned. “You’d better thank me later. You would have never said anything to him without me.”

“Do you want an award or something?” I laughed lightly, just staring at the photos while we finished our coffees, feeling indeed much warmer than before.

“So, ladies, shall we get on with our day?” Jules said in her eternally cheerful British accent.

“I’ve still got to pay for my brown sauce!” I laughed. “The sauce that started it all.” Mary and Jules giggled at that, following me to the checkout and then back out into the world, the sun shining brightly now that the storm had moved on through. I couldn’t help but smile up at it, aware of just how special the moment had been for me.

I knew I would have to figure out how to share the loveliness that was my experience with Taron, because the world needed to know how fantastically sweet he was, how kind and considerate, but for now, it was my moment to savor.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The second installment in the First Contact series takes our three best friends on a fun Saturday night on the town and a surprise second encounter with Taron.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Some light cursing and alcohol use

**Opening Scene.** _Int. A cheery maisonette in Muswell Hill, London. Saturday evening. Three roommates are sitting in the reception room, the evening sun pouring through the window, casting a warm glow. Two roommates are idly chatting and watching the telly, while the third roommate furiously types away -_

“Hey!” Jules’ voice interrupted my thoughts, mid-type. “No working! It’s a Saturday. We’re going to go out and have fun!” she said.

“I’m not working!” I insisted, quickly hitting the save button and closing my laptop.

“Yeah right, it’s all you do,” Mary agreed.

“Well, I’ve just landed this position and I want to show I can excel at it,” I said, feeling the need to defend myself. But I truly hadn’t been working on a script, at least not for work. 

“And I actually like my job, unlike you lot,” I added cheekily as Jules tossed a couch pillow at me.

“Look, we all know how brillo you are! They wouldn’t have promoted you if they didn’t think it too,” she smiled. “But you also need to have some fun once in a while.”

“Yeah, yeah,” I said with a grin. “So what did you have in mind?”

“Well, Jules and I were thinking of checking out this really fun place on Kingsland High Street …” Mary started.

“Yeah, it’s a karaoke bar and the hosts for the evening are drag queens!” Jules added with an excited squeal. “How fun will that be?”

“Uhh, you guys know I don’t sing!” I protested.

“Well you can just be a killjoy, but you’re still coming with us,” Jules replied, taking my laptop and shoving it under the couch cushion for good measure.

“Come on, then,” Mary grinned, pulling me to my feet and dragging me along to my room so I could start getting ready. After some deliberation I finally chose to wear a simple black dress over a black-and-white checkered button-down shirt. Minimalist was the way to go so I wouldn’t grab anyone’s attention, lest they try to pull me up on stage with them. I kept my makeup neutral except for a bright pink lippy and tousled my hair before deeming myself “night-on-the-town” worthy.

My friends, it would turn out, decided to make this process a lot more time-consuming. So with time to kill, I dug my laptop out from under the couch cushion, disturbing Tim, Mary’s cat, who had been stretched out and sleeping. I apologized by giving him an extra scratch behind the ears, to which he simply meowed at me indignantly and then returned to his nap.

“Suit yourself, Tim,” I giggled, perching on the ottoman and opening my laptop again. I’d set my desktop background as one of the pictures from my Tesco run-in with Taron two months ago, and it never failed to make me smile. 

Of course my friends and I had gone over every single detail of the interaction, in great length and with a lot of wine. I’d still not been able to share the experience online, partly because I didn’t want crazier fans then me to feel the need to stalk him in places like the supermarket. Taron had been kind and friendly, of course, but at the heart of it, he was just going about his life like any of us might. Being famous wasn’t an invitation to intrude upon his life in that way.

Still, as I looked at the photo, I couldn’t help but daydream a little about what could have been. Could a chance, simple encounter really turn into more?

“That’s what you’re wearing?” Jules asked, breaking into my reverie, standing in front of me with her hands on her hips. “You’ll totally blend in… with the furniture!”

“That’s the point, Jules. I’m not changing, so can we just get this over with already?” I whined slightly.

“You will have fun, so help me!” Jules replied as Mary sashayed into the room as well, playfully tossing her hair about. Both of my roommates were in bright colorful dresses; I looked like the drab au pair next to them, but I didn’t mind. We were in high spirits as we locked up our flat and made our way to the tube, my friends awkwardly tottering on their heels and me making fun of them for their impractical footwear.

The transit to Kingsland High was uneventful, and soon we were standing before the neon sign of the Karaoke Hole. A few people were standing outside, smoking or just talking, and we could hear the strains of music and laughter filtering outside.

We had to get our ID’s checked at the front before walking into the neon-lit bar, immediately besieged by the amount of glitter in the room. And feathers. And neon. And basically every wild, outrageous piece of clothing someone could adorn their body with. I suddenly felt very much out of place and as conspicuous as I had been trying not to be.

We quickly ordered drinks, giggling over the names of the various cocktails in the LGBTQ+ friendly venue. Oh, this could be a fun night after all. The booths were all full, and we hadn’t made a booking, so I was truly grateful I’d chosen a pair of sensible flats for the standing-room night. The karaoke was already in full swing, and the hosts were engaging and welcoming to everyone there.

Jules, Mary and I were caught up in the joy of it, cheering right along with everyone for each singer or group that braved the stage. But there was no way I was getting up on that stage, even with my roomies begging me to go with them. I waved and cheered as loud as anyone as Mary and Jules stepped up to the stage, microphones in hand, looking every bit the stars I knew my roomies to be as they launched into a flamboyantly off-key version of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive.”

I stood around, taking in the packed crowd, men and women of all stripes and colors here just to have a good time. It genuinely filled me with happiness to see everyone getting along, like we’d all been invited to the same exclusive party. 

When my friends returned to me, breathless and giggling, I was sure to congratulate them profusely, overblowing it on purpose until Mary told me good-naturedly to shut up. I snickered and finished my drink as the first notes of a song I instantly recognized blared out, and my eyes instantly snapped to the stage in hope. But the person about to sing George Michael’s “Faith” wasn’t who I hoped it to be, even though I knew it was completely silly of me to think I’d have a second chance to meet Taron. Still, a girl could hope, right?

Embarrassed by my private disappointment, I mumbled something to Jules and Mary about needing another drink, and politely pushed my way between sweaty glittering bodies to the bar. I had to fairly clamber onto a stool and lean over the bartop to yell my order to the bartender over the enthusiastic rendition coming from the speakers.

“I could sing it better,” someone to my right said, and I nearly fell off the stool the second I recognized that accent.

“Excuse me?” I laughed, spinning around to face the person who was most certainly the object of my fangirl dreams.

“That’s my song. I always sing it,” Taron smirked lightly. If he recognized me at all ( _which I mean, how could he?_ ), he didn’t let on.

“What are you gonna do, go up there and show him up?” I teased as the bartender placed my cocktail in front of me. I took a couple sips and savored it for a moment, also secretly checking out Taron over the rim of the glass in the process.

“Ahh, haven’t had enough drinks yet. And I’m not an arse,” he grinned, waving his empty bottle at the bartender to indicate he’d like another.

“This time it’s on me,” I said, tossing a couple bills on the bartop as the bartender handed Taron another beer. His green eyes looked sweetly baffled at me below the brim of the hat he was wearing, and my heart sank just a tiny bit. _So no, he didn’t remember who I was_ , I thought to myself.

“Well, enjoy your night,” I said, smiling and trying to pass it off as me just being an overly generous person. I hopped off the stool and turned to go back to my friends, but he reached over and tapped me on the arm, leaning in close to me to speak as the bar volume suddenly jumped. I realized I could feel his breath on my skin, and I tried not to gasp.

“I didn’t buy you a coffee as a quid pro quo, Jessica,” he said, and I didn’t even correct him on my name as my heart nearly stopped beating and reality slammed back into me. _He actually remembered me_ , I thought stupidly, shocked into speechlessness for a moment. I suddenly felt my world tilt just a little, and everyone felt way too close. The music was too loud, and the lights were far too bright. Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was the proximity of Taron, or maybe just my general anxiety, but I suddenly felt like I had no air to breathe. Taron said something, but I couldn’t make out the words.

“I…I’ll be right back,” I managed to stammer, before making a mad dash for the door, weaving between people until I could push the door open and nearly fell flat on my face tripping over the steps on the way to the sidewalk. I rushed past some people smoking near the entrance, who glanced at me and then went back to their conversation, before leaning against a light pole and sucking in huge breaths of air, trying to calm myself down. 

Angry at myself and embarrassed over my panic didn’t even remotely begin to describe how I felt at that moment, moving through emotions too fast to even process them. And nothing had even happened, not really, other then Taron having an unusually impeccable memory. I really needed to get a grip on myself. I pulled my phone out of my purse, which had been slung around my body, ready to text Jules and Mary to come out and rescue me as I surely couldn’t face Taron again, when the door swung open and he made a beeline over to me.

“Are you okay?” he asked gently, keeping his distance until he was sure I could handle it.

“Just peachy,” I breathed, making him tilt his head again.

“Is that a particular phrase said in the States?” he asked, willing to distract me from whatever had caused my panic.

“Uh, yeah, I suppose so,” I said, even managing to laugh a little. “It’s painful how American I still am, isn’t it? I’ve been living here a year already!”

“It’s not so bad. Where you’re from is an important part of who you are,” he said sweetly, stepping a bit closer as he could see me relaxing. “I’d never want to take that away from someone.”

“You’re really … real, aren’t you, Taron Egerton?” I laughed softly, knowing that probably didn’t make any sense to him, but he stayed quiet, allowing me time to elaborate. “I mean, just as sweet and kind in person as everyone thinks you are. That’s kind of rare.”

“Thank you, I… That’s generous of you,” he said, closing his eyes and nodding his head in that way he did when he was humbled by a compliment.

“Well, I mean it. First you save my brown sauce, then you rescue me from panicking over nothing. I’m beginning to rack up quite a tab,” I joked.

“Hmmm, that’s a bit of a problem, innit?” he said, slowly smirking at me again. “I suppose you could repay it by having you and your mates join me and my mates at our booth. We’ve plenty of room,” he said, giving me his most winsome gaze, his eyes passing over me head to toe. I was grateful for the shadows cast by the street light, as I’m sure I was a bright shade of scarlet.

“Can’t say no to that, now can I?” I smiled, biting my lip slightly as he reached out and offered his hand to me in a gesture of support. I slipped my hand in his, noting that he threaded his fingers with mine as he led me back inside.

We quickly found Jules and Mary dancing together, clearly a bit drunk, and who hadn’t even noticed I’d been missing. _Great friends, those_ , I thought cheekily. When Jules saw Taron and me holding hands, she made a big show of it, pointing to our hands and then giving me a cheesy thumbs up. I would have felt embarrassed but Taron didn’t give me the chance, leading the three of us to the booth he and his friends had commandeered. He introduced us to a few people whose names I’d definitely forget later, then returned to the bar to replace our abandoned drinks.

When he’d returned, he slid into the booth next to me, so close that his thigh was directly against mine. And it was warm, very warm. I was distracted by the sensation for a moment, then chided myself and blushed, as if my thoughts had been posted on an electronic sign above my head for all to read. Still, those kinds of thoughts weren’t going to help me survive the night sitting next to Taron, so I tried my best to be chill, starting with downing my cocktail way too fast.

Jules and Mary had no problem joining the conversation with Taron’s friends, and I did my best to chime in when I could, getting a few laughs out of the table. More drinks and badly sung songs ensued until Taron drummed his hands on the table. “Only one person hasn’t yet gone up on stage,” he said, turning to me as his friends all “ooohh’d” at me.

“Oh no, no no no. I don’t sing,” I replied, trying to kibosh that whole idea before it started.

“Oh come on, love, it can’t be _that_ bad,” Taron chuckled, clearly feeling buzzed himself at this point. He took his hat off and plopped it on my head. “You’ll be a star,” he grinned, dragging out the word.

“I can’t go up there by myself,” I replied, desperately trying to come up with some reason other than that I was massively afraid to stand in front of all those people. “I have laryngitis!” I said, unable to keep a straight face at that as everyone else cracked up. I clearly needed to work on my lying game.

“Here, I’ll bargain with you,” Taron said, putting an arm around my shoulders lazily. “You and me. We’ll go up there together, and we’ll just have some fun, yeah? Forget everyone else in the room. I’ve got you,” he said, his eyes slightly glittering in the dark of the bar. I knew he’d said all of this just for my benefit, and it was getting difficult to turn him down. I looked over at Mary and Jules, both of whom knew about my anxiety. But they were both nodding their heads, trying to encourage me to overcome it.

So I agreed, against my better judgment. I quickly finished my cocktail, hoping that the liquid courage would kick in, and let Taron drag me up to the stage. We debated over a song for a little bit while waiting our turn, landing on something I actually knew by heart, so at least I wouldn’t be tripping over the words and embarrassing myself further.

When our names were announced and we hopped up on the stage, our group of friends burst into ridiculous cheers, which made me blush some more and nearly want to bolt, but Taron was still holding my hand and it anchored me a bit. “Don’t look out there. Forget about them. Just focus on me,” he whispered, so I took a deep breath and did my best to take his advice. It wasn’t hard to focus on Taron, who looked almost rugged with his black blazer and stubble, his hair a bit flattened down from the hat that I was now wearing. It somehow made him look even more adorable, but I don’t think he could have looked anything less to me.

Our music started and Taron instantly lit up, the performer in him living for moments like these. My only hope was simply to survive. We’d chosen Elton John’s duet with Kiki Dee, the ever-catchy “Don’t Go Breaking My Heart.” Taron, bless his soul, did everything he could to get me to loosen up, and it somehow worked. I wasn’t glued to the monitor screen because I knew the words, and eventually even I was dancing a little bit with him, clearly being outshone but at least looking like I wasn’t totally out of my element. By the end of the song, I was beyond grateful to leave the stage, but also proud of myself for actually going through with it.

Taron grabbed me around my middle and cutely hugged me, picking me up off my feet and swinging me around slightly in his excitement over what we’d just done. “That was so good! I had no idea you had pipes on you like that!” he grinned, knocking his hat askew on my head a bit.

“I never said I can’t sing, only that I don’t,” I laughed, caught up in his excitement and the effects of alcohol.

“Well you really should more often,” he smiled, pulling me close so that he could fix the hat before dropping his hands down to my shoulders and staring at me for one awkward moment, as if he wanted to put them elsewhere but decided against it. “You have really beautiful eyes, has anyone told you that?” he asked.

“Not…not really, thank you,” I said, totally stunned as we stood there, the flow of the crowd around us totally forgotten. For that moment, it was just Taron and me.

But then the moment passed, and whatever he had thought to say, or do, he decided against.

I felt a pinprick of disappointment as he led me back to the table, ordering another round of shots for the table as everyone greeted me back with congratulations and praise that I had a half-decent voice. I gave them all smiles and tried to entertain Mary and Jules’ texts about how cute we had looked up on the stage together.

We all chatted some more and took the most ridiculous pictures with each other and the night wore on, Taron at times resting a hand on my knee, or even leaning his head against my shoulder, but making no further moves and I half-wondered if this was just how he was when he’d drunk far too much.

I got up to go to the bathroom, badly needing to pee at that point, and stewing on what Taron’s actions could possibly mean. It couldn’t be because he was attracted to me, I decided, especially as I’d chosen the most boring outfit in the world. At least his hat did something for my overall aesthetic, I thought, looking at myself in the mirror. My eyeliner had smudged a bit but didn’t look overall bad. I sighed and pushed my way into a stall, realizing once I sat down that I’d totally left my phone on the table. Jules was notorious for hacking my social media with stupid posts, especially when she was drunk.

Once I’d washed up and returned to the table, it hit me that I was absolutely knackered. I nearly stumbled, into Taron no less, trying to get back into the booth. “Guys, I so need to call it a night,” I said, unable to stop the yawn that escaped. Jules and Mary had been whispering and giggling together, but had stopped when I’d returned. If I hadn’t been so drunk myself, I would have been suspicious.

“You’re sure you need to go, darling?” Taron asked me, looking like he needed to find a place to pass out himself.

“Mmm yeah and I think you should too,” I smiled, trying to hand him his hat back, but he shook his head.

“Keep it, it’s a consolation prize,” he said, winking at me and making my insides melt. If there’s one thing I can tell you, Taron Egerton could stop traffic with that wink of his.

“You’re absolutely ridiculous,” I giggled, stuffing my phone back in my purse. “Thank you for the fun night. It was really, really great.” _And you’re bloody gorgeous_ , I thought drunkenly, glad those words didn’t leave my mouth.

“The pleasure has been all mine,” Taron smiled, nodding to the rest of his group as Jules and Mary and I managed to extricate ourselves from the booth without breaking an ankle. We all took our good-byes, making empty promises to hang out again some time, and Taron escorted us outside and helped flag down a taxi for us. He was a gentleman through and through. He offered hugs to the three of us, maybe hugging onto me a little longer than was necessary, and made sure we were safely in the cab and on our way before returning to the bar. My last image of him was his hand raised in a half-wave, his crooked smile fading into the darkness.

By the time we arrived back at our flat, my head was absolutely pounding. Mary shook me to rouse me from my stupor, half-slumped against the cab door and probably not remotely attractive at all. The street light outside hurt my eyes, and I was starting to get grumpy that I wasn’t already safely tucked in my bed.

“You always do this! I hate your grump stage, it’s such a bummer!” Jules complained, tearing off her dress and dumping it in our main room.

Mary shook her head at our roommate’s exhibitionist streak and quickly took me by the shoulders and escorted me to our shared bathroom. “Just take a bath and relax and you’ll feel better, promise,” she smiled, as if she’d done this many times before.

“Okay, mom,” I playfully whined, dumping my purse on the counter, my phone falling out onto the floor. I bent over to pick it up, swearing slightly and hoping I hadn’t cracked the screen, which had lit up showing my notifications. My eyes went wide as I noticed a text and I screamed, bringing Jules running, crowding into the small bathroom with us.

“WHAT IS THIS?” I yelled, shoving the phone in their faces. There, clearly visible on the screen, was a text message reading <Had a lovely night with you. Until next time, -T.>

“Oh, that,” Jules said offhandedly, as she and Mary exchanged glances with each other.

“Well, when you went to the bathroom, …” Mary began.

“I knew you wouldn’t do it yourself!” Jules interjected.

Mary squealed at that. “So when are you going to text him back?” she asked.

“Not with both of you breathing down my neck!” I laughed in a dazed manner, shooing them both out of the bathroom. “I love you guys,” I said, giving them the biggest smile.

“Love you back,” Mary said, making a heart with her hands while Jules just blew me a kiss, still only dressed in her skivvies.

I closed the door and sank down to the floor, staring at the text until my phone screen went blank again. I took a deep sigh and opened the message back up, my fingers hovering over the keys for a moment. <I had the best time. Hope you got home safe. -J>  
  
I set my phone aside and started the water, deciding on a quick shower instead of a bath. Once I was clean and feeling slightly better, I brushed my teeth, swallowed a couple painkillers, put on my jammies and nestled under the covers. I peeked at my phone again, half-afraid that there wouldn’t be a text back or it’d turn out to be a wrong number, even if that didn’t make sense as he’d texted me first.

My fears were proven false, though, as I had another text waiting for me. I opened it nervously. <You really think I’m bloody gorgeous?> I stared for a moment at the text, before throwing my head back and having to laugh. I definitely couldn’t trust myself when I was drunk, that’s for certain.

<I’ll ask sober me in the morning> I sent back with a winky face emoji before setting my phone aside for the night. My head was still pounding and I badly needed to sleep, no matter how tempting it would be to text Taron all hours of the night. 

From first contact to the second, I’d been given hope. Not that I was the perfect girl for Taron, or for anyone for that matter. But he’d seen me enough to care, maybe even to like me. And that was a future I’d be all too happy to wake up to the next morning.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A surprise third encounter with Taron while at work somehow leads to more. If you love cute, fluffy Taron, you’ll love this installment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Mild cursing

_Beep Beep. Beep Beep._

I groggily reached over to my nightstand and accidentally slapped my phone onto the floor, where the alarm continued to drum into my brain. With a groan, I rolled over and grabbed it from the floor, snoozing the alarm. _Just five more minutes ought to do it, right?_ , I thought blearily, pulling the covers up around my face to block the sunlight already filtering across my floor.

Just as I was about to fall back asleep, Mary burst into my room, making me groan loudly. “Go away,” I mumbled.

“Nope,” she said. “You need to get your arse up. Today’s a big day!” she said, her cheery mood just deepening my grumpiness. Some people were morning people; I was definitely not one of them. I turned over in an effort to ignore her, but she grabbed the edge of the covers and whipped them off the bed, the sudden cold air making me want to curl into a ball and stay there.

“God Mary, why do you have to be such a prat?” I asked, finally sitting up and rubbing my eyes.

“It’s not my bloody fault you went and got pissed last night,” she chided.

“Yeah, and you were there right along with me,” I laughed at that, finally swinging my feet to the floor just as my snoozed alarm went off again. “Alright!” I yelled at it, turning it off and then noticing Taron had texted me again. I grinned and blushed lightly over what he’d written, and Mary playfully rolled her eyes.

“Please don’t tell me,” she teased, although she and Jules had been adamant I deliver a constant play-by-play - and given me endless shit over the fact that neither of us had yet to really make a move. It’d been two weeks since the karaoke bar night and we’d been what you could call cautiously flirtatious in our text conversations. But I still hadn’t even gotten up the courage to ask if he was actually seeing anybody else; it wasn’t exactly unheard of to be flirted with by a cute boy who was completely unavailable.

“I’ll respond later,” I smirked, stretching out my back slightly and yawning a bit.

“Well get some clothes on you. I’ve got the coffee going already so let’s get you out the door and onto your first big gig!” Mary grinned, bouncing on her heels a bit in her excitement for me.

I gave her a thumb’s up and she took that as her cue to leave. I brushed my teeth and freshened up my natural curls before rifling through my closet, trying to find a shirt that wasn’t rumpled. I settled on a black pencil skirt paired with a blue-and-white striped button-down, tucked in of course. Professional but not too stuffy, I decided. Still, I didn’t quite feel like my look was finished until I spied the hat I’d managed to “borrow” from Taron; I had every intention of getting it back to him. I picked it up and placed it over my curls, feeling like it gave me a hip and modern vibe, and nodded at myself in the mirror. I finished my makeup and slipped into a pair of basic, sensible pumps. 

Mary actually applauded my appearance when I clicked into the kitchen, making a beeline for the coffee pot and pouring myself a cup. Jules was apparently still crashed out from the night before. “Fed Tim yet?” I asked, blowing on the steaming liquid before taking a sip and savoring it.

“You think Tim would let me forget that?” she laughed. “Not a chance, the big fatty,” she added affectionately. “Are you nervous?” she asked.

“Plenty. I think I might chuck,” I replied.

Mary crossed her arms and laughed at that. “As long as it’s not on some poor actor’s shoes, I’m sure you won’t get fired,” she teased.

“Not helping!” I groaned.

“Come on. You’ll do great!” Mary grinned.

“About to find out,” I said, taking a few more sips of coffee and trying not to spill it on myself. Stains on my shirt probably wouldn’t be the best accessory for today. “So I really look okay?” I asked her again.

“Yes, for the last time, but you won’t if you’re late,” she smiled, shooing me toward the door. I grabbed my purse and had my hand on the door when Mary cleared her throat. “Forgetting something?” she asked, holding out my laptop bag. 

“Shit. I’m a disaster!” I laughed, slinging the strap over my shoulder. “Thank you!” I said before pulling the door open and stepping outside. It was already a muggy summer day and I hoped my hair wouldn’t frizz out too terribly.

“Tell me all about how it goes later!” Mary called as I waved and booked it to catch the bus I needed in time.

Once seated, I put in my earphones and attempted to chill out to some favorite music, but I couldn’t silence my nerves. I drummed my fingers on my leg, reminding myself there was a reason I’d gotten this promotion in the first place. I was good at what I did, I knew that; I’d worked hard to earn my communications degree and had spent years editing for publications. But I hadn’t loved those jobs and had been looking for something different when I’d found an opening for a script editor. I’d been intrigued, applied and got the job, and now spent my time in a cubicle going over scripts, fixing grammatical mistakes and adding directional cues when they were missing. It was maybe a bit unglamorous but I loved it.

Still, I’d sprung for the promotion the moment it had come up. While I was still considered an associate editor, I’d now be able to sit in on the table reads with the actors and writers themselves. If an actor stumbled over a line, or it just didn’t seem to work for their characterization, we could fix it right then and there. I was giddy and nervous as hell as I drew closer and closer to my first table read experience. I hadn’t been told what project the script was for, nor which actors would be involved. I assumed I’d be filled in once I arrived, becoming antsy as the bus was running behind schedule.

I didn’t have much time as I rushed up to our floor in the high-rise, clutching my laptop bag to my side and trying not to look flustered by the time I pulled the conference room door open and walked in. A handful of my colleagues were sitting about the large table; I didn’t see any of the actors yet. I pulled my laptop out of its bag and set it up in the seat indicated to me. A printed copy of the script laid at each seat and I picked my copy up, rifling through it quickly before my immediate boss beckoned me over.

“Would you be a dear and go grab us some coffees?” he said, and I looked at him incredulously.

“Pardon?” I asked, thinking I hadn’t heard him correctly. I’d worked far too hard to just be someone’s coffee runner. “Are you serious?”

“We’re already running behind,” he said, as if that was a valid explanation. I would have refused but I didn’t want to be kicked out of the room. Feeling like I had no leverage, I wrote down everyone’s “orders” on a post-it note and went to the breakroom to make them up, grumbling along the way. I set out cups and went about tossing pods into the single-serve brewer.

“Excuse me miss, but I seemed to have misplaced my hat,” a voice I’d recognize anywhere said from behind me. I whirled around, nearly knocking two coffees off the counter.

“Taron!” I said with absolute surprise. “What are you doing here?” I asked, realizing that was a stupid question the moment I said it.

“I’ve got a table read in a couple minutes and I could ask you the same. Never fancied I’d have such lovely company joining me today,” he smirked lightly at me, running his thumb over the brim of the hat. Even though he wasn’t touching my skin, he might as well have been for the flush of heat that ran through me. “It looks good on you,” he added.

“Yes well, I work here,” I stammered, trying to be coherent. “Clearly.”

“Mmm… As a barista?” he asked, raising that characteristic eyebrow of his.

“Ah, shit,” I sighed. “Just a perk of the job, you know,” I said, trying to hide my displeasure over the task as Taron studied me for a brief moment. He grabbed the post-it note and helped me finish off the coffees with cream and sugar, as requested, and carry them back to the conference room. I would have protested his help but I knew it would be hopeless; he’d only cutely wave off my concern and do what he wanted anyway. Once the coffees were delivered, I finally took my seat, Taron running his fingers subtly across my shoulders as he passed by to take his seat across the way. I had to fight the urge to gasp out loud at that, stifling it with a cough instead. Taron just gave me an innocent smile; I wanted to kick him in the shins but was too far away.

I was thankful for the diversion when other people filing in, recognizing several of the other actors because I didn’t live under a rock, and once introductions were made we got on with it. I found it easy enough to focus on my job, preferring to mark up the hard-copy version of the script rather than work on my laptop, but any additional notes that didn’t pertain directly to the script I typed up in a word document. I took my job seriously and no amount of boyish charm was going to distract me from that, I thought as I idly tapped the end of my pen against my cheek. My phone, which I’d left on my lap in case I had to take an important call, vibrated and I glanced down at the lit-up screen. <You know a smart girl is always a turn-on> Taron had texted, and I fumbled my pen, dropping it on the floor.

 _Shit_ , I muttered under my breath, leaning over to pick it up. No one else had even noticed, and Taron waggled his eyebrows at me across the table. I made it a point to look away, partly to maintain my composure. I had no idea how I was going to make it through this read if he kept that business up, but I wisely chose to stow my phone away in my bag at that point. The day wore on, with a few minor breaks I chose to spend either hiding in the bathroom or staying resolutely in my seat. Taron didn’t approach me, though I couldn’t always miss the way he gazed at me when we were going over a scene he wasn’t in.

We eventually called it a day and everyone seemed pleased with the progress we’d made. I packed my laptop and tucked away my marked-up copy of the script under my arm, excited to head back to my cubicle and start implementing these changes. Everyone seemed engaged in their various conversations so I thought I could sneak out unnoticed, but just as I reached the door someone stepped in front of it.

“Trying to avoid me?” Taron asked in a low voice, so no one could overhear.

“Just doing my job, which doesn’t include flirting with you,” I whispered back, though I wasn’t mad.

“I’m sorry,” he said, looking slightly embarrassed. 

“Go on,” I said, tapping my foot. 

“And that wasn’t entirely professional of me. But I don’t regret it,” he said, winking at me and I sighed impatiently. “Let me make it up to you with dinner tonight,” he said, giving me the sweetest, most expectant smile.

I bloody well couldn’t say no to that. “Yeah, okay,” I said, as if it wasn’t a big deal to me, but oh, I was thrilled.

“It’s a date, love. Be ready by 7. And text me your address,” he grinned, finally stepping out of my way.

“It’s a date then,” I agreed, feeling a bit weak in the knees. I reached for the door and missed it, nearly stumbling over. I hoped no one had seen that as I made a mad dash out the door.

I returned to my desk, admittedly a bit distracted as I tried to get something done my last couple of hours. I had nearly worked myself into a tizzy by the time I was able to pack up and leave over the whole idea of it. I couldn’t get out of there fast enough.

I’d already texted Mary and Jules, who had ransacked my closet as well as their own and laid out the most appropriate dress choices on my bed. They ushered me inside when I got back to the flat, squealing over this sudden turn of events as they made me change in and out of one dress and into another. “Maybe we’re just overthinking this?” I said, staring at myself in the mirror as I was sporting a bright pink taffeta number I’d never be caught dead in otherwise. “This just isn’t me,” I said.

“Yeah, pink’s definitely not your color,” Jules agreed, missing the point of what I was trying to say.

“That’s not what I mean” I said, pulling the dress over my head and tossing it unceremoniously on the floor. “This. All of this. I don’t want to put on a show,” I said, sweeping my hand around at the colorful chaos in my room. “I’m not some prize animal to be paraded around. I just want to be...me.”

While both girls watched me with concern, maybe thinking I was about to blow this whole thing, I wriggled into my favorite pair of black skinny jeans, threw on a frilly blue lace top and pulled on a lightweight tan cardigan. I instantly felt more comfortable, and if I was comfortable I could actually enjoy this date. Taron hadn’t said to dress up anyway, and everything else we’d tried just felt ridiculous and overblown. “Well?” I asked, holding out my hands.

“Oh alright, that’s cute enough,” Jules grinned at me. I decided to keep the hat on for good measure, since Taron had seemed to enjoy me in it so much. We spent the last hour cleaning up my room, partly because the mess would drive me crazy but also as a way to keep me from getting overly nervous. The less I stewed about this, the better. 

Still, when a knock sounded on the door I felt my insides instantly squeeze. “Oh fuck,” I breathed, as Jules and Mary both went streaking to the door, swinging it wide open and full of giggles.

“Ladies,” Taron greeted them, his face brightening as he saw me over their shoulders. “Jess, you look absolutely stunning,” he said. Jules turned and mouthed “oh my god” at me, and I tried to ignore her so I wouldn’t totally lose my cool.

“You do too,” I said, then laughed at how awkward that sounded. Clearly, I had no “cool” to begin with. “Handsome, I mean,” I corrected myself, to which he just chuckled. I took a moment to appreciate that he’d dressed as casually as I had, in a pair of dark jeans and a sweater that just looked downright cozy. 

“Shall we?” he said, offering his arm, which I gladly took. “Have a pleasant evening,” he said to my roommates, escorting me down the walk to his waiting car and even opening and closing the door for me like the thoughtful man he was. The conversation was light and mostly we tried to one-up each other with stupid jokes, making each other laugh, which wasn’t difficult to do. 

We came up on the Borough Market and were lucky enough to find parking close by. Taron seemed cutely excited about the place he’d chosen to bring me to, as we walked up to a restaurant named Padella. “Let me guess, Italian?” I grinned as he nodded affirmation. I could get behind this, as Italian was some of my favorite cuisine.

We snagged a table and I was thankful no one seemed to give us a second glance. I knew that kind of anonymity could be hard to come by for actors. “So, the really fun thing to do here is order a bunch of different plates to share,” Taron said, and I was more than happy to agree with whatever he suggested. And truthfully, I was more than happy just to be there with him at all.

We started with the sourdough and olive oil, taking turns dipping the bread. For something so simple, it was really superb. “The rest of your work day was pleasant?” he asked, and I nodded.

“I really enjoy my work,” I replied enthusiastically, omitting the fact that I hadn’t been the most productive employee that afternoon. Taron asked a few more questions about what I did, genuinely interested and putting his chin in his hand as I talked rather passionately about the editing process. “Ahh, so yeah, that’s what I do. Sorry, did I become a total bore?” I asked.

“No, no, no, of course not,” he reassured me. “I think people who aren’t just doing a job for the paycheck are hard to come by. It’s really nice to see you so passionate about it, your eyes just completely lit up your whole face,” he said sweetly.

I gazed at him, taking everything in about this moment and about him, half-afraid it was all just a dream. How I had come to be sitting in a restaurant with Taron, on a proper date, was beyond me. Our food arrived and I realized Taron had ordered way too much for just the two of us, but he seemed unbothered by that fact as we dug in, each plate of pasta better than the last. “Try this one!” he grinned excitedly, offering a bite on his fork to me and without thinking I leaned forward and accepted it. The act felt at once intimate and made my heart race a bit.

“That’s fucking good,” I enthused, and we both deemed the crab tagliarini to be the best of the bunch. “I am positively stuffed,” I said after we’d demolished most of the pastas. “You might be rolling me home,” I joked.

“No room for dessert?” he asked, sounding slightly disappointed but I wasn’t sure why.

“We could get some as takeout, I suppose,” I said, finishing off the last bit of my wine. “But I really couldn’t eat another bite right now.” My skinny pants were already feeling a bit uncomfortably tight around my waist.

“Fair enough,” Taron replied, giving me a small grin. “The chocolate tart is to die for, believe me. I’ll order you one for later,” he said, and then proceeded to also pay the tab without blinking an eye. I probably didn’t want to know how much we’d just cost ourselves, but I could honestly say I’d had one of the best dates I’d ever been on.

We packed ourselves back into his car as the sun had started sinking to the horizon, turning the sky brilliant shades of orange and red and deepening into purple. It was lovely, and I stared out the window a bit in awe, much the same way Taron was looking at me now, had I been paying any attention.

The street lights had just started to flicker on as he pulled up to my flat. “I had a really fun time with you, T, thank you,” I smiled happily as he fidgeted slightly with his hand, rubbing his palm over his thigh. I hadn’t meant my attention to go there, and had to tear my eyes away, hoping he hadn’t noticed me gawking.

“It was a lovely time, indeed,” he agreed.

“I’ll see-,” I started at the same time he said “Shall I-” and we both cracked up laughing over it, relieving some of the awkward tension that had been building.

“Hey, I have an idea,” I grinned. “Come on,” I said, getting out of the car and expecting him to follow me. He did so, looking amused at me when I plopped myself down on the front porch step and patted the space next to me. He took a seat and I pulled out the tart, handing him one of the plastic forks they’d given us.

“Very good idea,” he grinned as we took turns scooping out bites, savoring the rich taste of the dessert in the semi-darkness. “Truth is, I didn’t really want our night to be over yet,” he admitted, and I felt a pressure in my chest I didn’t even know how to identify. I’d been on dates before, even with boys I’d rather fancied, but none had made me feel quite this way. I knew I’d have to try and separate the strands of being a fan from being whatever it is that we were, but that was going to take some time.

“Hey, you have a little … something there,” he said, breaking into my thoughts and reaching over, gently pressing his thumb against the side of my mouth and wiping away the crumb. Our eyes met and we were locked in that moment, my breath catching in my throat.

And then the door swung open, and Taron dropped his hand back down to his lap. I groaned inwardly as Mary stepped outside, absolutely surprised to see us there.

“Oh gosh, I’m sorry,” she said as her hand flew up to her mouth. “I was just taking the litter out,” she said apologetically, holding a bag meant for the rubbish bin.

“It’s fine, we were just saying goodnight,” I replied, smiling despite the crushing disappointment as the moment completely passed us by. We stood up, brushing our pants off, and Taron pulled me into a hug, sweetly wrapping his arms around me. I couldn’t resist burying my face against his shoulder. It was, after all, his fault for wearing such a soft sweater.

“Hey, I hope you have a good night, I’ll text when I’m home safely,” he said within the confines of our hug, his breath tickling my ear.

“You do that, T,” I smiled as Mary awkwardly shuffled back into the house. I stood on the porch waving as Taron returned to his car and pulled away into the night, feeling far too many emotions for my heart or brain to comprehend. 

I went back inside but was in no mood to field my friends’ questions. I shut myself in my room and fell face-first onto my bed. If this had been a simple fan encounter, would it have meant as much to me as it did now? Could we really build something real and true? This third chance had left me thoroughly and utterly confused.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Taron proves his caring heart but was it all just a fever dream? The fourth installment in the First Contact series will leave you wanting more. If you love cute, fluffy Taron, you’ll love this installment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Some mild cursing

I woke up with a start into the darkness of my room, my breathing shallow as I tried to sort out where I was. For a moment I thought I’d had a bad dream, sweat plastering my hair to my forehead, but I had no lingering impression of a nightmare in my mind. Then a sharp pain in my stomach caused me to moan, and I closed my eyes against the sudden feeling that I was about to be sick. 

I stumbled out of my room into the hallway, crashing into the doorframe and cursing as I hurried to the toilet, bending over and heaving. Once I was done, I rolled over on the floor and laid there in the dark, not feeling much better after emptying the contents of my gut.  _ Shit _ , I muttered to myself, trying to focus on just breathing for a moment, pressing my palms into my abdomen in an attempt to alleviate the pain.

It’d be just like me to get raging sick right before my next table read, I groaned. It’s just nerves, I tried to convince myself, as it had been a few days since the last read with Taron and the group thanks to scheduling conflicts.

A light snapped on in the hallway and I realized I hadn’t even considered my noise volume, but I couldn’t continue the thought as another wave of nausea moved through me. Jules knocked timidly on the door before easing it open, seeing me lying prone on the floor. I hadn’t even had the strength in me to flush the toilet, so I could only imagine what she was seeing. I would have been embarrassed if I didn’t feel so awful.

“Oh, honey,” she said, as I tried to shield my face from the onslaught from the overhead light.

“Everything hurts and I’m dying, Jules,” I moaned, curling up into the fetal position as my gut continued to spasm.

“You’re going to survive, I promise,” she said sympathetically, reaching over and yanking down the toilet handle.

“I completely regret all that sushi we had for dinner,” I sighed as Jules helped ease me to a sitting position, but I wasn’t willing to leave the bathroom just yet. “I can’t miss work,” I said, shivering despite the fact that my body was covered in sweat.

“Well you’re certainly in no shape to go right now,” she said, feeling my forehead with the back of her hand. “And you’re burning up too,” she added, opening the medicine cabinet and shaking out a couple painkillers from the bottle. “These should help,” she said, dropping them in my hand.

She poured me a cup of water, and the thought of trying to swallow anything down made me feel like getting sick all over again. I had to force myself to down the pills. “I want my mom,” I whined pathetically, my head lolling to the side a bit.

“Your mum is in America so all you’ve got right now is me,” Jules said gently.

“Well that’s just bloody great,  _ innit _ ?” I said sarcastically, and thankfully Jules didn’t take my rudeness personally.

“Should we try and get you back to your bed?” she asked, being sweeter than I’d known her to be. I must have looked like I was on death’s door.

“Mmmm I’m just gonna crash here,” I mumbled, pulling a towel down off the rack and making a pillow out of it, stuffing it under my head. The coolness of the hardwood floor was actually soothing to my overheated body.

“Suit yourself,” Jules replied. “I’ll wake you up in a few hours so you can call off your job,” she added.

“I’m not calling off,” I said stubbornly, but Jules just closed the door on me and left me to my misery. I drifted in and out of sleep, the pain never really subsiding, and ended up tossing the medicine anyway, getting sick several more times before I had nothing left to give. I was completely drained when Jules came to wake me up.

“Help me up,” I said weakly, holding my arms out to her with the intention to get ready for work. She pulled me to my feet and supported me to my room, dumping me back in my bed despite my protests.

“Give me your phone, I’m calling for you,” she replied, hands on her hips, and I must have been plumb out of my mind because I allowed her to do it. I had pulled all of my covers and extra blankets around myself, unable to get warm while she told my boss I was currently indisposed in the bathroom, whatever that meant.

“You just rest, okay?” Jules said after making my excuses for me, and I could only nod. My body had won this round, and I was thoroughly disappointed. I’d been looking forward to work, and after our date, I wondered how Taron and I would interact in person again. He’d kept up a steady stream of texts the past few days, falling asleep in the middle of our convos late into the night, which were usually about the most random and ridiculous things. I enjoyed the fact that Taron didn’t take himself too seriously, but sometimes wondered if we were more than just friends. Yes, he flirted with me, but he tended to flirt shamelessly with everyone. It was just his personality, and part of what drew me to him.

These thoughts drifted through my delirious mind before I crashed into a dreamless sleep, waking up nine hours later feeling sweaty, hungry and disoriented. I kicked off the covers, feeling like I was suffocating under all of them, and laid there for a few minutes testing myself, but the pain from earlier had seemed to subside. I gently poked at my stomach, and it growled back at me. “Well okay then,” I said to no one, disheartened by how much effort it took to get out of bed. I could hear the telly in the front room, figuring Jules and Mary were up and about. It would be about suppertime, so I wrapped my robe around myself, still clad in my jammies, and shuffled out to the main room.

“Hey guys,” I said, and three sets of eyes turned around to look at me at the sound of my voice.  _ Wait, three? _ I stopped dead in my tracks and gasped when I saw Taron perched on our couch with my roomies as if this was just a normal, every-day occurrence.

“What in the Queen’s name are you doing here?” I asked, probably not one of my finer moments. I was suddenly very aware of my purple heart-patterned sleep pants and the fact that I wasn’t even wearing a bra, and I pulled my robe tightly around myself self-consciously. I had no makeup on and my hair was likely an utter mess.

“You weren’t at work today, and Jules texted me on your phone that you’d been really sick all night. I wanted to make sure you were okay,” Taron explained, not even remotely phased by my appearance. “And I brought you ice lollies,” he added brightly. “My mum always gave them to me as a kid when I was feeling ill.”

“I think you call them popsicles in America,” Jules supplied when I looked rightly confused.

“Would you like me to get you one?” Taron said, and I agreed because he looked really cute about it. I sank down into the couch, feeling vulnerable but there was nothing I could do about it now. Taron had already seen me like this, in all my sickly glory. I at least ran my fingers through my hair, trying to tame it down.

“Couldn’t have given a girl a warning?” I said cheekily to Mary and Jules before Taron came back, handing over the popsicle in a bowl for me so it didn’t make a mess. 

“How are you feeling?” he asked gently, sitting across from me on the ottoman, his knees touching against mine.

“Cautiously better,” I said, unable to not smile at him. That adorable face could make me feel better any day.

“How’d the table read go today?” I asked, as Mary tapped Jules on the shoulder and they both got up to give us some space. I gingerly picked up the popsicle and nibbled at it while Taron ranted a bit.

“Not as good as before, if I’m honest. They had one of your colleagues in and he was alright, I suppose, but he kept asking us for ways to make the script better. That’s not, as a rule, my job, you know? I deliver the lines and try my best to give them a life, but the actual language of it, that’s not my job.”

“No, it’s mine,” I agreed, deciding grape was not my favorite flavor of popsicle in the world, but the gesture had been kind and I wasn’t about to throw it back in Taron’s face. Still, my stomach had started to hurt again, and I tried to ignore it as he went on about the script session some more.

“And frankly, he just wasn’t you. Then again, I don’t know if anyone else could be you,” Taron concluded, smiling over at me before his face crumpled into worry. “Are you quite alright? You look a bit green,” he said, and I shook my head.

“Too soon,” I said, clutching my stomach and running for the bathroom again. After I didn’t resurface for a bit, Taron came looking for me. I was still hung over the toilet, though this time I’d managed to flush. I looked up at him and for some reason this made me start to cry, and then, feeling embarrassed, I ended up crying even harder because I was crying in front of him.

“Hey,” he said, kneeling down next to me and rubbing my back. “It’s okay,” he said, trying to soothe me.

“No it’s not,” I cried, having to let it all go. I felt like massive shit, first of all, but it was also difficult to handle that he was seeing me in that state. We hadn’t known each other long enough for me to feel like that was justified, to feel that I had earned my place in his concern.

“But it will be,” he said, not trying to correct me, just continuing to rub my back patiently while I cried it out. 

“I am so sorry,” I said, sniffling a bit and trying to get myself back under control.

“There’s no need. I’ve been sick before in my life, I know how it feels. We’re all human here,” he said, so kind about things it made my heart hurt too. “It’s alright to need someone to look after you,” he added. I took in a shaky breath and finally looked over at him, and he gently brushed the tears off my cheeks. I gave him a small smile and he helped me back to my feet. I managed to rinse my mouth out quickly, and we ambled back out to the couch, Taron suggesting I lie down and just rest and watch some telly.

He made sure I was comfortable, situating himself so I could rest my head in his lap. And let me tell you, he had incredibly comfortable thighs. I could still think it, even if I didn’t feel great. Tim wandered over and parked himself on Taron’s other leg, and he had to chuckle over that. “Guess I’m not leaving for a while,” he joked, petting Tim and baby-talking the cat in a cute manner. Everyone had their own “pet voice” - Taron was no exception.

“Tell me a story,” I smiled up at him, his eyes catching a glint from the table lamp. “About being on set. Anything…”

He idly ran his fingers through my hair as he recalled some funny moments with his co-stars, and I felt myself getting sleepy, lulled by his touch and the sweet drone of his voice. I could honestly listen to that accent for hours on end; he could have read the dictionary for all I cared. The corners of my mouth would turn up in a smile when he’d get to a funny bit in his story, and I rather enjoyed when he’d laugh at his own jokes. It was endearing in a way I wouldn’t have had the privilege to know before.

He must have noticed that I was growing tired and suggested I’d get better sleep if I were in my bed, so before I totally drifted off I let him steer me to my room, unable to worry about what it must have looked like. He seemed to only be focused on me, taking the time to actually tuck me in my covers, smoothing them out over my body. 

I was having trouble keeping my eyes open at that point as he leaned over and ever-so-gently brushed his lips against my forehead, placing the sweetest kiss on my skin. I’d wonder later if that had actually happened or been just part of my delirium. “You’re not warm,” he whispered, his voice sounding slightly unsteady, but I was already half-asleep so I couldn’t ponder that further. “I do believe you’ll feel better in the morning,” he smiled, giving my hand a slight squeeze.

“You too, babe,” I mumbled, the words just tumbling out as I was sliding head-long into sleep, totally unaware of the expression on his face, the one that said his feelings ran much deeper than just friendship. 

I assume he took his leave from Jules and Mary, but I was long gone into dreamland at that point. When I awoke later I’d have to wonder how much of what had happened was just a fever dream. How many more encounters was it going to take before we’d finally give in to our feelings?


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jess and Taron have a perfect summer day together, but will her insecurities get in the way? I hope you love reading the fifth installment of the First Contact series as much I have loved writing it. The series will eventually involve more mature themes as it develops, so be warned! Enjoy! x

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Some mild cursing, brief sexual mention

The day had dawned hot and steamy, and transitioned full on into boiling by the time my boss cut work short for everyone. Our office didn’t have air conditioning, and everyone was starting to feel ill from the sticky air in our high rise. No amount of fans could seem to relieve it, and most of the men had loosed their ties and collars. I could feel the heat from the baked concrete of the sidewalk burning through the soles of my shoes as I walked quickly toward the tube station, hoping there would be some relief underground.

The cafe tables on the sidewalks that were usually so full for lunch hour were completely empty, and the few people scurrying about were sticking to the shadows cast by shop awnings. I’d felt temperatures like this in my hometown in America almost every summer, but air conditioning was everywhere across the pond. The heat felt much different when you couldn’t get away from it.

I texted my flatmates to see how they were surviving the heat. Jules complained it was brutal and then said she and Mary were just planning on heading to Hampstead Heath; there really was no other way to deal then to wade neck-up into the bathing pool.

<Oh God, that sounds perfect. We closed shop early and I’m heading back. Wait for me!> I quickly texted back. I caught the train and was soon back at the flat. My friends were already clad in bikinis under their summer clothes, waiting impatiently on me to arrive. Even Tim looked uncomfortable in the stuffy flat, and I felt bad for him.

I quickly changed into the floral high-waisted bikini my friends had convinced me to buy. I was a bit self-conscious about my love handles and stomach, but they swore up and down it highlighted my curves in all the right places. Still, next to my willowy friends, I sometimes felt like a bit of a lard. But today was too hot to care about how I looked, so I pulled on a pair of shorts and a tee over the swimsuit and stuffed the essentials like sunscreen and a hat into my beach bag.

“Alright?” I said, as Jules gave me a once-over and tsk’d slightly. She walked over to me and grabbed the hem and material of my baggy shirt, quickly doing a knot in it and tucking it under so it was not only a lot more form fitting, but also showed my midriff slightly.

“Now we’re ready,” she smiled, waving her finger in my face when I tried to protest. “You’ve got a figure all the guys would die to be with.”

“Jules!” I groaned slightly. 

“Oh we know,” Mary said with a smirk. “There’s only one person you want to be with right now, and so far that hasn’t happened yet. You just need to get laid!” she added with a squeal.

“We are  _ not _ having this conversation right now!” I yelled, yanking open the door as my roommates just cackled and followed along. 

As we walked back toward the tube entrance, my mind shifted to Taron, whom I hadn’t seen for the past week or so since I’d been sick. We’d been texting most days, and even tried to make plans, but he’d had to cancel and apologized profusely for not being available to see me. I understood being a busy adult; I’d had my own share of things to get done. I found that I missed him, though, and I was surprised by the yearning to see him smile at me again.

Almost as if my thoughts had summoned him, my phone pinged with a text. <I think I’m melting. It’s bloody hot. Hope you’re getting on okay.>

<Just heading to Hampstead now with the girls. Our flat was suffocating.>

<Likely the only thing to do today> he responded.

In some strange dash of courage, I decided to suggest he join us. <Bring your mates> I added hopefully. <It’ll be fun.>

“Who are you texting?” Mary asked, making me jump slightly. I hadn’t realized I’d totally zoned out of the conversation with my friends.

“Just Taron,” I replied, my heart stupidly starting to race as I waited for his response.

“So when’s he going to take you out again?” Jules asked, poking me in the side. “Or is he one of those slow-burn types?”

“He’s busy! He’s got plenty more important things to deal with then me,” I defended. “Besides, I’m sure if it got out that he was dating a nobody the internet would shit itself. He’s probably been coached on this a great deal.”

“You’re not a nobody, Jess,” Mary said, sympathetically. “You’re really brilliant and if he doesn’t see that then he’s blind.” 

“Yeah, fuck what the internet thinks,” Jules added, an older lady huffing disprovingly at the language. “You’re an absolute catch.” I truly had the best roommates a girl could ask for.

Just then, my phone screen lit up again with Taron’s response. <I’ve got something later today but I don’t see why I can’t drop by for a bit. See you soon.> The thrill that ran through me was undeniable.

We grabbed another train and no one seemed remotely bothered by our decided lack of clothing, as everyone was too hot to care. We rumbled our way to Hampstead, knowing it would be crazy busy with everyone else having the same idea. There were only a couple of sparse clouds in the sky as we paid our fare, and I suggested we go to the mixed pool this time instead of the ladies only. My friends both gave me looks, and I had to admit that Taron was supposed to be bringing a few friends along to join us.

“Oh my god, when were you going to tell us!” Jules squealed at me.

“I don’t know! I didn’t want you both to give me shit!” I laughed, as Mary joined in on the excited squealing.

“You’re going to see Taron  _ shirtless _ ...  _ in person _ ,” Jules said wickedly. “Maybe he’ll even ask you to rub sunscreen on his back, eh?” she said, digging her elbow into my side.

“Ow!” I laughed, grabbing my side and being reminded of how not-skinny I was. “Or he’ll take one look at me in my suit and run screaming the other way.”

“Oh please,” Jules said, as Mary sighed. “You’re totally hot.”

“Yeah, I am hot, sweltering really, and it’s about time we got in this bloody pool,” I laughed, trying to ignore my insecurities about my body as we found a place to dump our stuff, tore off our outer clothes, and ran straight into the water, probably amusing everyone around us as we shrieked about how cold it was.

“That’s one way to cool off,” Mary laughed, her teeth chattering a bit.

“You’ll get used to it soon enough,” Jules grinned as we bobbed there in the water like everyone else.  _ Just a bunch of heads floating about, _ I giggled at the stupidity of that thought. We chatted for a bit and grew accustomed to the water, and I tried not to stare at the shoreline too much in anticipation. I didn’t exactly want to come across as desperate. We eventually clambered out of the water to try and soak up some sun, spraying on sunscreen and laying out on our towels.

I was just about to think Taron would stand us up when I heard his laugh floating across the grounds to us. I sat up and instantly wrapped my towel around myself. “Hey hey hey ladies!” he grinned, holding out his arms wide as he strolled up, a cap pulled low and his sunnies giving him a bit of a chance to not be immediately recognized. He had two friends with him who were both quite fit themselves, but I only had eyes for Taron as the three of them settled in on the ground with us. Jules and Mary were quite beside themselves. “Well look at that, we match up. These are my mates, Jack and Gavin,” he said with a grin.

We introduced ourselves as well, though I was pretty sure somewhere in a hazy memory of the karaoke bar we’d all met Jack before, but Gavin was new, and Jules had instantly started chatting him up.

“I’m glad you made it,” I smiled at Taron, admiring him just a bit in the tanktop and swim shorts he was wearing. Boy if I didn’t just burn up right then and there, I thought.

“I’m glad I did too,” he grinned back. “I’ve been missing you.”

“You have?” I asked, biting my lip a bit shyly.

“Of course. It’s not been my choice to be so busy, but I’ll figure this out.”

“Yeah?” I couldn’t help but smile. “What’s this thing you’ve got going on later?”

“Oh! Yeah that. Just some old mates from school invited me out to Streatham Common for a bonfire night,” he grinned.

“A bit hot for that, isn’t it?” I asked, raising my eyebrows.

“Perhaps, but it’s the best place to see the stars in the middle of London. Would you like to see it for yourself?” he asked cutely. “That is, of course, if you haven’t got plans already.”

“No, no plans. I’d love too,” I grinned back.

“Good, now that that’s settled, shall we get out in that water before we all melt?” he asked, standing up and pulling his tanktop off. I felt my breath catch in my chest, and I was glad my shades were dark because oh, was I staring. He was a bit sweaty and the way it glistened on his chest gave me thoughts I should not have been thinking.

“Come on then,” he said to me, offering his hand as Jules, Mary, Gavin and Jack had already headed for the water. He helped me stand up, but I was still clutching the towel around me with one hand and there was a hint of understanding in Taron’s eyes.

“You needn’t be shy around me. You’re gorgeous,” he said softly, reaching over and gently taking the edges of the towel from me and pushing it off my shoulders, letting it drop to the ground. “That’s better,” he said, looking me over and smiling sweetly. “Alright?” he asked me, and I nodded. He took my hand and we made our way to the water, finally joining up with our friends.

We talked and laughed a bit, and with the rest of my body under the water, where no one had to see it, I could forget about my insecurity there. That is, of course, until Taron suggested we play chicken fight. Jules was instantly for it, Mary seemed confused as to what that meant, and I wanted to sink to the bottom of the pool. There was no way I was getting up on Taron’s shoulders for the world to see.

“Come on, love, it’s fine!” Taron grinned at me, excited about his fantastic idea.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” I said under my breath while Jack explained the basic premise to Mary.

“That’s nonsense. Hurt me?” Taron laughed, taking a deep breath of air and ducking under the surface. I nearly fell over when I felt his hands on my legs, pushing them apart enough to get his head between them and standing up, boosting me up out of the water as I shrieked loudly. I clutched at his head to keep from falling over as he just laughed his ass off. “Not so bad, is it?” he smirked, holding onto my legs as I tried to not hyperventilate.

“Holy fuck, Taron, warn a girl next time,” I said, Jules already up on Gavin’s shoulders too. Mary was struggling a bit to get on Jack’s, making everyone laugh, but finally she was up too.

“Let the games commence!” Taron grinned, as Jules and I were the first two to face off. We were quite evenly matched, and it took a fair bit of wrestling, but eventually I prevailed, knocking a shrieking Jules over into the water.

“Yes! We did it!” I squealed happily to Taron.

“Yeaah!” he said, patting my thigh happily and making me feel something strange in my chest as I realized that his fingers were against my bare skin.

Next it was Mary and I, and she royally kicked my butt, managing to push both me and Taron over backward into the water, both of us coming back up for air, sputtering and laughing.

Taron pulled me in close to him, making sure I could breathe and running his fingers along the exposed skin of my waist under the water. “T...Taron?” I stuttered slightly.

“Hmmm?” he said, grinning at me, the sunlight bouncing off the water and making his hazel eyes sparkle.

“Your eyes look rather blue at the moment,” I smiled, running my hands through his wet curls. “I always thought that color-changing eyes were the prettiest. I’ve just got boring brown ones.”

“Boring? Have you gone mad?” he asked, his gaze holding my own. “You just haven’t seen them the way I have. When the sun shines down on them, they turn straight to amber. And there are these little gold flecks that always make them look like they’re dancing.” No one had ever said anything so lovely to me in my life, and I quite forgot how to speak.

“Rematch!” Jules yelled, interrupting our moment, which was fine because I had no idea how much longer we were going to stand there staring at each other if she hadn’t. We even got a few other people involved in the game until we had all worn ourselves out, returning to our towels and letting the sun bake us dry again. The boys had brought snacks and even a Bluetooth speaker to play some tunes, and we spent an incredibly enjoyable afternoon together.

Eventually we decided to head on home, the sun making us all feel a bit knackered, but before we parted ways Taron grabbed my hand in his and placed a sweet kiss on the back of it. “Be ready at 8, yeah?” he smiled, and I nodded, feeling giddy inside.

We made it back to our flat, where Jules and Mary both decided to take naps. I felt the need to freshen up so I ran the water in the bath, still mulling over the image of Taron in my mind, the sun on his shoulders and happiness in his eyes. I slipped beneath the surface of the bath, sighing as the warmth enveloped me. I closed my eyes and could still see him smiling at me, focusing on the muscles of his bare chest that I had wanted to run my hands over so badly, the way his wet swim shorts had clung to his thighs.

“Shit,” I breathed, feeling turned on and letting my hand drift down between my legs, gasping slightly as I imagined what it might feel like if it were Taron’s fingers. I rubbed myself a bit, my breathing coming in short gasps, trying not to moan in case Mary or Jules overheard me. But it was no use; I’d not been able to get off in quite a while. I had no idea what was wrong with me.

“Damnit,” I said, splashing water onto the floor in my frustration as I knocked the back of my head against the edge of the tub. I sighed and sat there for a moment, tearing up slightly and then quickly wiping them away. “Right, get over it,” I told myself. I quickly finished bathing and focused on getting myself ready, which didn’t consist of much. I figured I didn’t need to be made up for a bonfire.

Once Jules and Mary were up from their naps, we ordered some takeout on delivery and sat eating and chatting in front of the telly. Taron arrived promptly and I waved goodbye to the girls. I wasn’t exactly sure who we’d be hanging out with, so Taron filled me in as he drove us out to the nature preserve. It was still warm out, so I’d just dressed in shorts, a tee and sneaks. Taron parked us and we made the bit of a hike toward the woods, Taron holding my hand the whole way there.

He was warmly greeted by his friends once we arrived, and cutely introduced me to everyone. They were all so sweet and welcoming to me, and we were both handed beers. We took a seat on a log, but it was still too warm to have lit the fire. Everyone was hoping that it would cool off once the sun went down. We laughed and talked and drank, and Taron kept his arm draped around my shoulders. It felt amazing to be included in this way, and I started thinking that maybe we really were “together.” But he’d never actually said it out loud, and one thing still worried my mind.

The temperature cooled off as the sun sank toward the horizon, deepening the shadows. After the fire was lit, and most of Taron’s friends were too, Taron grinned over at me and cutely flicked the tip of my nose with this finger. “I told you I’d show you the stars. Come on,” he said with a wink, grabbing two fresh beers and taking my hand again. 

“Where are we going?” I laughed, following along dutifully. “Won’t they miss us?”

“Trust me, you won’t want to go missing in these woods, it’d likely be til Sunday before anyone knows you’re gone,” he smirked.

We trekked through the trees a bit on a well-worn path, giggling when we stumbled over roots until we’d gotten to a small clearing. In the middle was a pickup truck, older but not rusted out. It looked like someone had been taking care of it, though how it’d ended up in the middle of the trees was beyond me. Taron pulled back the cover and then let down the tailgate, helping me climb up. I was shocked at what I found; the bed of the truck had been completely covered with cushions and blankets and pillows. It was rather soft and I felt like I was sinking into it as Taron clambered in after me.

I grinned as he settled in next to me, and we both leaned back and stared up at the twilight sky. We were quiet for a few minutes as I watched the stars slowly blink into existence, one by one. “This is really gorgeous,” I whispered, feeling Taron’s fingers playing at the hem of my shirt. All the beer I’d drunk was making me feel rather heady, and when his fingers connected with my skin, I could barely breathe. “Not nearly as beautiful as you,” he said, before taking a swig of his beer, almost as if he was trying to gather his courage.

I wanted him to kiss me so badly, but I was also afraid for it. What if, from that single kiss, he could detect my entire history? What if he could taste the brokenness on my tongue?

He turned over onto his side slightly, and I did the same. We were so close in the darkness, sharing the same air, and I could feel the tension vibrating between us. “Taron,” I breathed his name, as we slowly drifted closer, our noses touching and then finally our lips. That first kiss was so gentle, but the power of it blew me away. It wasn’t demanding, or selfish, or greedy, or any of the other things I knew a kiss to be. “Jessica,” he said against my lips, his arm sliding around my back and drawing me in for more.

When we broke apart I was breathless, speechless, unable to form a single thought, and I imagined Taron felt the same. There was nothing of the world but this singular moment, Taron and me, the sounds of the woods surrounding us.

“I...uh…” Taron laughed awkwardly, running a hand through his hair. “That was good, right?” he asked.

“Just shut up,” I laughed, burying my face against his chest. He wrapped his arms around me, and we laid like that for a space. I was warm and fuzzy inside and everything felt perfect - until I opened my big mouth.

“T, can I ask you a question?” I said against his chest, and he hummed slightly.

“Yeah, anything,” he replied, running his fingers through my hair.

“You don’t already have a girlfriend, do you?” I asked, his fingers going still. He didn’t say anything at first, and I wondered if he’d even heard me, but then he sat up, pushing me off him.

“Why would you say something like that to me?” he asked, the darkness masking the pain in his eyes. “Why would you insinuate I was being unfaithful to someone else? I’d never do that, Jess!” he said, anger lacing through the hurt in his voice.

“What? That’s not… what I meant. I just didn’t know!” I tried to explain, but nothing seemed to be coming out right.

“Do you bloody think I’m an animal? I wouldn’t have been pursuing you if I had a girlfriend, for Chrissake,” he said. “All of this wasn’t just to get into your pants. You’re not just a good fuck for me, you know!” he said, grabbing his half-empty beer bottle and lobbing it angrily into the woods. I heard it smash somewhere against a tree. “Fuck,” he said. “You know what, find your own way home,” he said, hopping out of the truck and fleeing the way he’d come.

I sat there in stunned silence, not even sure what the hell had just happened. “Taron?” I asked, and nothing but silence answered back. I jumped down to the ground, pushing the tailgate and cover back into place before using my phone’s flashlight to make it back down the path. I could see the glow of the bonfire through the trees; we hadn’t been that far away, so I wasn’t feeling scared that I was lost. But I was hurt, and confused. It’d been an honest question and I didn’t understand Taron’s flash of anger. In my haste to return, I tripped over something and crashed to the ground, scraping the palms of my hands and my knees, but I barely noticed.

I pushed myself back up to my feet and retrieved my phone before finally making it back to the circle. I frantically tried to find Taron, but was told he had already left. I tried not to cry then, feeling the sense of abandonment sweep through me. I hated that I felt that way; he didn’t owe me anything, after all. I was just a fan, and he the famous actor. He could go back to his life like none of this had ever happened, but I felt irreparably changed somehow.

I managed to bum a ride from one of his friends, thankful they weren’t much for chatting. I’m not sure I could have kept it together well enough to pretend my night hadn’t gone totally to shit. The flat was completely dark when we arrived, and I was thankful Jules and Mary were already in bed. “Cheers,” I said to the driver before jogging up the walk and letting myself in. I headed straight for the bathroom and shut myself inside, my hands shaking as I tried to doctor my bloodied palms and knees. I left my dirty smoke-scented clothes on the bathroom floor and crawled into bed in my unders. I hugged my pillow to myself tightly and finally allowed myself to cry. I checked my phone again; Taron hadn’t texted. I wanted to let him know I’d gotten home safely, but I didn’t think he’d care.

I eventually cried myself out, and felt Tim jump up on my bed. He settled down in the crook of my legs and purred. “At least you still like me. No one else gives a toss,” I sniffed, feeling sorry for myself. I set my phone on the nightstand and sighed deeply. My chest hurt, my palms were stinging, and everything felt out of place. The only thing to do for it was sleep, so I left myself crash, afraid of the hard truths I was going to have to face in the morning.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jess’s friends hatch a plan to get her and Taron back together, but will it work? And will she be brave enough to tell him the truth of her past? The series will eventually involve more mature themes as it develops, so be warned! Enjoy! x

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Mild cursing, mentions of domestic abuse

I was sitting cross-legged on the couch, bowl of cereal in my hands and staring bored at the telly, when my roommates came in, purses in hand. I looked up at them briefly and returned to my show, shoving a spoonful of mushy Wheaties into my mouth and chewing thoughtlessly.

“We’re going out on the town. You should join us,” Mary said, leaning over the couch for a second and taking in my unkempt state sympathetically.

“But I’d have to put on actual pants,” I whined at that, content enough to spend my Saturday on the couch feeling sorry for myself. It’d been a week since the night I had both kissed Taron and managed to lose him. I’d gone to work that week but it had all been just a blur, and if my performance suffered for it, none of my colleagues had commented.

“Well you can’t mope for forever,” Jules replied.

“Watch me,” I said in a huff, as Jules and Mary exchanged looks.

“Have you tried to get ahold of him again?” Mary asked gently.

“Not since I tried to apologize and he never returned my texts. He doesn’t need some crazy fan bothering him all the time. If he’s done with me, then he is,” I said sadly, suddenly losing interest in my cereal and setting the bowl aside. “I can live with that, you know. Maybe it’s better this way.”

“Are you out of your bloody mind?” Jules asked. “You don’t just give up like that! He’s being stupid if he doesn’t know how amazing you are,” she added.

“But that’s the thing, Jules, he didn’t really know me. We had a handful of encounters, but we weren’t even dating. We had one fantastic day together, and that’s more than I should have asked for. It was just a fantasy, you know?”

Mary sighed softly. “Maybe he’ll come around and change his mind,” she said as I flopped over on the couch.

“Yeah, whatever,” I pouted slightly, hugging Tim to me when he came over to investigate my discarded cereal and petting his fur. I didn’t catch Mary and Jules exchanging glances again.

“We’ll be back in a bit. If you change your mind and want to join us, just text,” Jules said, and I just held up my arm in a “thumbs up” gesture as the girls left the flat. I’d be told much later that they had hatched a plan to fix this little dilemma, and the events of this plan I’ll relay now.

While I was spending my time moping in front of the telly, Jules and Mary were sitting down to coffees at Caffe Nero with none other than Taron. I hadn’t had any idea but Mary had got me distracted and Jules had managed to sneak his number from my phone at some point during the week. She’d rang him and he’d picked up, and after some convincing, had gotten him to meet so they could explain away my apparent idiocy.

“Jules, Mary,” he nodded at them as he sat down at the table, a steaming cup in his hand. Mary tried to stifle a giggle as she found him rather cute as well.

“I won’t waste your time,” Jules started in. “You haven’t returned Jess’s texts, it’s a bit rude, innit?”

Taron narrowed his eyes at Jules, a bit taken aback by her brashness. “I haven’t known what to say, to be honest. I didn’t exactly enjoy being accused of being faithless.”

Mary gave him a concerned look and sighed. “I know it must have not sounded very kind, but I can assure you she didn’t mean it that way at all.”

“How was I supposed to take it?” Taron asked, sipping his coffee and making Mary feel a bit unnerved as he stared at her.

“With a hell of a lot more patience and understanding then you’ve displayed, that’s for sure,” Jules replied. Taron raised an eyebrow at that. “Look, there’s some shit in Jess’s past that you should know about. It’s not exactly my story to tell, but you should know it. Maybe it will make what she asked and why she asked it make sense.”

“I’m listening,” Taron said, though he didn’t seem as upset over it all as before. Perhaps, Mary thought, he seemed just a bit remorseful.

“The thing is, well… She was with a boyfriend three years ago who abused her. And I mean, he beat her so badly one day she could have nearly died. He went to jail for two years and she tried to move on, but she was so afraid when he was about to get released that he’d come after her, that’s why she moved to London a year ago,” Jules said softly, and Taron’s expression changed from impatient to curious to just downright troubled.

“I didn’t know,” he said. “That’s fucking horrible.”

“She hasn’t been with a guy since then. She’s found it very hard to trust anyone. Even worse, the reason he did that was because she’d confronted him for cheating on her. So she’s terrified someone else will do that to her, because somehow she’s got it in her head that it’s what she deserves,” Jules said, as Mary nodded in agreement.

“That she even gave you half a chance has been a massive deal,” Mary added.

“And I’ve nearly squandered that chance, haven’t I?” he asked quietly.

“Oh no, no! You should just text her. Trust me, she’s doing nothing other than moping in front of the telly. Just don’t tell her about this little meeting, not yet. It should be coming from you,” Jules grinned at that.

I don’t really know what happened after that point, because Jules and Mary didn’t fill me in, but sure enough, while I was zoning out to yet another episode of “The Bodyguard,” (Richard Madden was really fit, wasn’t he?) my phone pinged with a text. I grabbed it and looked at the notification, nearly dropping my phone when I saw that Taron had finally,  _ finally _ texted me back.

<Hey we should talk about what happened last week. I’m sorry I got angry but I didn’t understand why you’d said what you did. I feel like I should hear it from you.>

I sat there for a little bit, trying to figure out how to respond. Tim meowed at me because I had stopped petting him. “Don’t you be a greedy Gus,” I laughed at him, scratching his belly again and getting lost in thought for a moment.

I opened my texts and wrote something, then deleted it, rewrote it again, and sighed. <Sure, we can talk. There’s a lot to explain and it won’t be easy. And I’m not sure I can do that in public.> I finally sent that and waited, feeling almost sick to my stomach with sudden nerves.

<I can understand that. Why don’t you come over to my place? No pressure, we’ll just keep it low-key. I can make us some dinner, if you’d like.>

“Are you shitting me?” I asked out loud, and Tim gave me an actual look. “What?” I laughed at him.

<Your place? Are you quite sure?> I sent back.

<Yes, of course. I figured it’d be quiet and comfortable and you wouldn’t have to worry. Please say yes?>

<Well you don’t have to beg a girl, of course I’ll come. Just send me details.> I sent back, and he instantly texted a funny gif response to me, making me laugh. Maybe all of the misery from the past week had been for nothing after all. We had decided on meeting up the following day, since he had some kind of business meeting later Saturday and didn’t want to feel like we were rushed, so when Jules and Mary finally came home I told them the news.

“Oh well that must be a relief!” Jules grinned, and if I hadn’t been so giddy over it myself, I would have caught her tone of voice that said she already knew all about it. We celebrated my good fortune by ordering the best Chinese takeout in North London, spreading it all about the coffee table and making absolute pigs of ourselves. Mary was on her phone as we laid about on the couch, our stomachs absolutely stuffed.

“What’re you doing, Mary?” I asked in a sing-song manner.

“Oiy, she’s on Tinder again!” Jules giggled, making Mary blush.

“Why don’t you just ask your dishy colleague out already? I’m sure he’d say yes,” I giggled.

“I can’t do that! I would have to work with him!” she gasped.

“But that’s the best part!” Jules smirked lightly. “Breakroom quickies!” she said, both of us cackling as Mary tried to shush us, totally embarrassed.

“No but really, if you fancy him you should tell him. Guys are kind of daft, aren’t they? Sometimes you really have to spell it out for them,” I smiled, chin in my hand. “What’s the worst he could say, no?”

“I don’t think either of you understand,” she sighed.

“Come on Mary, we just want you to be happy,” I said.

“Yeah, and your last Tinder date was a total wanker,” Jules added.

“Don’t remind me,” Mary groaned softly.

“Hey, you only live once, and if I can kiss Taron Egerton, then you can ask your colleague out for a coffee,” I smiled at her.

“And now Taron’s having you at his place,” Jules giggled to me. “I’d say that’s a pretty impressive upgrade.”

“Just to talk,” I said, a bit faintly, the full force of it hitting me then.

“Sure, talk,” Jules laughed, hitting me with a pillow. “You’re way too innocent for your own good sometimes!” she grinned as I ducked another swipe with the pillow.

“Yeah, well, Jules, there are still gentlemen out there. What about you and Gavin?” I asked her, grabbing the pillow from her and shoving it under my head.

“We’re getting on alright. He’s a lovely snogger,” she grinned. “We’ve got a date on Tuesday,” she grinned as both Mary and I shrieked at her.

“When were you going to tell us!” Mary laughed.

“Well, I didn’t want to make Jess feel badly that I was on a date with Taron’s friend until I knew things had resolved themselves. And if not, I was going to tell Gavin to kick Taron in the ass for it,” Jules smiled ruefully. “We’ve got your back.”

“Yes you certainly do,” I smiled, content to just be there with my roommates, happy with how life had turned out at the moment. We eventually turned in for the night, and I fell asleep relatively quickly, which for me was rare.

But some time in the night I was awoken by Jules, hugging me tightly to her and rocking me slightly as I screamed, before realizing where exactly I was. “Shhh, it’s okay. You’re safe and you’re not with him. No one’s going to hurt you,” she whispered as I started to calm down from my nightmare. Mary was standing in the doorway, watching me sympathetically as Jules brushed my hair out of my face.

“The nightmare again?” Mary asked softly, and I nodded.

“You’re going to have to tell Taron about all of this,” Jules said as gently as possible.

“I know but...what if he hates me for it?” I asked, tears gathering in the corners of my eyes.

“He won’t hate you for what happened to you. You didn’t choose that, Jess. He can support you and help you move forward but only if you tell him what you’ve been through,” Jules replied.

“I’m not that brave,” I said pathetically.

“Yes you are,” Mary replied. “You’re the bravest person I’ve ever known.” I would have cried at the sweetness of that statement if I wasn’t still slightly terrified. My roommates got me calmed back down, wondering how the hell I was going to be able to tell Taron the full backstory the next day. I hadn’t gone back to those memories in at least a year, ever since I’d come to London to try and reinvent myself. But if anyone deserved to hear it, I knew it was him. I drifted off to sleep and my roommates must have left me at some point, as I woke up the next morning feeling a bit groggy and alone.

I spent the Sunday morning trying to ignore my nerves and distract myself from the inevitable, but as the clock ticked on to afternoon I knew I’d have to start getting ready. I’d chosen a long black skirt and a yellow blouse, something cute but casual, and tossed a jean jacket over that. Jules was at work, much to her chagrin, and Mary was busy in her room when I left, though she’d given me her best pep talk already.

I clutched my umbrella to me as I headed for the tube, looking up worriedly at the darkening sky. It was going to storm, and I hoped I’d make it to Taron’s before it poured. I made it onto the train and tried to remain calm. He didn’t actually live that far away from my flat, much to my surprise, but by the time I emerged out of the station the skies had opened up.

“Bloody fantastic,” I swore under my breath, putting up my umbrella and trying to hide from the driving rain, but it was already soaking the edges of my skirt as I avoided puddles and followed my phone’s directions. While waiting to cross the street, a lorry came through and ran right through a puddle, splashing water up onto the sidewalk - and all over me.

“Oh my god,” I said, standing there dripping dirty street water and shivering. I had half a mind to text Taron I couldn’t make it after all but I already had a text from him. <Dinner’s on the stove. Can’t wait to see you!>

I was too far away to turn back and not be exceptionally late, so I finally just made the decision to show up, soaked as I was. It wouldn’t be the first time, I thought to myself ruefully; after all, that’s how I’d first run into Taron at the Tesco, after a sudden shower like this. My umbrella was mostly useless at this point as I hurried along; water was even dripping from my hair and down my back. I arrived at his place, as unassuming on the outside as he himself was, and I knocked primly, trying to wring out my skirt a bit as I waited.

He popped the door open and I covered my mouth with my hand and laughed because I hadn’t expected him to be wearing a frilly apron. “My mum got it for me as a joke for Christmas but I find it rather useful,” he winked at me as the most delicious aroma wafted out.

He beckoned me inside and I stood in the hallway, apologizing for dripping all over the floor but he didn’t seem bothered by it, only went to retrieve a fluffy towel for me. I peeled off my jacket and wrapped the towel around myself, but was pretty much soaked all the way down to my undergarments. I shivered a bit violently and refused to sit on his sofa and after some deliberation, Taron decided the best thing to do was to lend me some clothes and get mine into the dryer. So, feeling completely and utterly self-conscious, I stripped off all my wet clothes and changed into a pair of plaid pajama pants and a grey sweatshirt he lent me, grateful that they fit rather well and realizing I was very much naked underneath them.

“Well that’s better, love,” Taron grinned as I came out of the bathroom and curled up on the corner of the sofa. “Not the first time someone’s wound up in my clothes,” he added with a smirk, which really wasn’t helping me with the whole situation. “Hope you’re hungry,” he added, going back to the kitchen and making up bowls of rice and tikka masala. He handed me a bowl and sat a basket of homemade naan bread down as well, and I had to be impressed. My mouth watered at how good everything looked and smelled, and after also setting out some beers and waters for us both, he joined me on the couch.

“This is absolutely delicious,” I said around a bite, not caring how I looked as I stuffed more rice in my mouth. I hadn’t realized how starving I was; I’d barely eaten earlier because of my nerves. I wondered if I’d ever get over the anxiety of being in Taron’s presence. That seemed to be something fans would debate until the end of time; if you could ever transition from just being a fan to being something more with the person you most fancied. Believe me, sitting on Taron’s couch, wearing his casual clothes no less, felt incredibly surreal.

“It’s a bit of a specialty,” he grinned at me. Our conversation flowed well, just as comfortable and easy as it had been while we ate, but eventually it turned to more serious topics. Whether Taron specifically steered it toward our past relationships or not, that’s where we ended up and I felt a rising pressure in my chest as he waited patiently for me to open up the same way he had. 

“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want,” he said softly, but I suddenly felt the need to confess it all. Either he’d understand, or he’d shut me out; all I could do was be honest.

“No, I do. If we’re going to move forward with this at all, it’s only fair to explain why I’m anxious to be here with you,” I said, taking a long swig from my beer and sighing heavily before launching into the awful story of my ex, the one who’d ended up in jail after assaulting me. I know it came out in fits and starts, and sometimes I paused an unnaturally long time when I had to relive the pain of the most difficult parts, but Taron encouraged me and was so patient and kind over my vulnerability. At some point he ended up holding my hand, stroking his thumb over the back of mine, both of us laying our heads against the cushions, our faces only inches from each other.

“I don’t remember everything from that night,” I said slowly. “I don’t remember calling the police, but I must have because I was alone when they broke in the door and found me bleeding half to death on the kitchen floor. He broke some ribs and an arm. My face was nothing but pulp. He’d stabbed me in my stomach and cut me navel to hip. I’ve got a scar here,” I said, indicating my waistline, “that will never let me forget it.”

I finally raised my eyes to his face and realized he’d been silently crying, for me. I reached up with a shaking hand and brushed the teardrops from his cheeks.

“Oh no, no, don’t do that. I’ll cry too,” I whispered softly, fighting back tears myself. “I’ve worked so hard to overcome that, but I’ve had a really hard time trusting someone else. I was stupid that night, in the woods with you, but I was also really scared of falling for you.”

“I’m so, so sorry you’ve been through that,” he replied, the emotion clear in his voice as he fought to get the words out. “That anyone would hurt you… I just can’t understand that. You deserve someone who can protect you and care for you and make you believe again,” he said gently. “All I want is the chance to prove to you that it can be different. I’d protect you. I’d care for you,” he said, running his fingers softly along my jaw and cheek. The ache for me and honesty I saw in his gaze made me want to give him that chance, to take a flying leap off the edge and let him catch me. I knew I needed to heal fully, and maybe Taron could be that bridge for me.

“Okay,” I said with a shaky voice, his green eyes boring into my brown ones, burning away what insecurity I still felt and igniting something else, some other desire in me that had just been lurking beneath the surface. I let him pull me in close, our breaths mingling as I focused in on his lips, the softness of them as they whispered my name.

We seemed suspended in that moment for a heartbeat of time before he was kissing me, and every thought I had faded away. Gone were my insecurities about my body, born of a brutality that had marked me; gone were my fears of being vulnerable and exposed and real. There was only me, and Taron, and nothing but our blossoming feelings for each other as we kissed on the couch, the rain pounding the windows outside. I could have kissed him for forever, because there really was nothing like it. He gave back to me in a way I had never experienced, when being physical with anyone before had only taken something from me. We broke apart finally, our chests heaving and our lips a bit red and puffy.

“Holy shit,” I whispered, staring at him and trying to ignore the pounding in my body for him. Acting on that could only go somewhere I wasn’t sure I was ready for.

“Can I see it?” he asked suddenly. “Your scar?”

My insides squeezed uncomfortably at his request, but there was absolutely nothing salacious about it. If anything, he seemed simply to want to help me overcome the burden it had been the past three years.  _ Why the hell not _ , I thought to myself; it really was now or never. I knelt on the sofa cushion and rolled the hem of the sweatshirt up slightly and yanked the elastic band of the pajama pants low on my hips, revealing the raised red scar that stretched from my belly button across to the side of my left hip. Taron bit his lip at the sight of it, and I hugged my arms across my chest. He leaned over and ran a finger along the puckered skin, long ago healed but bringing back flashes of memory.

He looked up at me through his lashes before bending forward and placing a kiss along the scar. I whimpered softly at the feeling of his lips that low on my body and his breath against my skin. “Taron,” I gasped slightly as he traced the line toward my hip with his kisses, my fingers entwining in his hair. I’d never felt something so deeply intimate before.

“This makes you a warrior, love, nothing less,” Taron spoke finally; I’m not actually sure how much time had passed with us like that.

“I think you’ve got me completely wrong,” I sighed slightly at that, pulling the sweatshirt’s hem back down into place.

“Oh no, I think you’ve got  _ you _ completely wrong,” he said, gently pushing me backward so I was laying on the couch as he hovered over me. My breath caught in my chest again and I wondered if he could hear my heart trying to beat out of my chest. “But you can’t hide your strength and spirit from me, Jess,” he said, running his hands along my sides, up under the sweatshirt and drawing goosebumps along my skin. 

He leaned in and stole a couple kisses from me, keeping me just as breathless as before as I felt his weight settle over me. Just then, my phone started ringing on the coffee table; I recognized the ringtone instantly as the one I’d chosen for Mary. She knew where I was, and though it’d gotten a bit late in the evening, I wouldn’t have expected her to worry, so there must have been another reason she was calling. Still, when Taron asked me if I needed to get that call, I shook my head and pulled him down for more kisses. The call went to voicemail but then she rang me again, and I knew then something was wrong.

“Sorry,” I said as he backed off and let me sit up. I grabbed my phone and answered it right away, my lips still tingling from Taron’s kisses. I listened for a few minutes, my face growing concerned as Mary was in a near panic on the other side. I gathered that something was wrong with Tim, and she and Jules were taking him to the emergency vet clinic, and I promised to be there.

“Mary’s cat Tim is really sick. I’ve got to go,” I said apologetically to Taron, getting up off the couch and nearly toppling over his feet in my haste.

“Hey, slow down,” he said quickly, holding my arm to steady me. “I’ll drive you over there. No sense in taking the tube this late.”

I nodded at that and we quickly left his home, not even remembering I was still wearing Taron’s clothes until we breezed in through the vet clinic doors and Jules looked me up and down. I had to ignore the question in her face as I gave Mary a hug and she started crying all over again.

“He’s in surgery now, he swallowed something he shouldn’t have and was in so much pain,” she said as I patted her hair. We sat there in the lobby making small talk while we passed the time until a vet tech came out to tell us all Tim was doing just fine. The surgery was relatively routine; animals apparently swallowed things they shouldn’t all the time. We had to leave Tim there overnight for observation but were at least allowed to see him before Taron offered to drive us all back to our flat. The night had certainly deflated whatever could have happened between Taron and me and I just felt emotionally spent and exhausted now.

Almost as if by some unspoken agreement, Mary and Jules both thanked Taron and left the car first when we’d arrived, giving us a moment alone together in the dark. “Thank you for dinner, and for everything, really. For listening and for forgiving me,” I said softly.

“Forgive you for what? For being human?” he said, a smile playing at his lips. “I’m grateful you decided to trust me.”

“Yeah, well…” I said shyly. “When can I see you next?” I asked, finally feeling hopeful again.

“That’s something I needed to discuss with you,” he said quietly. “I’ll be out of the country for the next month.” I felt my heart sink straight to my shoes.

“What?” I asked stupidly, even though I knew his acting career took him all over the place. In fact, I’d done a table read for a project with him not that long ago.  _ For his work _ , I reminded myself.

“We’ll text, and video call, and we’ll just make it work,” he said sweetly, trying to reassure me but my mind was reeling. “It’ll be alright, Jess,” he said, taking my hand in his and squeezing it.

“Of course, right,” I mumbled, and couldn’t bring myself to look at him.

“I’m not about to leave my girlfriend hanging,” he said, and I nearly gave myself whiplash as I jerked my head up to face him, my mouth hanging open. He just snickered at that while I tried to find words. “And if it can be arranged, I’ll see about bringing you out with me, yeah?” he said, brushing my hair back behind my ears. “It’ll be okay, I promise,” he said, raising an eyebrow at me again, and I finally laughed a little.

“You know, boyfriend has a nice ring to it,” I said, letting him pull me in and kissing him some more until Mary and Jules started flicking the porch light on and off at us.

“God, they’re totally watching,” I giggled at that, flipping off the dark shapes in the window and having to laugh.

“It’s late, and you should get some rest,” he smiled, his eyes fairly dancing at me and I could barely contain my joy. We managed to take our goodbyes from each other, and I could not have felt more in heaven. I had absolutely no idea how we were going to manage the next month apart; I was quite certain the wait was going to be the worst. But he’d firmly placed his commitment to me, to us, in my hands, and I was determined to live up to that. But damn if Taron Egerton hadn’t already gone and stolen my heart.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Although Jess and Taron are officially dating now, will they have what it takes to survive a month apart? This chapter contains plenty of sweet fluffy moments.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Mild cursing

I was startled awake by the sound of a large stack of papers hitting the top of my desk. I sat upright so quickly I nearly tipped over in my desk chair, and blinked a few times before gathering where I was. At work, at my desk. Right, just where I shouldn’t have been napping. I gazed up at my boss, who was tapping his foot impatiently.

“Sorry, what do you need?” I asked, wiping the corner of my mouth as surreptitiously as possible.

“Office, now,” he said, and strode off.  _ Shit. _

It’d been two weeks since Taron had left London for his work, and while I’d like to say I handled that time with complete calm and utter grace, that just wouldn’t be me. Most of the time he would be available to talk was the middle of the night for me, and sometimes our conversations would take up hours so I’d crawl into work after only having slept three or four.

I sighed and rearranged my clothes slightly, making sure I didn’t look as rumpled as I felt, and hurried off to my boss’ office, shutting the door behind me and trying to steel myself for the inevitable lecture.

“Please, have a seat,” he said, gesturing to the chair. I perched on the edge of it, feeling ashamed and still exhausted.

“Is something going on that I should know about, Jess? I’ve noticed you’ve been exhausted and a bit scattered the past two weeks, and I just wanted to make sure everything in your home life is okay, and if not, if there’s anything I can do to help,” he said concernedly.

“I, uh, yes, everything’s fine. There’s just someone really important to me who’s been out of the country and so the only time we get to talk some days is late at night in my time zone. I’ve been trying to balance everything and not let it encroach on work but obviously I haven’t been perfect at that,” I admitted with a heavy sigh. “I’m sorry, I’ll do better,” I said, figuring that’s what my boss wanted to hear.

“If we need to adjust your hours to give you a later starting time, I think that could be arranged,” he said sympathetically.

“Really?” I asked, surprised again.

“We’re not tyrants here, Jess. Maybe that’s how it was for you in America, but we don’t try to take over our employees’ lives, and you’re one of our hardest workers here. You put in extra hours and always go the extra mile and that hasn’t been lost on me. So if this helps you get more sleep and be more productive, then I’m willing to try it out,” he smiled at that.

“Just for a couple more weeks,” I nodded, still a bit surprised with the outcome. We worked out some later hours for me and even the possibility of working from home when I didn’t have a table read, and I felt much better about things once I returned to my desk.

I made it through the rest of the workday with a hefty amount of caffeine and was grateful when I finally made it home to the flat. I kicked off my heels and laid down in my bed, still just completely worn out. I don’t remember dozing off, but I must have because I was awoken by my phone ringing. I had to dig it out from the sheets and it took a second for me to register that it was a video chat from Taron. I accepted the call and sat up, probably looking like a hot mess.

“Heeeey babe!” Taron grinned cheerily. I checked the time quickly; it was already night for him so I assumed he was just in his hotel room.

“Oh, hey,” I smiled sleepily.

“Did I wake you?” he asked, giving me the most adorable grin.

“Yeah, but I wasn’t supposed to be sleeping, so it’s alright,” I laughed. “I just got home from work an hour ago.”

“I see that,” he grinned, looking over me as I was still dressed in my nice office clothes.

“You mean I’m not just chilling in my jammies for once?” I giggled, before telling him I’d gotten caught napping accidentally at work but that it was all alright because my boss was amazing and I respected him for it. “It sounds silly to say it, but things have been really different for me here in London. I feel respected as an actual professional, not just someone’s slave,” I said thoughtfully. “Not to mention, I met you and that wasn’t something I ever counted on,” I grinned.

“I am oh so grateful that we did, though,” he said sweetly, making that familiar ache grow in my chest.

“I miss you so much,” I whispered softly, wishing I could reach through the screen and touch his beautiful face.

“I miss you too, badly,” he said, the video screen shaking as he seemed to readjust his position. I had to look away so it wouldn’t make me feel dizzy. “But it’s only two more weeks until you get to see me again. We can make it.”

“Do I sound pathetic?” I laughed at that.

“No, of course not, Jess. We’ve literally talked every day because I can’t stand not seeing your face. So if you’ve got it bad, so have I,” he replied.

“Oh, T,” I laughed softly. Sometimes he said things like that, and I didn’t always know how to respond. Our relationship had certainly grown despite the distance between us, and he always made it a point to text me good morning and good night no matter the time of day it was, or leave me funny memes or pictures to make me laugh. I loved how caring and thoughtful he was. He’d done everything in his power to keep me from feeling lonely and I was trying hard to stay grateful.

“I wish I could have brought you out here but that just wasn’t going to work,” he frowned, wrinkling his brow.

“It’s okay. I don’t want to distract you from your work. You know, work I’m completely and utterly going to fangirl over when I get to see it,” I teased lightly. “Don’t forget, Taron Egerton, I may be your girlfriend but I’m also your Number One fan,” I added, giggling.

“Oh boy,” he just chuckled. “Well I hope you’re ready for the VIP experience, because my girlfriend gets a very special place at my side,” he said sweetly.

“I wouldn’t want it any other way,” I smiled, as I heard the front door open. Mary must have just arrived home from work, and Jules wouldn’t be far behind.

“Roomies home?” Taron asked, having seen me look away at something. I nodded at that and yawned again.

“Shit, I need more coffee or something,” I whined.

“Or sleep,” Taron chuckled softly. “I decided it was my turn to stay up late and talk to you at a more normal time for you. I hate that I’ve gone and made you exhausted.”

“Oh please, talking every night has been the best part of every day,” I grinned at that. “I’ll take the exhaustion over not getting to see you. I just wish I could be _ with _ you right now. But, I know there will be more days like this ahead. I love what you do for a living and this might just be how it goes for us at times. I promise I can handle that.”

“I’m not so worried about you, love,” Taron said with a tired smile. “I’ve just gotten quite attached, you know. When I fall, I tend to fall hard,” he admitted.

_ Fallen for me? _ I thought to myself giddily. It still seemed hardly true at times that I was dating someone I’d long been a fan of, but it also just felt normal too. I’d met him on his level, as just another person living their life in London, and that our lives had intersected and started twining themselves around each other seemed almost meant to happen. We ended up having a lot of things in common, same musical tastes and interests in books and films. We could carry on conversations for hours about the deeper things in life. He was always thoughtful and introspective and unafraid to be emotional. Our personalities meshed so well, the more I got to know of the person he was when the cameras weren’t on. And I was beginning to deeply love that person.

“Hey, what are you thinking?” he asked, after I realized I’d been silent for a moment or two with my thoughts.

“How well we get on with each other,” I mused.

“Almost like it was meant to be,” Taron smirked back at me, his eyes dancing a bit.

“If that sudden storm hadn’t chased us into Tesco’s, and I hadn’t really needed brown sauce that day, then who knows if we’d ever have talked,” I laughed at that. “So yeah, it’s feeling a bit fated, isn’t it?”

“The brown sauce really did the trick,” Taron laughed heartily.

“I’m a bit obsessed, I know,” I giggled, pretending to hide my embarrassment behind my hands. 

“But really, I can’t imagine I wouldn’t have somehow noticed a woman as beautiful as you walking about London.”

“Taaaron, you’re too kind,” I whined slightly. “Tell me again why we have to be apart right now?”

He just chuckled at that, and looked about to fall asleep. “You should go get some rest, babe,” I replied gently.

“Before I drop my phone on my face,” he smirked lightly. “Talk to you soon,” he promised sweetly, waving at the camera, and I tried to remember everything about his precious face in the moment. We took our good-byes and I at once found myself having to combat the feeling of loneliness that washed over me.

I got up and changed out of my work clothes into just a simple pair of jeans and a shirt I’d dumped on the floor that was still at least half-clean before heading out of my room to find Mary, nearly tripping over Tim stretched out in the hallway. “Damnit, Tim!” I said, laughing and hopping on one leg after stubbing my toe on the hardwood floor in an effort to avoid him. He just meowed at me indignantly and didn’t move.  _ That cat had more sass than most adults _ , I giggled to myself before flopping on the couch.

“So, how’s the day?” I asked Mary.

“Oh! Good!” she grinned over at me, flipping through channels on the telly a bit idly. “Might have a date with my co-worker,” she said off-handedly.

“What!” I shrieked loudly. “No way! Tell me details, come on!” I giggled.

“Well, I took your advice and finally just asked Emmett if he were available and wanted to maybe get a coffee sometime and he actually said yes!” she grinned.

“Maaarreeeee!” I laughed. “I’m so happy for you,” I giggled. “And what did I say, huh?”

“Yeah, yeah, you told me so, I know,” she rolled her eyes at me. “It’s just scary! I don’t want to mess anything up.”

“You’ve just got to let it flow naturally, I guess. Try not to try too hard. When it forces things is when it gets awkward,” I tried to advise.

“What about you and Taron? How are things?” she asked curiously.

“Really good, I think. I miss him like mad. But we talk a lot, about a lot of stupid shit, really. And sometimes we fall asleep on each other and that’s always cute. But we’re becoming best friends first and that’s really important, I think. I’ve only kissed him a couple of times!” I giggled. “I want nothing more than to just be able to hug him again. But we’ve managed the first two weeks already and we’ll manage the next two weeks and then you can bet I’m going to tackle his ass at the airport!” I grinned, making Mary laugh.

“Well I think you two are couples goals,” she smiled. “It’s way too cute.”

“Well thanks, babes, I appreciate it. I really think I’m falling for him, head over heels,” I sighed softly. We talked a bit longer until Jules came home, pissed off about something at work, so we spent the next hour or so dishing on her idiot co-workers and making dinner together. It felt really good to just be there with my friends, allowing myself to be distracted from missing Taron so much. The evening ended relatively anticlimactically, and I fell asleep totally exhausted but at least happy.

The next week passed much the same, and I ended up grateful for my later hours, which meant I was much more refreshed and able to focus on work, and still get my late-night chats in with Taron. He was even sweet enough to have flowers ordered and sent to my work, and I loved looking at them at my desk and being reminded that I had someone who really cared about me. Our relationship was so much more than just what I could do for him; he returned that in kind and sometimes, even more than I felt I could.

“Mail!” Jules called out, breaking into my train of thought as I was perched on the couch, laptop on my lap, typing away at a script I was working on. She held the envelope in front of my face until I grabbed it. “What is this?” I asked, noticing it was from a travel agency.

“Hell if I know, but it’s got your name on it,” she shrugged, sitting on the couch and waiting for me to open it, nosy as she was.

“I never sent away for anything from this agency,” I commented as I slid my finger under the flap to open it. I pulled out what was inside, a plane ticket nestled inside a letter that simply read “ _ Pack your bags and meet me in a week. I promise to make up for this month apart. -T _ ”

Jules shrieked so loudly I nearly upset my laptop onto the ground. “Oh my god! That’s like the most romantic thing ever!”

“Jesus, Jules,” I laughed, a bit stunned as I tried to focus on the ticket’s destination.  _ Dubrovnik? _ I thought, having to Google where that even was. Apparently it was a seaside town in Croatia; I had no idea, but I was sure Taron had chosen it for a particular reason.

“I don’t even know if I can go, Jules. I have work, I can’t just leave in a week. That’s insane,” I laughed softly.

“I’m sure Taron already cleared that with your boss. He seems the kind of guy to have planned all of that out,” Jules giggled.  _ She had a fair point, _ I thought, finally giggling over it also.

“Holy shit. I’m going to Dubrovnik in a week,” I said, still not even sure how to process that. 

I’m pretty sure I fairly floated through the next week, after confirming that Taron had indeed cleared my vacation with my boss a month ago, which surprised me that he’d already been thinking so far ahead. It also suddenly made so much sense as to why my boss had been kind to me about my exhaustion; he’d already known about Taron and my relationship and hadn’t been surprised in the least about it.

Jules had insisted that we go shopping and she persuaded me to choose some cute dresses and bathing suits and, even though I tried to get out of it, she conned me into the lingerie store too, much to my chagrin. I felt there was no way Taron would want to see my body in some lacy racy thing, but Jules promised to pay for it so I had a hard time saying no to the black sheer babydoll she convinced me to pick out.

I ended up shoving the lingerie on the bottom of the suitcase as I packed, leaving the tags on because I couldn’t really stomach the thought of myself in it. I tried to be practical also, and packed a pair of jeans and some leggings along with some cute blouses and tees. I figured we would mostly be comfortable; he’d seen me in my after-work clothes or pajamas so often now that it hardly seemed to matter. Plus, even if I’d fantasized about it more than once, I wasn’t exactly sure we’d end up sleeping together. We were closer than ever now, yes, but we had barely been physical. 

I awoke the morning of my flight feeling both excited and nervous. Taron and I had talked briefly just before I’d gone to bed, and he had seemed so happy to finally see me. He told me he’d arrive in Dubrovnik a couple hours before me, and would be awaiting my arrival impatiently. He was just far too sweet for his own good, I thought as I dressed quickly. I did my hair and makeup and finished putting my toiletries together, nestling them in the space I’d reserved in my suitcase and latching it shut. I already had my carryon ready to go, and lugged both of those out to the main room before summoning an Uber to arrive in a half-hour.

Mary and Jules were eating breakfast but I felt a bit sick to my stomach thanks to nerves, so I just grabbed a protein bar and some coffee and made small talk with them until I got the notification that my Uber had arrived.

“Alright, ladies,” I grinned. “This is it. I’ll see you lovelies in a week!” I grinned as they both got up off the couch to hug me.

“You will have so much fun!” Jules squealed, happy for me.

“And come back all tanned, I bet,” Mary joked, and I laughed at that.

“Yeah, we’ll see. It’s gonna take a miracle to make me not blinding white,” I laughed, hoisting the carryon strap over my shoulder.

“Oh please,” Mary just grinned as Jules snapped her fingers and yelled “Hold on a sec!” as she ran off to her room. Mary just shrugged at me, but the look on her face told me she knew exactly what Jules was up to. Mary was a terrible liar.

Jules came back holding something behind her back. I tried to get a glimpse but she dodged my attempts and unzipped my suitcase, shoving something in there and zipping it back up. It was a box of some kind, but I couldn’t tell what. “What the hell did you just sneak into my suitcase?” I laughed at my roomies’ antics.

“Just something we figure you’ll need and wouldn’t have thought of yourself. Just trust us,” Jules said with a smirk.

“If those are condoms, so help me,” I said with mock severity.

“Oh for bloody’s sake, Jess. You’ve been flirting with Taron for three months now. Don’t you think it’s time?” Jules giggled, as I rolled my eyes but also blushed.

“Yeah, well, I can’t go into this expecting that, you know,” I shrugged. “Anyway, I’ve got to go. Bye!” I said, grabbing my suitcase and pulling it along with me, figuring I could toss the box later if I needed to. No sense in giving myself needless hopes.

“Have fun, but not too much fun!” Jules called out the door as I playfully flipped her off and hurried to the waiting Uber. I tossed my suitcase and bag in the back seat and soon we were heading off to the airport. My Uber driver had a decent playlist playing and didn’t seem one for conversation, and that was fine with me. I thanked him once we arrived at Heathrow and got myself through security and customs before feeling like I could finally relax a little.

<Just waiting to board! I can’t wait!> I texted Taron. I had no idea if he was already in the air or not, but almost immediately a text pinged through.

<I can’t wait to kiss your lovely face again. It’s been too long!> he wrote, making me swoon a bit.

<Same, T. Same> I texted back with a smile.

<I really think you’ll love it there. There were many things I wanted to see or do when I was filming but I was far too busy to do so, so I thought some day I’d like to go back and this felt like the perfect opportunity. And even better to have such lovely company. You deserve a break too, your boss told me you hadn’t taken any vacation time since you started working there over a year ago.>

<I’ve just enjoyed the job so much and truthfully had no where I really wanted to go. London has suited me just fine> I texted back.

<Yes, well, you had vacation days to burn. With me> Taron really could be so cheeky sometimes, I thought as I heard the attendant begin the boarding process. We texted until I was seated comfortably in my first class seat; I’d never flown first class so this was an experience I intended to savor. The flight was smooth as could be, which made me happy. I watched a movie, read some, and mostly daydreamed about being in Taron’s arms again. I was incredibly impatient to deplane once we had landed in Dubrovnik; the process felt like it took forever but was probably no longer than normal.

<We’re here! We’ve landed safely! Just waiting to get off this plane!> I texted.

<I’ll be waiting, love> came the reply.

I made a pit stop in the bathroom on my way to baggage claim, mostly because I had to pee really badly but also because I wanted to make sure I looked put together. I exchanged my leggings for a skirt I had stashed in my carryon and ran my fingers through my hair, nodding to my reflection in the mirror. That would just have to do.

I had to make myself walk at a normal pace as I followed the signs to baggage claim, but probably dashed the final bit, trying not to knock into people rudely. I slowed as I neared the carousels, searching for my boyfriend ( _ I was still so giddy over that word _ ) in the crowd, and spotted him easily enough. He was holding two coffees and looking extra fit in tight jeans, a black shirt and a silken patterned button-down over that. But he could have been wearing a trash bag and he still would have stood out. His bright eyes and chiseled jaw were things I would never get tired of admiring. When he finally spotted me, the way his smile grew on his face made something in my chest ache, and soon we were crossing the space between us at the same time, meeting in the middle.

I dropped my carryon to the ground and Taron somehow managed to set the coffees down on top of his own suitcase without spilling a drop before enveloping me in his hug, burying his face against my shoulder as I hugged him tightly back. We stayed like that for a couple of minutes, before finally pulling away just long enough to gaze adoringly at each other. “I know I’ve said this 80 times before, but I’ve missed you so much,” he said softly, tearing up slightly.

“Oh god, stop, you’ll make me cry too,” I laughed, having to wipe at my eyes a bit. “I’ve missed you like crazy also. Funny how that works, even if you talk every day, it’s just not the same.”

“You certainly can’t do this over the phone,” he said, tilting my chin up and leaning in, kissing me sweetly. It was even better than I remembered, the taste of caramel latte still on his lips. I relished it, letting him pull me to him; if anyone gave us looks, we couldn’t care at all. When we broke apart again he hugged me one more time for good measure, before scooping our coffees back up and handing me one. I grabbed my carryon again and we went to find the right carousel.

We chatted excitedly while waiting on my luggage to appear, Taron filling me in on how lovely the place was. I felt a thrill of excitement travel through me; I really was on a full week of vacation, alone with this man. I had no idea what he had planned, but I was so ready to discover it all with him. Taron grabbed my suitcase when it arrived, and for some reason my brain chose that moment to remind me that Jules had slipped a box of condoms inside; I ended up giggling like a lunatic, and Taron looked over at me, his eyebrow raised.

“Nothing, just thought of something funny Jules did is all,” I tried to explain.

“Why am I not surprised?” Taron chuckled as we headed toward the exit, stepping out into the bright sunshine and blue sky. Taron hailed a cab and gave the driver the name and address of the hotel we’d be staying at after we’d loaded in our luggage and clambered in. It suddenly occurred to me that I hadn’t thought this all through.  _ Oh, right, all alone, in the same room, in the same bed, with Taron _ , I thought, feeling something seize in my chest.  _ Was I ready for that? Were we? _ He seemed to sense my tension and reached over to squeeze my hand.

“Alright, love?” he asked me concernedly.

“Yeah, of course,” I said, a bit faintly.

“No, what’s wrong, be honest with me please,” he said, turning my head so I was looking at him.

“I just don’t think we discussed our sleeping arrangements yet,” I managed to stammer out.

“Oh sweetheart,” he said gently. “I booked us a room with two beds, so you wouldn’t be anxious over that,” he replied. He really did know me too well. “I promise you, this isn’t some setup. I wanted you here to enjoy yourself, to relax and have fun with me. Nothing will happen unless you want it to, understand?” he said, almost as if he was reading my mind. I nodded and tried to not feel ashamed of my anxiety. Any other girl would probably jump at the chance and not look back, but overcoming what I’d been through was going to take some time. Taron seemed to understand that and I was so grateful for him.

As we left the airport I couldn’t help but look out the windows around me, taking in the place, especially the historic district of the old city. I took in the stunning architecture and the people in it, baking under the sun. We drove a little bit of a ways out, to the other side of the bay, stopping in front of the Hotel Bellevue. We disembarked from the taxi, Taron paying our fare and then unloading our luggage. We walked inside and I had to gasp. The place screamed luxury and expense, sleek and modern with an unparalleled view of the Adriatic Sea. It was more than I honestly could have hoped for.

“Taron, this is too much,” I said softly after he had checked us in and was leading us up to our room. “I feel like I should be helping you pay for some of this,” I said, but he waved off my concern.

“Nonsense. I invited you here. I chose where I wanted to stay, but I asked you to come along with me. And you deserve the best,” he winked. “Besides, all I do is work. I’m finally taking a moment to rest. I should be able to enjoy what I’ve worked so hard for.”

“Yes you should,” I agreed. “I’m just not a freeloader.”

“Jess,” he said, turning to stop me in my tracks. “I try really hard not to judge people I don’t know but whoever you’ve been with before certainly didn’t know how to treat you well or right. And maybe this is a grand gesture, sure, but who would want to vacation by themselves anyway? This isn’t just for me, it’s for us, and that has nothing to do with money. I don’t care about that. I just want time with you, and that’s not something I’d ever expect you to pay for, alright?” he said, his expression so genuine I could only nod in agreement. “Now, you’re just going to have to get used to a bit of pampering,” he grinned, as we continued on our way to our room.

He let us in and I could only shake my head at how cozy and lovely it was, and the view out the windows and our private balcony were to die for. I couldn’t resist pushing open the doors and stepping outside to take in the view and the sea salt air. I breathed in deeply, resting my hands on the railing and leaning out slightly.

“Like what you see?” Taron grinned, coming up behind me and placing his hands on either side of me on the railing.

“Very much so,” I replied, smiling to myself. It definitely wasn’t so bad to feel him so close to me.

He leaned in close, slowly brushing my hair to one side and placing a couple of sweet kisses on my neck, drawing shivers down my spine as I felt his breath on my skin. “Welcome to Dubrovnik, love.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Vacationing with Taron in Dubrovnik feels like just a dream for Jess. But when Taron starts sharing real feelings, will Jess be able to reciprocate? This chapter contains adult themes, so turn back now if you’re not prepared to read it. You’ve been warned! Enjoy! x

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Mild smut

_ Welcome to Dubrovnik, love. _

It wasn’t just what Taron said that thrilled me, it was the way he said it too. When his voice dropped low, there was something incredibly sexy about it, and I wasn’t immune to the effect it had on people. I couldn’t help but squeal to myself a bit while Taron hugged me cutely from behind, very happy to be there with me. I don’t think I was ever going to get over that fact, that I was the reason for the smile on his face now.

As much as I wanted to admire both the view in front of me and the one behind me, my stomach growled rather loudly and I knew I needed to eat soon or I’d start feeling faint. Taron, of course, heard the noises and chuckled.

“Do we need to get you something to eat?” 

“I’m positively starving. All I’ve had so far today has been a protein bar, a handful of airline pretzels and coffee,” I said, thinking about it for a moment. “Yep, that’s it.”

“What, that’s hardly enough, love,” Taron said, looking concerned for a moment.

“Nerves have been bad, but I’m here now so I think I can eat!” I grinned. “What about you, aren’t you hungry too?” I asked, turning around in his arms and poking his stomach, which in all actuality was quite firm.

“I am always up for food, no question,” Taron smirked lightly.

“Somehow that surprises me!” I laughed, as we finally went back inside the suite. I poked about a bit more, checking out the incredibly luxurious bathroom as well. Oh, it definitely had a jacuzzi tub in it, and I had to keep my thoughts from straying somewhere they shouldn’t.

“My diet is absolute crap, much to my agent and everyone else’s disappointment,” Taron giggled. “And when I don’t have to be fit, I’m usually not.”

“Well I will take you any way you are,” I grinned, wrapping my arms around him and reaching up to steal a kiss or three. “So where are you taking me?” I grinned.

Taron had been scrolling through his phone, I presume to find an appetizing place to eat, and raised his eyebrow at me cutely. “I think we’ll go to Azure first. I had them once and the food was amazing,” he grinned.

“Anything, at this point, sounds amazing,” I laughed.

“This place is on the edge of the Old Town, so we can meander through that once we’re done eating. I think you’ll love it,” Taron said, cutely excited as we left our luggage behind in the room and went out to eat and explore.

The weather could not have been more perfect. It was a little warm, sure, but with the constant breeze off the coast it seemed bearable, and I enjoyed the feel of the sun on my skin. We ended up getting an Uber to drop us off at the Old City gates and walked the rest of the way in to the restaurant so I could gape in awe at the gorgeous place again.

“I can’t believe you spent weeks filming here, that must have felt so lucky. It’s incredible,” I said enthusiastically, swinging Taron’s hand in mine between us as we walked. We made it to the restaurant, a mix of Asian fusion and Mediterranean influences, and it was difficult to choose. I wanted to try so many things. We ended up sharing the wasabi salmon pouches and I ordered the meatballs in coconut curry sauce, but of course I had to steal bites of Taron’s swordfish in black curry sauce. It was all delicious, and we left the restaurant feeling absolutely stuffed.

We walked about the old town streets, poking in shops and stalls tucked into alleys, just enjoying being leisurely together until jet lag started to catch up to us both. “Ready to head back to the hotel and just relax?” Taron asked me sweetly, noticing my energy flagging.

“I think that’d be a good idea, much as I’d love to keep walking,” I smiled.

“We’ll feel so much more refreshed tomorrow, I’m sure. But being lazy right now sounds like a good plan,” he grinned. We returned to our hotel and cuddled up on the couch together, surfing through the English channels on the telly to find something to watch. I must have dozed off because the sun was low in the sky when I came to, nestled against Taron’s chest. He stirred slightly when he felt me sit up and cracked his eyes open. “Get some rest?” he asked me gently, and I nodded, yawning a bit and having a stretch.

“Hopefully you weren’t trapped for too long,” I smiled as he ruffled my hair cutely.

“I dozed myself,” he grinned. “But I am a bit hungry again,” he laughed, and I couldn’t help smiling over that. Eating and sleeping and not doing much else sounded like the perfect kind of vacation to me. We ended up walking just down the street to Magellan, sharing sweetbread and enjoying our pasta courses and some wine. Either I was a total lightweight, or Croatia’s wines were strong, because I was definitely feeling it by the time we paid our tab and left.

“We should go down to the water!” I suggested with a giggle, Taron putting his arm around my shoulders to keep me steady as I had been weaving a bit on the sidewalk.

“We can do that,” Taron replied with an amused grin. We went down to the pebble beach access from the hotel’s lift, greeted by the gentle sound of waves lapping at the shore. The beach was already cast in shadows at that point but it helped ease the heat of the day and we walked along the shoreline in contented peace, passing a few other couples but no one bothering us at all.  _ We truly are just like any other couple _ , I thought, giggling to myself. 

“This feels so perfect,” I said sweetly, leaning my head against Taron’s shoulder as we stood gazing out at the waves. “I can’t believe you brought me here, that I’m with you, that this feels so much better than I knew it could be to be with someone.”

“You ought to start believing it, Jess,” he said, tipping my chin up to look him in the eyes, before caressing my cheeks gently. “I find it hard to believe that no one ever tried to do these things for you. I just don’t find it difficult to treat a woman the way she deserves to be treated.”

“I think it’s hard to know what you deserve when you’ve been treated like an unwanted accident your entire life,” I replied, maybe more harshly than I had meant, but Taron didn’t seem phased by my tone. If anything, he looked heartbroken for me. “And when you grow up not knowing what you deserve, not knowing that love should be something inherent and not earned, you end up with wildly bad taste in men,” I rambled on.

“Well I’m here to show you what you deserve, Jess,” Taron said slowly. “All of this,” he replied, sweeping his arm outward, “and so much more. You deserve someone who truly sees you, who doesn’t judge you for your struggles, who knows how precious you are.” I teared up slightly at that, unable to control it because it was probably the nicest thing anyone had ever said to me. He brushed the tears off my cheeks and hugged me to him tightly; I felt at once safe and comforted in his arms. “You need to heal, from everything you’ve been through that has torn you down. I promise to help in any way I can.”

“Thank you, Taron,” I sniffled slightly, trying not to full-on cry.

“You don’t need to thank me for doing what someone else should have done a long time ago. Knowing what I know now, I’m incredibly lucky that you let me in at all,” he said gently, pulling back to gaze at me again, brushing my wind-blown hair out of my face. I noticed that his eyes were a bit red and watery too. “You deserve to be loved for every fibre of your being, Jess. I intend to do that if you let me.”

I was left a bit speechless, unsure what to say, or how to say it, and I even had to look away from the intensity of his gaze, feeling stripped down to my soul by those pale green eyes of his. “I would give every last dime in the world if I could be with you. None of this means anything to me without you now, Jess,” he spoke, with a raw honesty that still shook me. They weren’t just pretty words you’d find in a romance novel; they were real and overwhelming and deeply felt coming from Taron.

He seemed to understand that I needed some time to mull over these words of his, and we stood there quietly by the sea as I did my best to comprehend how he felt about me and what it all meant moving forward. I think the hardest part for me was that we hadn’t been together all that long; I didn’t feel that I had earned this kind of devotion on his part. But I also knew he wasn’t telling me half-truths or spinning fictions, that there was nothing about Taron that wasn’t genuine. Even more so, we had yet to be really intimate and I was a bit perplexed that someone could want me for more than just the pleasures of the flesh. He had gotten to know more of me than any man had taken the time to do and I wasn’t sure how to handle it.

We eventually returned to our room when we both got too cold, and completely knackered from the flights and emotions we ended up just getting ready for bed, taking turns in the bathroom and then crawling into our separate beds. I’m not going to lie, it felt a bit odd to be more “roommates” than lovers in our sleeping arrangements, but to push things wouldn’t be wise for me. The last thing Taron needed was me freaking out unnecessarily because I hadn’t been that close to anyone since Kevin. Even thinking his name made my skin crawl, but then Taron cut into my thoughts with his adorable “sweet dreams, love,” before turning out his bedside light.

I laid awake for a bit, tossing and turning despite my exhaustion, long after I had heard Taron’s breathing slow and settle into sleep. I realized that even this much, being in the same room as him, my eyes tracing his sleeping form in the dark, was a new step for me.  _ A step in the right direction _ , I reminded myself. I eventually let myself drift off to sleep, hoping for a fun day tomorrow.

****

The sun crawling slowly across the floor through the shades woke me in the morning. I squinted over at the clock and realized it was already 11 a.m. and Taron was still sound asleep. I couldn’t help but think he looked completely adorable in that vulnerable state, appreciating the sweetness of his sleeping expression. Sometimes the truest self could be viewed when someone was off in dreamland, escaping the pretense and performance of waking life. I left him to snooze a little longer as I shut myself in the bathroom, taking a good half-hour to shower and let the steam and luxurious soaps the hotel provided wake me up. I had to admit that I was feeling a lot more refreshed as I combed through my wet hair. A simple knock on the bathroom door startled me and I had to laugh at myself. 

“Good morning, sunshine,” I grinned as I pulled the door open, my eyes taking in Taron’s bedhead and sleepy grin.

“Morning love,” he smirked, stealing a kiss from me and apologizing for his morning breath. I hadn’t even noticed. “Ready for more adventures today?” he asked cutely, and I nodded happily at that.

“Of course! But breakfast first,” I grinned, making him just chuckle. 

“You know it,” he said with a wink. We got ourselves ready for the day, which didn’t require much. We both donned shorts and t-shirts and walking shoes, and I was excited for our plans to walk the city walls and see Dubrovnik from that high up. We enjoyed a quick bite at the hotel’s rather exquisite breakfast buffet before heading out, hand-in-hand, the sun already quite warm.

We ambled our way into town and eventually made our way to an access point for the city walls. After a little debate, we decided to join one of the guided tours, blending in quite well with a group of other tourists. We listened in on the history of the place, appreciating the views of the seas, the hidden narrow streets and groaning inwardly every time we had more stairs to climb. All in all, it was an enjoyable couple of hours, if a bit sweaty, and Taron seemed glad to get the chance to do it, as he’d had no time before when he was filming. We ended up just grabbing some cheeses, grissini and olives from a market stall to take back with us to our room, sitting on our balcony and snacking after having such a late breakfast, letting our poor legs rest.

With it being such a sunny and hot day, we decided the next best course of action would be to enjoy the beach fully before we got hungry for dinner. While Taron was changing into his swim trunks, I deliberated over which swimsuit I should wear, finally deciding to just go with the bright teal and aqua bikini. Of course I was nervous about my body in it as I took my turn and changed, but I also just wanted to enjoy the beach and the sun on my skin and who else was here to judge me? Certainly not Taron, judging by the look on his face when I emerged from the bathroom. Of course he’d already seen me in a swimsuit, but this one didn’t provide as much coverage, and even showed a little bit of my scar.

“You look amazing,” Taron managed, after picking his jaw up off the floor. Figuratively, of course.

“I could say the same about you,” I grinned, scoping out his bare biceps in the tanktop he had on over his swimmers. “But are we going to stand here staring at each other until the sun goes down or get out there?” I teased.

“You’ve got a point,” he just grinned, slinging our beach bag with our towels and sunscreen and room key over his shoulder. I had pulled on a loose muslin overshirt and we flip-flopped our way down to the beachfront, paying for the chair rentals since the beach was a bit rocky. We set our stuff out and when Taron pulled his tank off I stared, unashamedly so.  _ This is my boyfriend _ , I reminded myself happily. He handed me the sunscreen bottle and turned around expectantly.  _ Yes please _ , I thought to myself, spreading the lotion over his back carefully, making sure to cover every bit so he wouldn’t get burned, never getting over the feeling of my fingers gliding over his skin. He did the same for me and once we were lotioned up, we laid out on the chairs, letting the sun bake us.

When we both got too hot, we ran out into the water together, Taron splashing me while I shrieked and tried to get away. I eventually ended up dunking him in the water, making him laugh and sputter when he came back up for air. “You’ll pay for that!” he smirked, pulling me to him and kissing me hungrily as we bobbed in the water together up to our necks. I could feel his hands skimming over the skin of my waist under the water, and I shivered slightly. I returned those kisses in kind, even wrapping my legs around him so I wouldn’t drift away, the action making him groan slightly against my mouth. But we were in public, and even if no one was paying us any mind, the last thing we needed to do was give them a show, so we eventually broke apart, breathless and happy.

We eventually made it back to our lounge chairs, lazing about in the sun and perfectly content. I could not have possibly asked for a better vacation, and the truth was that I hadn’t even asked for this at all. The specialness of this gift was not lost on me, and Taron didn’t expect anything from me either. I was still thinking over his words from the night before, wondering just how deeply I could return the feelings. Of course I had fallen for him; I’m pretty sure I felt like I had long before I’d met him in the Tesco. But that was fan adoration, based on an image he projected in his interviews and video bits. And while it was pretty close to the person he actually was away from the cameras, I found him to be even more humble, low-key and genuinely caring in person. But love, well, that was a tricky thing. I thought I had loved someone once, and that man had broken me. Trusting someone enough to love again felt like standing at the edge of a crevasse, needing to make the jump to the other side but all I could do was stare down.

I hadn’t realized I was frowning in thought until Taron leaned over and placed his hand on mine. “Everything alright?” he asked, and I hurriedly rearranged my expression.

“Of course. Just thinking, probably about work,” I lied, and felt bad for that lie.  _ But how to tell him how scared I was? _ I just felt at a loss.

“None of that here,” he chuckled, but the smile didn’t quite reach his eyes as he watched me carefully. Feeling exposed, I finally suggested we go get dinner. The sun was heading toward the horizon anyway, and Taron didn’t argue. We changed and showered quickly, once again taking turns, and I donned a pretty dress and a light cardigan over it. Taron had chosen a rather fancy place for dinner, where we could sit outside and watch the stars twinkle into existence over our nightcaps. Our conversation flowed easily and I couldn’t help but be a bit mesmerized by the shadows drawn over his face by the flickering candlelight as the day sunk into early night.

We retired for the evening, getting ready for bed and cuddling on the couch as the telly droned on. Taron had drifted off and I had to shake him awake long enough to convince him to move to his bed, before crawling into my own and pulling the covers up around me, feeling a peculiar sense of loneliness seep through me that I couldn’t understand. I slid headlong into sleep, but my dreams were troubled and I guess I must have screamed out loud at some point because Taron woke me up out of the nightmare.

It took me a long, disorienting minute to remember where I even was, and I turned and hid my face against Taron as I sobbed slightly, images of Kevin still burned in my mind.

“It’s okay, you’re safe with me,” Taron soothed, repeating it over and over and patting my hair and running his hands gently over my arms, holding me and rocking me gently and giving me the space I needed to calm down. I was still shaking after I’d cried myself out, and he seemed reluctant to let me go. “Do you need to talk about it?” he asked quietly.

“I’m not sure that will help me any,” I said, my lips trembling.

“Please tell me what I can do to help,” he pleaded with me in the dark.

“Just stay,” I whispered, desperately not wanting to be alone.

“I’m not going anywhere,” he replied, his strong arms enveloping me as he placed a couple of kisses protectively on my forehead. Once I’d calmed down enough to sleep again, he rearranged our positions so he could cuddle me better and we could both sleep, and I felt much better now that we were both in the same bed, but hardly able to hold the significance of that in my mind. All I knew was that Taron made me feel safe from my demons, even if they only existed in my head. Exhausted and emotionally spent, I finally dropped off to sleep, my face buried in his comforting chest, lulled by the sound of his beating heart.

****

The next few days of vacation flew by, as they were wont to do. We explored more of the city, ate plenty more delicious food, and spent hours lounging by the pool or the sea. We’d taken in the views from the top of Srd, biked around Mljet National Park and escaped the midday heat in Dubrovnik’s museums. My favorite thing we did by far had been drinking cocktails and watching the sun set over the water at the ever-popular Buza Bar.

We also spent a lot of time in each other’s arms, kissing and touching and exploring each other’s bodies, but still I hesitated to give myself completely over to him, and he never asked for more than I was willing to give. 

On our second to last evening, I was talking to Taron about something, I don’t even remember what now, but I was clearly distracted as I was trying to pull a sweater out of my suitcase. A chill had crept into the air and we were going to take a moonlit walk on the beach together. My sweater had snagged on something and I yanked it rather hard, hoping that would free it, and out toppled the expensive lingerie Jules had bought for me - and that I had completely forgotten about. The lacy fabric pooled at my feet on the floor as Taron’s eyes went wide.

“What’s this, love?” he smirked, picking up the sheer teddy and holding it out for me.

“Oh god,” I said, my face flushing a deep red as I snatched it out of his hands. “N-nothing,” I stammered.

“Forget about the sweater. I want to see you in this,” he said, his eyes growing a bit dark and my heart nearly racing out of my chest.  _ Damn it all to hell, Jules _ , I thought. “Please, love?” Taron asked, taking my hands in his and kissing my knuckles, staring up at me through his lashes. That look always undid my resolve a little, and he knew it too.

“Oh what the hell,” I huffed, grabbing the teddy and its matching panties and stalking off to the bathroom, not sure what I was even doing other than getting it over with.  _ I had kept him wanting long enough, hadn’t I? _ I thought as I dropped my clothes to the floor and let the slinky material slide over my skin. Once I was fully dressed in it, I dared to peek at myself in the mirror; the lingerie left very little to the imagination. I’d already been shirtless in front of him, but this felt like something more. Still, the way the lace ended just under my butt cheeks seemed to accentuate their curves, and the built-in cups gave me cleavage I didn’t usually have. I let my hair out of its elastic confinement and let my waves fall down to my shoulders and took a deep breath, resolving my courage.

I opened the door and Taron’s back was to me as he stared out the glass balcony doors, but he turned around when I took a few steps into the room and audibly gasped. The way the moonlight slanted across his face sent shivers running down my spine as we stared across the space of the room at each other. Then, Taron was crossing the floor and pulling me into his arms, kissing me in a way he hadn’t before, heated and needy. And I did my best to open myself to that mutual want as his kisses traveled along my jawline, down my neck, across my shoulder blades.

Of course I wanted him; I didn’t live in a bubble separate from my own desires. I just needed to push beyond my fears. Almost as if reading my mind, Taron spoke up. “Please tell me to stop if you need me to. I respect you, I don’t want to push you anywhere you don’t want to be. But I need you,” he fairly whispered, his voice cracking a bit on that last sentence, and something about the way he said it broke through whatever was holding me back. 

Because it was more than just lust that drove us to the bed, although there was plenty of that as I hurriedly pulled his shirt off and unbuckled his belt, tossing both aside. There was a deeper sense of intimacy blossoming between us as we pushed his pants off him and he settled his weight over me, pressing me down into the bed, his fingers and lips trailing over my heated skin.

“This okay?” he murmured, his lips brushing over my stomach as I felt my core begin to throb in need. I hadn’t felt this turned on in so long, it almost truly made me want to cry. I was being awakened to feelings I long thought were dead, things I thought no one could ever make me feel again.

“Better than okay,” I moaned softly, remembering to breathe again as Taron rooted in the bedside drawer for a condom he must have stashed there in hopes. “I need you too,” I gasped softly as he hooked his fingers in the sides of my panties and slid them down my legs, exposing all of me to him.

“You’re absolutely beautiful,” he breathed, unable to tear his eyes aware from me, leaning over and capturing my lips with his kisses again even as he worked his own boxers off. I heard the crackle of the condom wrapper and then he was there, between my legs, his erection pressing tantalizingly against my inner thigh as he nipped at my lower lip slightly.

“Ready for me?” he asked as I got sort of lost in the depth of his lustful gaze. I nodded, letting him nudge my legs open just a little bit more with his knees as he lined his hips up with mine. I closed my eyes and ran my hands through his hair, trying to ground myself as I felt him slowly, gently enter me. The groan that rumbled through his body did more to erase my worries than anything else to that point. Seeing his careful reserve unravel at the feeling as he joined our bodies together unhinged me from my fears. I didn’t feel used, or dirty, or discarded; this was raw and real and powerful, and I was very much a part of what was happening here. This was what sex was meant to be all along.

He gazed at me so adoringly it made my heart ache with the weight of it. He let out his breath, tickling my face and making me giggle slightly as he waited for me to adjust to him; it had, admittedly, been years.

“Okay,” I whispered softly when I couldn’t take his stillness any longer. He obliged by drawing out and pushing his way back in agonizingly slowly, amplifying the pleasure that shot straight through me. I cried out, shocking myself even, the sparks running through me as he picked up his pace, our groans mingling together in the otherwise quiet of the room. I’m pretty sure I left red marks in his skin where I dug my fingertips into his shoulders, gripping him tightly as I lifted my own hips to meet his, finding a rhythm with him that had us both spiraling fast toward a climax.

“Oh fuck,” I moaned out, coming around him hard, my orgasm slamming into me and taking my breath away completely. I’m pretty sure I left the earth for a few minutes, because when I came aware again Taron was already collapsed on top of me, panting and sweaty and spent. It struck me suddenly that I had never actually orgasmed before, and I realized all my years of feeling ashamed over that fact were for nothing. I’d gotten close a couple of times with other boyfriends, or my own hand, but never tipped the edge and only been left with frustration. I’d simply never found someone invested in my own pleasure the way Taron was.

“Good for you?” he asked against my skin, leaving tiny kisses on my chest as we both tried to calm down again.

“You’ve just changed everything, Taron,” I replied softly.

“Yeah?” he said, with a boyishly handsome grin. I trailed my fingers through the sweaty hair on his chest, amazed to be with him this way.

“I can’t put it into words exactly, but I know and feel things now that I couldn’t have understood before,” I tried to explain. “You’re right, I do need to heal, and being with you like this has already helped me overcome so much I was frightened of or ashamed of before. I’ve been afraid of moving forward, afraid of taking risks, afraid of falling for someone again. But here I am, falling for you,” I rambled a bit, feeling emboldened to actually be vulnerable in front of him for once.

“I’m so grateful for that, you know,” he said, brushing my hair out of my face gently. “I know how hard it is to trust again after it’s been dashed. But I won’t ever let you hit the ground. I want you to fall so hard it’s endless, because I’ll always be here for you when you need me.” He kissed my forehead, my nose, my cheeks, even brushing his lips over my eyelids when I closed them, before finally kissing me fully on the lips, making me tremble with the full intimacy of the moment. I couldn’t possibly have known in the Tesco, or in the karaoke bar, or at our table read, that all of these moments would have built to this. But somehow it had, and I was blown away by how much Taron had come to mean to me. He supported me, cared about me, protected me and maybe even could love me.

“Stay right here, I’ll be back,” he said, making me whimper when he finally pulled out of me. He discarded the condom and went to grab a washcloth and cleaned us both up, something no one else had ever taken the time to do. We really hadn’t messed the sheets up so we didn’t have to change those, but I had to pee really badly so I finally excused myself to the bathroom to do that, making Taron chuckle slightly. I also brushed my teeth quickly and swallowed my birth control pill; I was on the pill because my periods sucked but now I had extra reason to not forget it. I returned to the room, pulling on more comfortable pajamas and noticing Taron had put his boxers back on as he was lounging on the bed, just waiting for me to come back to him, and I was happy to do so.

We laid down face-to-face on the pillows, our foreheads touching and just sweetly gazing at each other, not needing words any longer. My body felt completely sated, my mind finally at peace. When I drifted off to sleep I couldn’t have been happier, knowing I was truly, deeply cared for.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don’t want to give away too much so you’ll just have to read it for yourself. Some sweet bits, some sexy bits and possibly a cliffhanger! So good luck, and enjoy! x

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Cursing, smut, and some mentions of violence [trigger warning]

First Contact - Part 9

_“Morning, love.”_

Those two simple words held so much promise in them as I cracked my eyes open to see Taron’s sweet face smiling back at me. I yawned slightly and stretched out, checking in with my own body and realizing I wasn’t really all that sore from last night’s escapade. But oh, I still felt deliriously happy and deliciously satiated.

“S’good morning,” I mumbled back sleepily, getting an amused chuckle from Taron. I had proven very quickly during this vacation that I wasn’t a morning person. To be fair, neither was Taron.

“We should maybe get up and go enjoy our last day here, love,” he said cutely, nuzzling his face against my neck and kissing my skin there, his hand tracing a slow line over the strip of skin exposed at my waist, as my sleep shirt had ridden up a bit. _Good God, this man was going to be the death of me,_ I thought, his touch igniting something deep inside.

“I think I’d be okay if you just wanted to stay in bed all day,” I laughed, a bit breathlessly.

“Much as I agree with that,” he said, finally rolling over and getting off the bed, “I really think we should try and see something else,” he smirked. I pouted slightly at him and he just laughed as he wandered off to the bathroom, and I couldn’t help but admire his bare torso. I eventually crawled out of bed and pulled on some clothes, grabbing my phone and flipping through my notifications, smiling over all the sweet comments that had been pouring in over the few pictures Taron and I had chosen to share on our social media profiles. It hadn’t been a secret exactly, but I think we were finally “out” as a couple to the world now. This trip had made it stunningly clear that Taron wanted me in his life.

“What’re you smiling on about?” he grinned as he returned, catching me probably looking a bit dreamy over that fact.

“Us,” I grinned. “Everyone’s been so kind about me.”

“Why would they not? You make me incredibly happy, and you’re stunningly gorgeous,” he said, leaning over and stealing a kiss before going to grab clothes himself.

“Well, Mr. Egerton, I did happen to take you off the market,” I smirked over at him, and he just snorted at that.

“What am I, a beef steak?” he laughed, shaking his head.

“A very handsome beef steak, yep!” I said brightly, unable to keep a straight face as we both lost our shit over that. I actually had to wipe tears out of my eyes at that one; maybe it wasn’t so funny to anyone else, but we were losing it.

“So anyway, what’s the game plan for today? Other than once again sweeping me off my feet?” I grinned.

“We should get breakfast, first of all,” he said.

“Right, always a foodie,” I giggled lightly.

“Then I think we should spend some of our day on Lokrum,” he grinned. “I’ve heard lovely things about the Botanical Garden there. We can just take our time together. I don’t want this day to go too fast.”

“Me either,” I agreed softly at that.

We grabbed a bite from the hotel’s breakfast and while we ate I decided to catch back up with Jules and Mary. We’d texted a few times briefly of course, but I had wanted to spend most of my time actually enjoying my trip and Taron. Still, I figured they probably deserved an update now.

<So loves, my last full day in Dubrovnik. I’m kinda sad to be seeing it end, it’s been the best trip of my life!> I sent in a group text.

< _Julesy:_ Oh my god, about time you let us know you were still alive! We were beginning to worry!>

< _Mareee!_ : Don’t mind her, we knew you were having fun as you should be!>

<It’s been amazing. The food, and the beaches here, and just, everything is so lush and historic and even the pace is slower so you can relax and it’s quite nice. But you’ve seen my pictures on IG! Come on now!>

< _Mareee!:_ It looks SO nice, and you and Taron are very cute together. I’m glad you decided to post some pics of you together!>

<Yeah, we had to discuss it a bit, but … We decided it was time.>

< _Julesy:_ Now the one thing Mary and I should know, though, is this: Are you returning as an Egerton virgin or no?>

<Oh. My. Freaking. God. ….. NOPE!> I couldn’t help giggling like an idiot over what I had sent and Taron raised an eyebrow at me, but I just shook my head. “Texting the girls, you know,” I smirked, and he only went _ahhhh_ as if he understood. My friends’ responses chimed in quick succession.

< _Jules:_ That’s my girl!>

< _Mareee!:_ What was it like, you have to tell us!!>

<Oh my gosh it was everything. It was truly everything. But I can’t say more right now, I’m sitting across from T at this moment and my face is probably beet red!>

< _Mareee!_ : Ohhhh, well we’re very very happy for you!>

< _Julesy:_ Yep, now we don’t have to worry about you so much.>

<Thanks, I think? I luv ya, I luv ya both. But must dash. Talk more later, we’re going to the island!>

I stashed my phone away and quickly finished my food before we were off to catch the ferry over to Lokrum. I was excited to just have a quiet easy day with Taron. The Botanical Gardens were every bit as gorgeous as they had been made to seem; we walked hand-in-hand under the cypress and olive and palm trees and took far too many pictures of the peacocks that roamed freely. It was surprisingly not busy, which was nice. There were honestly times we could have felt it was our own private island.

We happened upon a super pretty spot and chose to take a selfie together with the stunning background behind us. We managed _(after some retakes. Taron needs some selfie lessons…)_ to take a really nice one where we both actually looked pretty _(thank goodness)_ but then Taron decided to kiss me on the cheek and I had my eyes scrunched closed and that’s the photo he chose to post on Instagram with “This woman has my heart” as the caption.

“Oh gosh, T, this is a bit full on, isn’t?” I asked, turning to him after checking the post myself since he’d tagged me.

“Just the truth,” he said nonchalantly, like he didn’t realize how difficult this all was to process that he really felt that way about me.

“It’s not too soon and sudden to claim that? We’ve only known each other what, three months or something? A handful of encounters and a couple dates and then spending a month apart?” I asked, a bit skeptical.

“To claim what? That I love you? Because I do. That’s not a difficult thing to do, Jess,” he said sweetly, reaching over to caress my face gently. “Feelings don’t have to exist on a timeline. And maybe I’m quick to arrive at mine but I know what I have in front of me.”

I’m pretty sure my brain flatlined at that moment. The L-word, he’d actually said it, and I had no idea what I was supposed to say back. He was watching me expectantly, I think, but when I didn’t - couldn’t - figure out how to respond he sighed slightly. “It’s okay, I know what you’ve been through. You don’t have to say anything back. I just needed you to know how I felt,” he said, tugging on my hand to keep us walking. 

I tried to ignore the mixture of disappointment and understanding on his face, but it dug at me as we walked in silence. _Why was it so hard to just blurt it out myself?_ I thought. I wasn’t afraid of Taron, no. But moving into something closer, and more intimate, more vulnerable, I didn’t feel remotely ready for. There was a deeper responsibility for and reliance on emotion that I wasn’t sure I could handle giving to Taron just yet.

We ate at the little cafe on the island and found one of the beaches to sit at under some shade from the trees. I had nestled between Taron’s legs, leaning back against him and it was rather comfortable as he had his arms wrapped around me sweetly. We were just watching the waves break over the shoreline, whiling away the time and trying to ignore the fact that this trip would soon be over.

“This has just been … the best day I’ve ever had,” I sighed softly. “It’s felt rather magical to be away from everything else and to just be us here.”

“I would agree. I’ve loved every minute of this, but I think I’m quite ready to get back to the hotel and relax out of this hot sun for a bit.”

“Sounds like a plan,” I said, as we both scrambled to our feet, wiping sand off as much as possible. We took the ferry back across and another taxi to our hotel, and I realized this was truly my last evening here. It made me a little sad, the feeling that the reality of going back to work and London and normal life was going to change how things felt between us. I knew it was an irrational fear, but it was bothering me.

I’m not sure what Taron was up to at the moment but I decided to make sure some of my clothes that had gotten scattered about the room were packed back in my suitcase. I smoothed my fingers over the lacy lingerie and couldn’t help but smile as I remembered last night.

“Hey, T!” I called out.

“Mmm, yeah?” his voice asked from the bathroom. The door was open so I wandered in, leaning against the door frame. He was leaning over the jacuzzi tub we hadn’t even used and I couldn’t tell what he was doing.

“Are you hungry yet?” I asked him, folding my arms.

“Yeah, but not for food,” he smirked lightly, gesturing to the tub and raising his eyebrow at me with a question in his eyes.

I pointed at myself, and then Taron, and then the tub, and he just smirked at me and nodded.

“Come here, babe,” he said gruffly, holding his hand out to me. I smiled almost shyly at that and stepped over to him, letting him pull me into him. He kissed me slow and sensually at first, probably aware that I needed a little time to get worked up, but just being near him and the thought that he wanted more of me was doing a pretty good job of it. His fingers found their way under my shirt, grazing over my skin and making me moan softly against his lips. He broke our kiss only to continue trailing kisses along my jawline and then down to my neck, nipping the spot that made me moan the most with his teeth, before then stepping away from me completely to turn the water on, adjusting the temperature until he was satisfied with it and leaving me just panting for more.

Knowing he was up for trying different things was an exciting prospect. I pulled my own shirt off and dropped it to the ground, and when he turned back around I knew right where his gaze landed. “All for me?” he asked, not needing an answer as I took his hands and placed them over my breasts. And damn did he make quick work of me that way after peeling off my bra and tossing it god knows where. The way his touch could send shivers down my spine would never cease to amaze me. 

As the water ran we quickly rid ourselves of the rest of our clothes and we took a moment just to take each other in; standing around naked in front of people wasn’t exactly something I was comfortable doing, but under Taron’s gaze it didn’t seem to matter. There was no shame with him because he worshipped my body, scars and rolls and lumps and all. I hadn’t had a chance to really truly see him yet, either, and I tried to memorize every inch of his body and the way it took my breath away.

“You’re fucking beautiful, you know that?” he said softly, making me bite my lip shyly, my hair falling slightly across my face. “I wish you saw yourself through my eyes.”

“I could say the same to you,” I replied gently as he stepped closer to me and brushed my hair out of my face so carefully, so intimately, it made me want to cry. But then he kissed me, and I forgot about wanting to cry, and slowly Taron walked me backward to the tub. He slipped under the water easily enough, sighing contentedly as the warm water eased his muscles, but I perched on the edge for a moment, unsure.

“Coming in, love?” he asked, giving me half a smirk, nothing but hunger in his eyes.

“We can’t really use a condom in the water, not safely at least,” I said, squeezing my eyes shut for a second.

“You’re on the pill, no?” he asked, sitting up and placing a hand on my knee.

“Of course, but that’s not like, 100 percent, you know,” I stammered slightly.

“Hey, Jess, look at me,” he said seriously, so I cracked my eyes open. “Whatever the outcome, we’ll handle it together, okay? I’m sure we’ll be completely fine, it’s not like I’ve got tons of children running about, at least that I know of. But if you can’t trust the pill, I want you to at least trust me. Can you do that?” he asked, pleading with me. I took a shaky breath and nodded before letting myself slip into the water as well. He was right, the jets and the warmth of the water felt good after having walked around a lot of the day.

“I still want you,” I whispered. “I’m just stupidly anxious about it. Make me forget that,” I said, crawling over his lap and facing him.

“I can do that,” he growled slightly, running his fingers along my waist under the water. He pulled my face to his again, kissing me hungrily now, his need for me apparent. I let myself get lost to what he was doing to me; I didn’t understand how he seemed to already know so much about my body and what it was capable of feeling, but I couldn’t hold onto those thoughts. They scattered in the heat of the moment as I settled myself over him, joining our bodies, a groan rumbling through his chest that set me on edge immediately. I’d never had sex with someone bare and to know that, and to feel that, we were that much closer to each other set every nerve-ending in my body on fire. I was consumed by the lust I felt for this man, feeling a depth of pleasure I had never known could be mine.

We found a rhythm that worked for us, the water sloshing over the sides a bit as we drove each other higher and higher. I felt his fingers slip between my legs, helping me along and soon I was crashing around him, my orgasm rippling through me just before I could feel him spilling into me. I felt completely taken; I was his, and I didn’t know how I could belong to anyone else.

I didn’t even realize I was crying until Taron was trying to wipe the tears away, but his hands were wet too so it wasn’t helping that much. “Shhh, it’s okay, I promise,” he spoke, seeming to understand my emotions more than I did as he just held me to him, my chest pressed against his, our bodies still connected, the jets gently pummeling our skin. I laid my head against his shoulder, hiding my face against his neck as his fingers slowly danced across my back, soothing me a bit. I wanted to be ashamed but couldn’t be; Taron seemed used to sharing this level of intimacy but he also seemed to understand that I just wasn’t.

“I’m so sorry, I promise I won’t always be a mess like this,” I said once I had managed to calm down.

“I’m not the one to apologize to, love,” he said gently. “It’s okay to feel things and to feel them deeply. I think I can handle that, yeah?” he grinned. “I rather enjoy making you feel this much.”

“You’re such a saint, T,” I laughed. “Anyone would be lucky to have you.”

“Well then I suppose you should consider yourself very, very lucky indeed,” he sighed happily. “But you have no idea what you do for me too.”

“I feel like I haven’t done anything. It’s always been you doing things for me,” I said softly.

“I don’t want to hear you say such things about yourself. You’re amazing, and you make me happy, and that’s always enough for me. I don’t need things, I don’t need someone to take care of me. I just want someone who’s face lights up when they see me, who genuinely enjoys talking to me, who makes me laugh at every turn, who wants to go on adventures with me, and who is willing despite her hardships to trust me. And that’s you,” he replied.

“You are too good to me,” I sighed, his words striking something deep and vulnerable in my heart and reverberating there.

“I hardly think I’m even remotely good enough for you, but you seem to want to be with me,” he replied, making my eyes bulge a little. _Taron, not good enough?_ He had to be kidding. “I just don’t think you’ve ever been treated well or how you deserve to be. I know I can’t fix that, but I’m going to try and make a difference, if you’ll let me.”

“Anything for you, Taron,” I smiled at him. “Now should we get out of this water before we get all pruney?” I grinned, stealing a sweet kiss that made my chest ache. I could probably kiss him all day and still never get enough.

“Dinner sounds like a perfect way to end this day, now that you’ve helped me work up my appetite,” he smirked at me lightly.

“You’re so naughty,” I laughed, finally managing to disentangle myself from him and wrapping a fluffy towel around myself after climbing out of the tub. We quickly got ourselves ready for dinner, choosing to have our last meal at the conventionally named but absolutely romantic Dubrovnik Restaurant. The rooftop eatery was open air during good weather, and so I’d donned a warm cardigan over my dress, and Taron had pulled on a blazer over his button-down and jeans. We got seated in the white plush chairs and the entire place was softly lit with candles and lamps turned low. I truly enjoyed the atmosphere of it, and the food, oh the food. It was the best I’d had there in Dubrovnik, and I wished I could just keep eating it for forever; almost as much as I wished I could just stay in this paradise with Taron forever.

But you can only appreciate the very best things in life by them coming to an end, and so we returned to London the next day, ready to figure out how to continue blending our normal everyday lives together. My flatmates were of course absolutely thrilled to have me back, peppering me with so many questions it made my head spin. I did my best to give them just enough answers to keep their curiosity at bay, while keeping some of the more private things with Taron just to myself.

I threw myself head-first back into work over the next few weeks, feeling like I needed to make up for the past month where my productivity had been seriously lacking. Taron and I found a way to balance out seeing each other, going on some fun dates, some super romantic ones, and oh yeah, having lots of sex. I was now officially addicted to him, and it really was all his fault in the best possible sense of the word. I’d gained some kind of confidence in what we had and was doing my best to work through my lingering issues. I still hadn’t told him I loved him, but every day he seemed to chip away more and more at the barriers I’d built around it. Bless his soul, he was eternally patient, I’d give him that. So my initial fears about reality taking anything away from us were unfounded; our relationship somehow just kept getting better. And I finally felt like I was really home in London; I had an amazing job I actually liked, lovely flatmates and friends I enjoyed spending time with, and the sweetest boyfriend a girl could luck into having.

So I was feeling pretty damn great about my life one balmy, late-summer day as I was striding toward my office, coffee cup in hand and laptop bag over my shoulder. I managed to accidentally brush past a guy who had just stepped out of a coffee shop, and I turned to apologize but before the words could escape my mouth I froze.

His build was thinner, his jawline sharper, and his face somehow more handsome than I remembered, but I’d recognize that tousled brown hair and those deep-set brown eyes anywhere.

 _Kevin._ My mind went absolutely blank as I clutched my laptop bag and purse to me.

I nearly thought I was having a stroke at first, that he was just a figment of my imagination. But there he was, somehow, incomprehensibly, standing on the sidewalk in London before me.

“Jessica! It’s really you!” he said brightly. “Imagine my good fortune. I thought I’d have to spend more time trying to track you down and here you run right into me.” His voice sent chills down my spine and sent my stomach plummeting to my feet.

“How the hell are you here?” I asked, rooted to the spot. Other people were walking past us but I felt like I was suddenly in an alternate universe. “And why?”

“Relax, Jess. Things have changed. I’ve changed. I wanted to apologize to you,” he said, gesturing for me to move out of the way as a group of school kids giggled their way past. We ended up stepping closer to an alley between the coffee shop and another brick building beside it, and I was already looking for a way to leave.

“There’s nothing you can say to me to apologize,” I said coldly. “You don’t deserve any of my time,” I practically hissed.

“I know. I’m not asking for forgiveness. I just needed to see you again. To make sure you were okay,” he said, taking a step closer to me as I took a step back.

“I am just fine, no thanks to you,” I said with narrowed eyes. “You can’t just sweep back into my life thinking that things will just go back to how they used to be. I’m not your toy to play with and toss away and abuse any more, Kevin,” I said, taking several more steps away from him, until my back hit the brick wall of the building behind me.

I should have ran then. I should have turned around and started walking and never looked back. There would always be too many should haves in my life with Kevin.

Within seconds he had crossed the space between us and I flinched when he reached out to me, but his touch was gentle as he took my chin in his hand. “I never meant to hurt you, and I’ll forever hate myself for it. I had a long time to think about what I did, what happened between us. Please, just give me a chance again, to prove that I’m different now.”

“I can’t,” I whispered, trembling slightly at his touch. “I’m already with someone else.”

_I have very little recollection of what happened next._

I don’t know if it was the rejection that set him off, but his grip on my face instantly tightened like a vice before he slammed the left side of my face so hard into the brick I heard a loud crack and felt the impact on the right side of my head. My vision went blurry and I dropped like a stone to the ground. He kicked me in the side then too, and I instantly curled up and away from him, trying to protect myself from the assault. _This couldn’t be happening again. I’m going to wake up soon, and it will all be a nightmare. Taron will wrap his arms around me, and tell me it’s not real. Please god, let it not be true._

I don’t know if I screamed, or if the young couple that came to my aid were just walking past at the moment, but suddenly Kevin was tackled to the ground by the man, and the woman was instantly on her phone calling police. She knelt next to me as I tried to sit up, but the pain in my side, and my head, was too much. I could feel something warm and wet trickling down my face and into my eye, and I gasped as it stung. Still, I struggled to reach over to my purse, fumbling with it to try and get to my phone. The woman, who had the kindest eyes, seemed to understand and pulled it out and handed it to me.

I tried to focus on the keypad numbers to unlock my phone, but they wouldn’t stay in the same place and I kept hitting the wrong ones. Finally, frustrated, I shoved it back into her hands and told her my passcode. “Call Taron, please. My boyfriend, you need to call him and tell him where they’re taking me,” I said, fighting desperately hard against the darkness that was threatening to pull me under.

The sirens came, ear-splittingly loud, and it was enough for me to not throw up as the nausea of pain swept through my body. Kevin must have been handcuffed and arrested; but I couldn’t see enough of what was going on around me to know it. When the medics lifted my battered body onto the stretcher and began immobilizing me, I cried out in pain as my side where he’d kicked me lit up in renewed pain, leaving me short of breath.

I was beginning to fade in and out as they pushed me into the back of the ambulance and settled an oxygen mask over my face. I could only hope the woman had been able to reach Taron; he would be absolutely worried sick if he didn’t hear from me. 

_How did he find me?_ I thought again, bright white spots exploding before my vision as the doors were slammed shut and we were hurtling through the streets of London. The medics were saying words I couldn’t understand; if they were talking to me, I wouldn’t have known it. They poked and prodded; a needle pushed in my arm, gauze pressed against my face. This thought was even more painful to bear than the broken parts of my body.

 _I knew it had all been too good to be true._ This thought was even more painful to bear than the broken parts of my body.

And then everything went **black.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise this isn’t the end. Part 10 - Coming Soon.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of Kevin’s attack takes Jess to some dark places. Will Taron’s eternal devotion to her be able see her through? This was a tough chapter to write and read; it’s not happy but I tried to keep it realistic. So stick with me through the angst, better times are ahead, I promise!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Mild smut and mentions of violence [trigger warning]

_ A white tile ceiling. Stark white walls.  _

That was the first thing I saw when my eyes fluttered open. I had no concept of time; how long I had been out, or even where I was at the moment. I waited for the pain to hit my consciousness, but it never came. In its place was just an absence, a hollowness of feeling.

I could hear the steady sound of an IV machine in the background, and also a gentle rhythmic snoring. I spied Taron crashed out on the couch by the window, and even if I couldn’t see the sky, I could tell it was dark outside, the lights in my room dim.

Taron must have only been lightly dozing, because he stirred awake as soon as I tried to readjust myself on the bed, and moved over to the chair at my bedside. He took my hand in his and asked softly how I was feeling, the relief to see me awake evident across his features.

“Not much of anything at the moment, to be honest,” I said, trying to read the labels on my IV bags but my vision started swimming again and I had to look away. “I probably have a lot of painkillers right now,” I shrugged. Taron gave me a sympathetic look. “How long have I been out? Did they tell you what happened to me?” I asked, needing information more than anything. I felt like if I had answers, than maybe I could begin to accept what had happened.

“I think maybe the doctor should explain all that, he could do it far better than me,” he said quietly, squeezing my hand.

“T, I need to know what happened to me, please,” I pleaded with him, hating the pained expression that crossed his face and furrowed his brow.

“They had to take you into surgery when you got here,” he said heavily. “They had to rebuild your face, your eye socket and cheekbone were shattered…” he said, choking up and struggling to get the words out as I reached up to touch the heavy gauze taped over the left side of my face. I winced, though I couldn’t really feel any pain from it.

“Adding more scars to the collection, I guess,” I whispered softly.

Taron continued talking in a low, shaking voice, stroking the back of my hand with his thumb, his eyes trained on the bed. “The doctors told me you’ll probably be in here for a while to recover. They want to keep an eye on how everything is healing. You also sustained a couple of fractured ribs, and probably have a moderate concussion, and they don’t want to send you home too soon in case that worsens before it gets better. But you will get better, you have to,” he said, his eyes swimming a bit with tears.

“Hey, it’s going to be okay, Taron. I will get better, you’ll see. I’m determined,” I said, squeezing his hand before a wave of dizziness washed through me, even though I hadn’t even moved. My vision was still going in and out of focus and I closed my eyes for a moment to try and keep from needing to get sick.

“What about Kevin? Did you talk to the police? Were they here? Do they know? Does anyone know?” I asked, peppering Taron with questions he couldn’t possibly answer. “Will he be able to hurt me again?”

“Babe, I don’t know anything right now. But you’re safe here, and I’m not going anywhere. And the woman who helped you, who called me, she took pictures at the scene. They’re on your phone,” he said, his voice cracking again and he had to pause to keep his composure. “She thought they would be important as evidence to whatever charges get pressed. Because we don’t fuck around here in the UK when it comes to assault. But I also don’t know what’s going to happen because he’s a U.S. citizen. He may be extradited and face charges there instead. I just don’t know yet, but he’s in custody and will remain that way until he’s booked or sent away.”

“I used to think that moving here to London would protect me. It didn’t,” I said painfully.

“He can’t hurt you any more, I promise.” Something about the way he said that made me absolutely lose it.

“I’m not sure anyone can promise me that, Taron,” I fairly sobbed. Whether he could understand my words, I’m not sure because I was crying so hard they weren’t coherent. Watching me cry uncontrollably must have torn him apart though, because at one point he clambered into my bed, careful of the IV and all the other tubes and lines trailing from me, and pulled me into his arms, not even caring that I was probably leaving trails of tears and snot and slobber all over his shirt. I know I was shaking, afraid and traumatized by everything. Taron stroked my hair sweetly, careful with me even as he held me tightly to him, wanting his presence to be calming and comforting.

I don’t remember calming down, and I don’t remember slipping off to sleep, but I must have because I woke up later when a nurse was trying to quietly take my vitals, my face still pressed into Taron’s chest. He was out cold, lashes resting against his cheeks, his arms still sweetly around me. I knew I should have felt something, protected, safe, in love, but all I could feel was afraid. Not of Taron, necessarily, but that somehow the happiness I had found in him couldn’t last. Maybe, somehow, I wasn’t meant to deserve what he had tried to offer me.

I hated how dark these thoughts were but couldn’t keep them from pressing me flat. What if Taron had been with me when Kevin confronted me? What if he’d been hurt, because of me? That would have made things far worse. I wouldn’t have been able to handle that kind of guilt. I saw my phone sitting on the table beside me, so I carefully reached over and managed to grab it. I shouldn’t have looked, but my curiosity got the better of me as I scrolled through the pictures of myself laying on the ground, cringing at my broken face. Suddenly I was worried the doctors wouldn’t have been able to put it all back together again; would Taron still love me if I never looked the same again, if these scars made me ugly? That thought made me cry all over again, though I tried desperately hard to choke back the sobs and stay silent, not wanting to wake Taron.

The next couple of weeks in the hospital passed much the same way, and Taron really didn’t leave my side except to go home to shower and grab clean clothes. He kept Jules and Mary and even my family back in America updated, and my roommates visited me as often as they could, managing to make me laugh despite my dark moods. Taron also helped me navigate the paperwork for medical leave with work, which felt endless and confusing partly because my concussion didn’t allow me to make sense of it all, but even my boss visited and made sure I knew I had nothing to worry about, to take the time I needed to recover and that my position would be secure.

Talking to the police and trying to recall details of that day was a difficult process. I remembered most of what had happened just before the assault, but I had very little recollection of the after. And I couldn’t get over why I had trusted Kevin enough to step into that alley with him. Maybe I’d been stupidly hopeful he really had changed, though I still couldn’t figure out how he had found me, and he wasn’t talking to police about that fact either. The couple who had helped me, Darren and Lucy, visited me too, and they were the kindest people, and were incredibly helpful to police as well. Kevin was going to be sent back to the U.S. and his passport revoked, and he’d be banned from ever leaving the country again, so as long as I never went back to America there’d be no way he could get to me again. But I still didn’t feel safe and had no idea how to ever get back to that place where I would.

The bandages came off and I was surprised that it really didn’t look so bad. There were only two incisions and the plastic surgeon had used glue and tape, not actual stitches, to minimize scarring as much as possible. My skin was still red and angry but otherwise I couldn’t see much difference in how my face looked at all. They’d done a good job rebuilding the structure although now my eye socket was more metal than bone.

They kept me on strong pain meds and I had random blindingly awful headaches that made me cry because it was all I could do. My vision stayed slightly fuzzy and I half-worried this would be permanent, but the doctor emphasized that I just needed more time to heal, that the effects of my concussion could take months to fade. The depression that set in, though, that was probably the hardest thing to deal with. I went through a couple of brain scans and a psychological evaluation and was told I had post-traumatic stress disorder but somehow that still didn’t set in my mind that my hopeless feelings weren’t all my fault.

Taron truly was a saint through all of this, remaining strong and stable and supportive, and doing his best to keep me entertained when I wasn’t sleeping, which I admittedly did a lot of. And when it was finally time to be released from the hospital, Taron was adamant that he wanted me to come home with him, and I didn’t have enough strength of mind to argue.

So three weeks later, I was snuggled in amongst the sheets of Taron’s bed, spending most of my time there because I just didn’t have the energy to do anything else. I was sad and worried and afraid most of the time, hovering just above completely bottomed out. I think Taron probably kept me afloat in the worst of it, making sure I ate and showered and took my medicine. Not every day was bad, to be fair. Some days I helped him cook in the kitchen, and the depression couldn’t take away how much I loved to hear him laugh, or we took a walk around his neighborhood, hand-in-hand, and I could pretend I wasn’t this way, or we just stayed in and watched Netflix all day on the couch, being lazy together. But other days the darkness crept in around the edges, and I questioned in my mind why he stayed with me.

I was unfortunately wallowing in the middle of one of these pits when Taron breezed into the room. “I figured it out, babe,” he said, settling on the bed and placing his hand on my knee.

“Figured out what?” I asked, trying to wake up from the stupor I had been in, staring at the ceiling and not even sure what I was thinking.

“I got to thinking how you said you deleted all of your old social media accounts after what happened with Kevin. And all of your new accounts are totally private. But that got me thinking and I realized that I’m to blame for him finding you.”

“What? You’re not making any bloody sense, T,” I said, rubbing my temple and trying to make an oncoming headache go away.

“My Instagram. It’s completely public and the photos we posted while on vacation together… You know, everyone shares those photos on Twitter and Tumblr and Facebook and wherever else and he must have somehow come across it at some point and recognized you and put 2 and 2 together. You dating a London bloke, he must have figured it out and come here just hoping to run into you. It’s really my fault, I should have thought that through.” His green eyes had darkened as he looked troubled over having somehow endangered me.

“Hey. It’s not your fault I have a crazy ass ex. I don’t regret you posting those photos,” I said softly. “It’s also not your fault that the American law system doesn’t better protect its victims of domestic violence. You’re not in control of that. Don’t carry that burden for me, okay?” I said, smiling slightly at him.

“I’d carry anything for you, love,” he said, leaning over and kissing me gently on the forehead.

“I know you would, T. I know,” I said, trailing off and pulling the blankets up around myself again, worn out by our conversation already.  _ I just don’t know why _ , I thought.

“I love you, and I’ll see you through all of this, yeah?” he added softly, earnestly.

I nodded, because I wasn’t sure what else to do. Trying to cross over this chasm of darkness, fear and pain had gotten even more difficult to do. I was on one side, and Taron and all of his patience and kindness and love were on the other, and try as he might to reach across it to me, I didn’t have the courage to jump.

“I’ll get us dinner started, you just rest now,” he spoke, leaving me to my apparent misery.  _ He doesn’t deserve this, whatever it is I am now _ , I thought angrily as I watched him leave the room, seeming a bit deflated at my lack of an actual answer.

I wish I could say the following weeks got better, but somehow they got worse. The first panic attack I had was when Taron and I were downtown, having braved being out in public. We had passed by an alley and somehow that set me off. It took me by surprise and I only was aware it had happened once I had come back out of it. I was on my hands and knees on the concrete, breathless and crying, and Taron was crouched down next to me trying to talk me down. Other people surrounded us, so it must have been embarrassingly obvious that I was losing my shit, and someone had even called an ambulance but the medics weren’t needed by the time they arrived.

More brain scans ensued and I was given more medicines to try and signed up for more counseling to help, but the panic attacks continued because my ptsd was becoming more entrenched in my brain. I was starting to see the image of Kevin everywhere I went, lurking about and waiting to catch me by surprise. Things became so concerning that Taron canceled a weekend event he was supposed to fly out to. He was extremely vague about what it was, just saying that me and my health were more important and he didn’t feel he could leave me by myself for that long. He hadn’t said that to make me feel guilty, of course, but I wished he had consulted me about it first. Especially after I logged into Twitter and saw angry tweet after sad tweet after shitty tweet about Taron canceling his comic con appearance and disappointing a boatload of fans. _ Because of me.  _ This was not what I had wanted at all.

“Taron,” I said, walking out to the living room to find him crashed out on the couch with a beer and some movie or show on the telly, I couldn’t tell what.

“Mmm, yeah?” he asked, muting the telly before sitting up and looking at me over the edge of the couch.

“You shouldn’t have canceled your con appearance,” I said, as it dawned on him that I knew what he’d done. “All those fans are going to be pissed off and disappointed because of me.”

“I did my best to apologize profusely to the fans for that but you’re my priority right now. It wouldn’t be any different if it was my family having a medical issue.”

“I could have gone back to my flat. Jules and Mary would have looked after me, and frankly I could have handled a few days, I think,” I said in a huff, mostly upset that I’d become dependent on him.

“But you need me to help you. There’s no shame in that.”

“I don’t need you,” I bit back. I wished I could have taken those words back the instant they came out of my mouth. The look of hurt that crossed his face, after all he’d done for me already, was awful to witness. But I hadn’t meant it like that; I was frustrated at having to be doted on, and wanted to go back to the sort of independence and freedom I had had before Kevin had walked back into my life and erased years of work I’d done to overcome him.

“Do you really feel that way?” he asked softly, standing up and walking over to me, brushing my hair away from my face.

“I don’t understand anything right now. I’m confused, and depressed, and I’m struggling to understand why this happened to me again, T,” I admitted. “But I also don’t love the idea that your life has been affected by me.”

“My life is affected because I choose to be here for you, in whatever capacity you need me to be. That’s not a burden, Jess. You enrich my life by being in it, and who would I be if I fucked off when you went through something difficult and needed the support? This isn’t about you not being able to do things for yourself. I know you’re fully capable. But I also don’t think you should be alone right now either. And that’s my right to think that, and to ensure that you’re not. Because the last thing on earth I could handle right now is you feeling alone or abandoned. And as to why this happened, I can’t answer that. I wish I could, but it was so wrong, and bad things happen to people who don’t deserve them. And it breaks my heart that you had to go through this, but I also know how strong you are, and every day you prove that more and more. To even be in the orbit around you, it changes things for me.”

The intensity of Taron’s gaze as he spoke his raw, real feelings to me, about me, for me, I felt like I might combust under it. Just burn up on the spot.

“I don’t understand your devotion to me, Taron. I don’t deserve your goodness. I don’t know that I ever have.”

“Just please, don’t do that. I love you and I’m so tired of you trying to find every reason why I shouldn’t. Stop shutting me out, Jess. I can’t profess to know truly what you’re going through right now, but I can’t understand it at all if you don’t talk to me. I want your honesty, and your vulnerability, and your pain, all of it. I just want every beautiful inch of you.”

His words sent shivers over my skin, something I hadn’t been able to feel since the assault. I looked up at him, tried to really see him for more than just the handsome, patient and kind man he was. I tried to see the way he saw me, but it was so hard to do. Kevin had made me feel broken and discarded all over again.

“But what’s so beautiful about me, Taron?” I asked doubtfully.

“Come here,” he said, pulling me over to the couch and down into the seat cushions with him. “And let me show you,” he added, running his fingers gently over my arms.

“Taron,” I whined softly at that, as he gave me one of his small smiles. “Let’s start here,” he said, placing sweet kisses over my eyelids and making me giggle slightly.

“You have the most soulful eyes of anyone I’ve ever met. I can see the world in them because you care so deeply about everything around you.” Next he kissed the tip of my nose, telling me how adorable he thought it was. His kisses traveled to my cheeks, my forehead, my jaw, even my ears, as Taron described how much he loved each one.

Finally he captured my lips in a sweet kiss, something we had barely done since the assault. “And I love kissing your lips. I could do this all day,” he grinned, and even if mentally I was still messed up, my body remembered what it was like to be with him, and craved more of him, and I tried to give myself over to that feeling, leaning in and kissing him back as he leaned me back on the couch, tugging my shirt up and off in the process.

“I love your neck, when I kiss you in that spot that makes you moan,” he smirked, his kisses traveling along my smooth skin and yes, making me moan softly in response. He added my collar bones, my chest and my stomach to the list as he traveled lower and my breath caught in my throat at the feel of his gentle lips sliding over my skin. “Feeling beautiful yet?” he whispered, his hot breath raising goosebumps along my skin. “Or shall I keep going, love?” he smirked, unbuttoning my jeans and slowly sliding them down my legs.

“K-keep going,” I said with a shaky breath, unable to tear my gaze away from him, the way he hovered over me.

“Hmmm, my pleasure,” he hummed, dropping kisses on my thighs. “I love how strong they are, for carrying you through everything. And I especially love being between them,” he whispered with a wicked grin, my head dropping back as he wasted no time in peeling my underwear off and settling himself between my legs.

It’d been a long time since someone had dared to go down on me; Kevin certainly never had. I couldn’t tell you whether Taron was great at it or not, as I didn’t have enough experience to compare either way. But I was 100 percent lost to what he was doing to me there, his tongue and fingers exploring every inch of my folds and drawing out every bit of pleasure I could feel. My fingers gripped his hair, my moans guiding him to what felt good.

When I was close,  _ oh so close _ , Taron stopped and smiled up at me through his lashes; I groaned at him in frustration for being left hanging, but he only crawled back up my body and kissed me, the taste of my own juices still on his mouth. He wrapped my legs around himself, and I got the hint as he picked me up and carried me back to the bedroom, setting me down on the bed gently before practically tearing his own clothes off, grabbing a condom, crawling over me and joining our bodies all in the same motion.

We both groaned our mutual feelings out loud, the delicious feeling as he thrust in and out of me driving me crazy. I was quite lost to how full and whole I felt in the moment as he peppered my face with kisses. Soon enough we were crashing hard together, Taron collapsing next to me, his face tucked in against my neck and arm thrown over my chest as we attempted to come back down to earth.

“I love you so much, babe,” he whispered. “You’re the absolute world to me,” he said, brushing my hair out of my face tenderly.

“I love you too,” I said back, feeling compelled to get the words out in that moment.

“Yeah?” Taron grinned happily, his dimples popping out as his eyes sparkled at me. I couldn’t deny him this happiness, I couldn’t.

So I repeated the words, even as they felt hollow in my chest. _ I should have felt something, shouldn’t I?  _

“You make me so ridiculously happy,” he said sweetly, even as he snuggled into me further, hugging my sweaty, spent body to his for a few moments. I knew what he felt was completely genuine and real. I just didn’t know what was wrong with me that I couldn’t return the same.

Eventually he got up to dispose of the condom and secure the house for the night, while I stayed crashed out in the bed. Once he’d returned and we bedded down to sleep, I laid awake for far too long vacillating between how I should feel and why I wasn’t feeling anything at all. The numbness had settled deep in my soul and I hated myself for it, as I watched Taron sleep soundly, the cutest smile on his face. His love didn’t belong to me, and I knew it.

I don’t remember exactly how long it took to slip off to sleep, but Taron was not in bed when I woke up the next morning. I rolled over and squinted at my phone, and realized it was well after 11 a.m. and Taron would be at an early-morning meeting he’d told me about. I sat up and rubbed at my eyes, looking around me for a long moment and sighing. I got up and showered quickly, grazed on some leftovers I heated up, and then set about packing my clothes. I had spent much of the past month of recovery slumming around in Taron’s pajama pants and sweatshirts, though Mary and Jules had brought some things over for me, clean unders and bras and the like.

I was lost in thought when I heard the front door open. “Darling?! You awake?” Taron called, and I couldn’t move while his footsteps moved about the house. He found me in the bedroom, of course, finally in my own jeans and a blouse, the bed neatly made and my bag resting at the edge of it.

“What’s this?” he asked, his expression immediately clouding over.

“I’m going back to the flat, T. This wasn’t supposed to be a permanent move, anyway. And I don’t want you as my nursemaid, I need you as my boyfriend,” I said quietly, trying to explain and hoping he just understood. “I’m really grateful for what you’ve done for me, but I just need to get back to my routine. I’m trying to process what happened with Kevin still, and I know that I still have this depression hanging over me, and the panic attacks are still happening, but I feel like I can deal with that if I just go back to work and get a sense of normalcy back.”

“I… guess that makes sense, of course,” he replied hesitantly, blinking a few times and trying to process what I was saying. “I think you could be happy here, though, too, with me,” he said sweetly, making my chest ache slightly.

“I just can’t do this right now, with you,” I said softly. “When I said I loved you last night, I couldn’t feel it at first. But it wasn’t because I lied. I do love you, far too much to hold you back with the person I am right now. I need to go back to my normal life and deal with all of this so that I can be worthy of being the person you love.”

“I… Jess,” he said, his voice cracking at that. “You already are the person I love, as you are now,” he replied a bit desperately.

“And you may think that, but I don’t feel it, and that’s never going to go away if I don’t address it now,” I said, watching his face just crumble. It wasn’t easy to fend off my own tears then.

“I wish I could change your mind. I’ve gotten rather used to having you here all the time,” he said, biting his thumb in thought.

“I have to go, T. If we want this to work in the future, I need to be okay with myself first.” I gave him a quick hug, that he oddly didn’t return, before grabbing my bag and walking toward the door. I almost thought he wasn’t going to try and say good-bye but he came running after me, skidding on the tile in his sock feet slightly.

“Wait! Wait, Jess,” he said, taking my free hand in his. “I’ve been waiting to give this to you but I think now’s the right time,” he said, proffering a small black box and making my heart flutter several times. Nestled inside the box was a simple rose-gold band, with a tiny diamond in the middle; it was simple, elegant and clean. “It’s a promise and a hope… My promise to you that I’ll wait for you no matter how long it takes, and my hope that no matter how far you wander, you’ll always find your way back to me. You don’t even have to wear it, I just wanted you to know where I stood,” he said, shoving the box in my hands. The fractured look in his eyes tore at the edges of my soul, but I also knew I was doing the right thing, for him and for me.

“Thank you, Taron,” I said, because there wasn’t anything else to say. “We’ll keep in touch. We’ll go on dates. I’m not giving up on us,” I promised back.

“No, but you’re pushing me away, and I don’t understand why,” he said in a bit of a pained voice.

“I have work to do on me, for me. No one has to understand that.” Taron could only nod at that point, kissing me on the forehead gently before letting me go. I carefully placed the ring in my bag and made sure it was secure before hoisting the bag onto my shoulder and grabbing my purse.

“I can drive you back over to the flat, if you want,” he offered idly.

“I’ve got this, Taron. I know how to take the tube,” I couldn’t help but giggle slightly. His worry over me was sweet, but I needed to be able to rely on myself too. I felt this wild, desperate need to prove to myself that I could.

“I’ll see you later, I suppose,” I said, giving Taron a small smile that he couldn’t bring himself to return. Things could be different, would be better for the both of us, and I could only hope his faith in me wouldn’t be fleeting. I felt both crushed and liberated as I left, confused by both emotions as I peered over my shoulder to see Taron standing in his doorway, watching sadly after me.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter shows the beginning of Jess’ path to healing. There are some difficult conversations but also some sweet moments too. Things can always be figured out one step at a time and hopefully this chapter will leave you feeling a little bit more hopeful too! Enjoy! x

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Light cursing

I stood in front of the mirror, slowly dabbing on foundation, carefully spreading it to the edges, covering the redness of my skin and masking the scars as much as possible. It took several layers of the theater-grade makeup to bring my face closer to what it looked like before Kevin had smashed my face against the side of a brick building. I reached up and ran my fingers over my cheekbone, my brow, flinching at the flashes of memory. I stared at my reflection for a long moment, practicing the smile I would need to rely on as I made my way through work for the first time since the accident. If I couldn’t feel exactly okay, maybe I could fake my way there. That smile didn’t reach my eyes; my gaze still looked broken.

A knock on the doorframe startled me, and I turned to see Jules standing there. “Hey, you almost ready? First day back, you probably shouldn’t be late,” she said gently.

“Yeah, almost,” I said, giving her an actual smile before swiping some shadow and mascara on and finishing off the look with a tinted chapstick. I pulled on a blazer over my blouse and slacks and followed Jules out to the main room. She handed me a mug of coffee she’d already prepared and I gave her a hug.

“You’ll be great, you know,” she said with an understanding I appreciated. Ever since I had shown back up at the flat a week before, Jules and Mary had been nothing but kind and sweet and understanding with me. They’d helped me through my panic attacks and kept me grounded, and even supported my decision to distance myself from Taron slightly, even if they didn’t completely agree with it. Believe me, they’d made their opinions on that more than known. But I knew what I needed for myself, and that was routine and reliance on myself. I just had to trust that Taron would be patient through the current challenge I was facing. I had faith I could come out the other side, but I needed time to work through those issues.

“Of course I will. I didn’t forget how to edit just because my face was broken. I’m just ready to feel normal again,” I sighed.

“Please, you were never normal,” Jules grinned, making me smile as well.

“Oh alright, I have to give you that,” I laughed. I grabbed a scone and my coffee and gave Jules one more hug before I got myself out the door. Something about that one simple action made me feel just a little bit lighter, like I really could reclaim myself. Living under the irrational fear that another attack was imminent was slowly destroying my soul; I desperately needed to prove to myself that it wasn’t going to happen again. Getting myself to work and back without incident was going to be a major part of that.

I took a deep breath and made my way to the tube, my earphones plugged in and my favorite tunes playing on my phone. I felt hyper-alert at the tube station, always looking over my shoulder, but kept talking myself through it. Kevin wasn’t here; Kevin was locked away in a penitentiary until he was sent back to America. I could feel the edges of my ptsd poking at my resolve, but I just turned my music up louder as I picked at my scone.

I was so relieved when I finally made it to the office. I took the familiar elevator ride up, humming to myself. And when the elevator pinged open at our floor, and I pulled the doors to the office open, I was surprised to find my colleagues all standing about and waiting for me. I teared up a bit at the overwhelming reception, all of the “welcome backs!” and “we missed yous!” and hugs all around. I hadn’t been at the job for much longer than over a year so to feel that appreciated and cared about hit me in the soul.

It was good to dig myself back into work. I didn’t have to think about Kevin or anything else, just the difference between gerund and participle and whether the script used the correct form of “you’re.” Grammar was reassuring because the rules were structured; they were reliable and didn’t depend on emotional context to make sense. I was so intensely involved in the script I was editing that I didn’t hear my boss walk up behind me. He knocked his knuckles on my desk and I jumped, nearly swiping my laptop onto the floor in the process.

“How’s it going?” he asked, but I couldn’t hear his words over the rushing sound in my ears. I had to close my eyes and focus on my breathing to try and bring my heart rate back under control, but I was already trembling. I don’t know how many minutes passed like that, but when I finally managed to beat back the panic attack and look up, my boss had a concerned look on his face.

“Sorry, you just scared me,” I said quietly, my voice shaky.

“Is everything alright?” he asked. “Do you need to talk about this in the office?”

“I just… have panic attacks still. After the attack and everything. I didn’t hear you come up,” I muttered slightly. “It’s not really a huge problem, I promise I can do my work still.”

“Jess, that’s not what I’m worried about. I want to make sure that this was an okay time for you to come back. If you need more time we can arrange that,” he said, proving once again how understanding of a man he was. I couldn’t have asked for a better supervisor, truly.

“I need to be at work. I need my life to get back to normal,” I said, finding myself tearing up again and trying to hastily wipe at my eyes. “This is what’s going to help me get better. I can’t lay around at home anymore feeling unproductive.”

“If there’s anything we can do to make this transition time easier for you, though, let me know,” he said, still looking at me in a concerned manner.

“Thank you, I will,” I said, giving him a small smile and trying to be reassuring. Once he took his leave I leaned back in my chair and pressed my fingers against my eyes, letting out a long, slow breath. _ I was going to be okay,  _ I told myself.

My phone pinged with a text and I grabbed my phone quickly. <I hope your first day back is going smoothly. I miss you.> Taron had texted.

I typed about fifteen different responses, deleting each one, and couldn’t seem to figure out what to say, exactly. He was being sweet, and I appreciated the sentiment. We’d stayed in contact over the past week, of course; I hadn’t been ignoring him but sometimes things felt awkward too. He had been respecting the space I asked for but reminding me that his constant support was there too. I set my phone down and figured I’d text him later, when I was more in a mindset to have a conversation with him.

I returned to my work and managed to get through the rest of the day without a meltdown, which I considered a success. I hurriedly walked to the tube station, double-checking my phone to make sure I had the correct train line as I was now headed to an important appointment. I’d applied to adopt a therapy animal to help with the ptsd and panic attacks at the suggestion of my counselor, and I’d been accepted. I was going to the offices to meet the director, meet some of the trained dogs and hopefully get the process moving forward. I was hoping this was a step in the right direction of my healing.

I felt nervous as I walked in and gave my name at the front desk, but I was welcomed in and treated so kindly. We went over my official diagnosis but the director told me if I felt comfortable sharing I could tell her my story, because I was more than just my diagnosis. There was something so caring and compassionate about her manner that put me at ease, so I ended up telling her all about Kevin.

“Oh honey,” she said sympathetically, but not with pity. “You are incredibly brave. I’m so sorry you went through that, but I do hope our services can be a part of your journey back to wellness. Would you like to meet some of our therapy dogs?” she smiled, and I nodded yes enthusiastically.

I followed her out to what was called the “meeting room” and was able to meet several of the dogs they felt would match my profile and needs. One particularly energetic black lab named Roxy seemed to instantly jive with me. She had the sweetest honey brown eyes and I just melted over her, and when she laid her head in my lap and I think we all knew then that I’d been chosen.

I wasn’t able to take Roxy home just yet; I needed to make sure I had everything set up for her back at the flat, and I would need to go through a couple of training sessions to make sure we understood how to communicate in the way she had been trained. She was young and needed someone with an active lifestyle, and had been passed over for other candidates before. But because I was highly functioning, they felt her energetic nature would suit my lifestyle just fine. She was trained to detect and warn her owner of an impending panic attack, and also provide safety, security and support for the duration of one. I signed the paperwork I needed to, and made my appointment for the training sessions the following week.

I left the office feeling far more light-hearted than I had begun the day, and even picked up takeout for dinner for me and my flatmates on the way home, texting Jules and Mary both about the success of my appointment. Mary had expressed concerns about Tim, her cat, but I figured that any therapy animal would have been desensitized to other pets already and would well enough leave Tim alone. But I needed this, and Jules and Mary were excited for me.

We ate the takeout and chatted about nothing serious, which I appreciated. We watched an episode of The Bodyguard (I was obsessed over this show now) and then I decided to call it an early night. I was exhausted already by the emotions of the day, but I could call it a success and I was proud of myself for that. I washed my makeup off and ran my finger over the largest scar, which ran from my hairline down to the outside corner of my left eye. It was slowly fading but the doctor warned it might always have a presence; the plastic surgeons were talented, but not wizards. There was no magic wand to erase what Kevin had done to me. But I also knew I was stronger than what he had done to me and the best way to prove that, as my counselor repeated often, was to move forward.

I brushed my teeth and changed into my pajamas before crawling into bed, deciding to read a little bit, hugging the plushie unicorn Mary had bought for me while I was in the hospital. Maybe it was silly, but it brought me comfort all the same. A knock sounded on the door and I figured it was just Mary or Jules wishing to say goodnight; they probably saw my light was still on through the crack under the door. “Come in!” I called.

The door swung open and there stood Taron - definitely not who I was expecting. “Ahh, Jules said you’d probably still be awake so I… I just hadn’t heard from you all day and I was worried,” he said, hanging in the doorway, almost afraid to come in my room.

I hastily pulled my hair down around my face to hide the scar. I had no idea why I did that; Taron had seen me in the hospital when it was much, much worse. There was no reason to be shy around him, and yet here I was. “I did text you, did you not get it?” he asked softly.

“I… shit. I completely forgot to respond!” I said. “I’m so sorry. Sometimes I think I do something that I didn’t actually do but it just becomes jumbled in my brain. I probably am still a little scrambled, you know,” I said, before scooting over on the bed and patting the space beside me.

Taron didn’t need a second hint, immediately crossing over to my bed and settling in beside me. “It’s okay. I just needed to see you, to make sure you were okay,” he said, staring straight ahead and fidgeting slightly with his hands.

“I am as okay as I think I can be. Today was a good step in the right direction for me. I got through work with only one minor panic, and it was nice to focus on something other than what happened. And I met with the animal therapy people and that went really well, and I’ve signed adoption papers already,” I said, unable to not smile over that.

“That’s fantastic news, Jess!” he said, happy for me but I could tell he didn’t exactly know how to be around me at the moment. I hated that I’d made it so awkward, but I still maintained that I was doing the right thing for my own healing’s sake. I wanted to be able to give Taron all of me, not just the bits Kevin hadn’t managed to mess up yet. And in order to do that, I needed to heal all the broken parts first. My heart still hurt over what Kevin had done, and in some ways, I felt guilty and ashamed for ever letting him into my life.

“So tell me about your day, T,” I smiled, moving to snuggle in against him, laying my head on his chest and sighing slightly; he responded by wrapping his arms around me tightly and it made a world of difference. He relaxed finally and I felt him exhale, almost as if he’d been holding his breath around me the whole time.

I listened to him talk, growing sleepy as I was lulled a bit by the sound of his heart beating. It was just comfortable being in his arms again. “Are you even listening to a word I say?” Taron teased me. My eyes had admittedly started to flutter closed.

“Of course I am,” I replied with a yawn.

“You’ve had a long day. I should let you sleep,” he said, but made no move to leave. I think he felt it too, that connection we’d been missing ever since the attack.

“We’re going to be okay,” I said sweetly. “You’ve still got me. I just need a little more time to heal some of this pain. Pain you didn’t cause. I’m sorry you have to wait for me to deal with that.”

“I would wait to the ends of the earth for you, Jess. I told you I love you and I don’t say that lightly. It’s not just a phrase to say flippantly. You mean the absolute world to me,” he said, sweeping my hair back off my face, exposing my scar. I sat up slightly, but mostly so I could see his face, his deep soulful gaze as he continued to speak. “There’s nothing of you to hide from me. I want it all, the beautiful, amazing, lovely bits but also the painful, difficult, vulnerable moments, the ones you think you’re not good enough for me to see. I don’t want you to feel alone on this journey because you’re not. I want you to be able to heal too, but I need you as you are right now.” The emotion in his voice, the rawness of how he felt, the way his lower lip trembled slightly, made me tear up for only the third time that day.

“There’s just so much shame, and guilt, fear and anger, and all of these awful feelings in me right now. I’m afraid that those things will hurt you if I let you in too close. If I lash out at you, or say something that I don’t really mean, I don’t know if I could forgive myself for that. And I’m not completely in control yet. Do you understand?” I asked, placing a hand on his chest, his heart beating so fast.

“I understand but I’m not afraid of you the way you think I should be. Life isn’t all happy and good. Sometimes it’s angering and terrible. Especially when you have to witness someone you love going through the valleys. But that doesn’t make me want to be here for you any less. I made you a promise,” he said, his eyes drifting over to where the ring box was sitting on my nightstand. “And I stand by that promise.”

I didn’t know what to say to that, really, and I couldn’t stand his gaze penetrating through me anymore either, so I laid down on my pillow and sighed. I was worn out and my head was starting its nightly throbbing again. He sighed but pulled the blankets around me and leaned in, kissing me on the forehead. “I’m not giving up, Jess,” he said, sliding out of the bed.

“I don’t want you to,” I spoke up, wiping at my eyes as I had started to cry. “I just can’t handle me right now.”

“We’ll take it one day at a time. That’s all we can do. And each day will be better,” he said, handing me my stuffed unicorn where it had fallen on the floor. “Get some sleep, love,” he said. I nodded at that and after Taron took his leave, basically cried myself to sleep.

The next days of work went as smoothly as could be, and the distraction of work was exactly what I needed. I kept my counseling appointments as well, trying to work through the lingering fears over Kevin and admitting how the attack was affecting my current relationship, a relationship I had been very happy in before Kevin had found me again. My counselor told me that a lot of what I was feeling tied into my lack of self-worth; that Kevin had used my low self-esteem to manipulate me and hurt me. If I really wanted to get better, I needed to start accepting myself, loving myself, and claiming my worth as a person. It all felt a little preachy, but I also knew my counselor was probably right.

I made plans with Mary and Jules to go shopping on Saturday. I wanted to catch up with my friends, and I needed to buy things for my future therapy dog as well. The girls were excited to finally have some fun friend time with me, and I was in a great mood as we left our flat and headed for the tube, our reusable bags slung over our shoulders.

“Oh this is going to be so much fun!” Mary enthused as we waited for our train to arrive.

“Like old times,” I grinned back.

“It’s so rare for all of us to have the same day off,” Jules agreed with a laugh. “I’m totally over this adulting thing. It’s for the birds.”

“Life was so much easier when I didn’t have to feed myself and make all the decisions,” I agreed with a laugh. “So tell me what’s going on with you two. I’ve been so out of touch, and I’m really sorry for that.”

“Oh no, don’t be sorry, Jess. You’ve been through so much,” Mary said sweetly. “We have been understanding of it.”

“Everyone has been, but that doesn’t mean I don’t feel like an absolute mess still,” I sighed. “But really, what about you and Emmett, hmmm?” I asked, seeing Mary blush.

“Well,” she said, her face turning a bright pink. “We’ve been dating a lot, and it’s been very good. He’s so funny and he has the brightest blue eyes and I just love them,” she giggled. “And we had sex a couple weeks ago,” she added as I squealed loudly.

“Yes, and…?” I said. “How did you not tell me this!”

“It was good for the first time, I think,” she said, hiding her eyes with her hand. “He was really sweet about it,” she added.

“Well I’m very happy for you both then,” I grinned at that. “You deserve someone sweet. And to think you weren’t even going to ask him for coffee,” I teased. “And what about you, Jules?”

“Oh, Gavin and I are off again. But we’ll probably be on again tomorrow, so you know. I just like snogging him so much. But there’s another guy I’ve been talking to who’s quite dishy so I might at least go out with him and see.”

“Yeah, he’s her boss,” Mary leaned in and whispered loudly to me.

“Oooohhh,” I said, raising my eyebrows at Jules.

“Yeah, so? He’s not married or anything. It’s not scandalous. He’s only two years older than me!” she said with a shrug, but I had to laugh at her defensiveness.

“Relax Jules. Like we’re here to judge you,” I giggled. “Besides, what you do is more like a cooperative anyway. That’s what you’ve always told me. Everyone’s sort of on the same level, right?”

“Yeah. I’ve just been putting in a lot of extra hours with Andrew on this huge installation we’re doing and I guess he started noticing me. We’ve been flirting a lot but I think I might just ask him out,” Jules replied.

“You totally should. Gavin’s cute and all but if he can’t commit and you want something more stable, I don’t blame you,” I said matter-of-factly.

“Speaking of stable and committed, how are things going with Taron?” Jules asked me, and I sighed a bit deeply.

“We’re okay right now. I’m trying, you know? I’ve just gotten buried under a lot of old shit I thought I had already solved, but Kevin brought it all back to the surface again. So I guess I hadn’t resolved my demons as much as I had been led to believe. And who knows, maybe this has been a blessing in disguise. Maybe it’s giving me the chance to deal with all of this insecurity and these shitty worth issues. Because it would have cropped up eventually, maybe further down the line, and it could really have caused a rift between us.”

“But he so adores you and just wants to be with you, Jess. You’re denying yourself. We all know it,” Jules said introspectively.

“I’m doing what’s right for me,” I said quietly.

“But what if the right thing really is letting Taron love you?” Mary spoke up.

“She’s got a point, you know,” Jules replied.

“Don’t I need to love myself first, you guys?” I said. “I feel like no one is going to be able to replace that or do that for me. I have to find it first.”

“I’m no guru. I don’t know this shit,” Jules laughed. “I just know that boy loves you more than anything. And that’s worth having too.”

Her words echoed around my brain for a while as our chatter turned to other subjects, and even while we squealed over cute collars and costumes and dog toys at the pet store, loading up on all the supplies I could possibly need to welcome Roxy home. 

We stopped for lunch at a cute little sidewalk cafe before doing some clothes shopping as well. I ended up buying some new shirts and a couple of dresses; ever since the ordeal I’d actually lost some weight and my current clothes had gotten too big on me. I’d spent a lot of time feeling insecure about my body, even after Taron had shown me just how much he appreciated it. But now, looking at myself in the mirror of the fitting room, I could think I looked pretty as I smoothed the dress over my smaller waist. It was a small boost in my confidence that I didn’t even know I had needed.

It was a truly good day and I was feeling happy by the time we returned with our arms loaded down with our purchases. While I was in my room putting some things away, I noticed the ring box again on my nightstand. I picked it up and opened it, looking at the smooth band with its tiny diamond nestled inside. I ran my finger over its surface before slipping it out of the box. I rustled around in my jewelry box for a moment before finding a chain that I had long ago lost the charm to, and I threaded the ring onto it before clasping it around my neck. I slipped the ring under my shirt, feeling the cold weight of it against my chest, and smiled.

I grabbed my phone and opened my messages. <You made a promise to me, but I need to make one to you. What are you doing tomorrow evening?> I texted Taron, and I didn’t have to wait long for his reply.

<Absolutely nothing, why?>

<We should go on that date we said we would. It’s only been a couple of months since our last one. Pick up where we left off before Kevin happened, yeah?> I sent back.

<I like the sound of that> he replied. <Did you have something in mind?>

<Oh yes. I’ll give you details tomorrow.> I texted back, snickering slightly to myself. For the first time in a long while, I actually felt excited. The idea had already started hatching in my brain, but I needed to figure out if I could pull it off or not, starting with a phone call I needed to make right now for reservations.

<Just like to keep a guy guessing, do you now?>

<You know you love it> I wrote back with a grin on my face. I couldn’t help but like the playfulness that had crept back into this exchange.

<I know I love you.>

<Oh, T. Make a girl blush.> I wrote back, feeling like my cheeks were hurting I was smiling so much.

<So I’ll be patiently awaiting your instructions tomorrow, m’lady.>

I couldn’t help but squeal a little to myself as I started putting my plan into place. It was a simple date, really, but to me it held a lot of promise. Maybe I could give back as much to Taron as he had already given to me. His endless faith in me as I crawled out of this darkness had not gone unnoticed or unappreciated. I did still love him and even if the words didn’t come easily or readily to me, I knew it was true for me. It was time I stopped doubting why we had become what we were. I deserved more than I was letting myself have; I had forever seen myself as just the fan in the Tesco’s but truly, I was the woman Taron loved.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally, the chapter you have all been (hopefully) waiting for! This part of the story finds Jess and Taron finally getting their relationship back on track. There are mostly just some incredibly sweet and heartfelt moments in this chapter, and I hope you cheer right along with me as Jess tries to break through her fears. Enjoy! x

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Some slight smut

The morning broke bright and sunny, and with it a thousand promises. I’d woken up excited for today, excited to reconnect with Taron, and to hopefully give back to him somehow for all his faith in me. I wanted to know I had earned that faith, and while I knew he had promised he’d wait for me, I didn’t want to keep him waiting forever. Because for truly the first time since Kevin’s attack, I felt happy. I felt like some kind of heavy burden had lifted. I felt hopeful. Every hard truth I’d talked about in therapy, every wound I’d reopened and examined, every painful memory I’d tried to root out and mend, had culminated in this day. I wanted to move forward with my life, and the way to do that was right in front of me.

I sat up in bed, stretching out slightly, and feeling literally like a new person. I couldn’t tell you if something chemically in my brain had shifted, or if I just had unlocked a new state of mind, but the reason behind it didn’t matter. Everything felt new again; the way the sunlight filtered through the blind slats and warmed me, the whisper of the fabric of my pajamas over my skin, even the familiar scent of lavender from the satchel I kept under my pillow. Nothing had changed, but everything had.

Okay, so maybe that sounds like a completely Disney-fied version of reality, but I just felt different and I couldn’t put my finger on it. I was looking forward to being awake, not dreading it, and that made a massive difference in how I appreciated all the small things too. I wasn’t in sensory overload any longer, though I was certain I could easily slip back into that mode. I wanted to enjoy this small break of clarity for as long as I could make it last.

Before I fully got out of bed, I decided to call Taron, as it wasn’t exactly early. Saturdays were most certainly for sleeping in. He answered just before the call would have gone to voicemail, his voice still thick with sleep. “Mmmmmello?”

“Oh, did I wake you?” I asked, unable to keep the giggle out of my voice.

“Just a wee bit,” Taron yawned slightly, rustling about in his bed. “But it’s bloody late in the morning already so I guess it’s about time I got up.”

“You’re adorable when you’re sleepy,” I smirked.

“That so?” he replied, and I could hear the grin in his voice. “Would be better if you were next to me, you know.”

“Would it now?” you smiled at that.

“I do mean it, why can’t I have you here with me again?” he asked in a pouty voice.

“You know why, T. I’m working on things here,” I replied softly.

“I know, I know. I just miss you dearly. The bed feels far too big now without you in it,” he said, and I could hear the bedsheets rustling some more, and then a slight involuntary grunt as he stood up. I imagined him running his fingers through his inevitably messy hair, his nightshirt a bit rumpled, and I sort of wished I could run my fingers over it, smoothing out the wrinkles.

“Anyway, I called to talk about our plans,” I said quickly, wondering at the thought I’d just had. I hadn’t had much of an urge to touch Taron since Kevin had interrupted everything. But now I wanted nothing more than to feel that warm, firm chest under my fingers. I longed to hear his heart beating, just for me.

“I’m all ears,” he said, yawning again and making something else open up in my chest as I imagined him leaning over the bathroom sink, peering at himself in the mirror. I felt my heart trip a little at the thought, fully aware of how much I hadn’t appreciated that enough during the month I had crashed at his place. Then again, I had been actually crashing in my depression and anxiety and unable to appreciate those things. I had a lot of time to make up for.

“I just need you to pick me up at 6 sharp. I’d say I’d pick you up, but then we’d be riding the tube and seeing as it’s getting colder out now, your car is probably the better option,” I grinned.

“Yep, got it. 6 p.m. sharp. What are we doing?” he asked.

“I can’t tell you that, it’s part of the surprise!” I laughed lightly. “But just wear jeans and a nice jumper and a coat or something. We don’t have to be super dressed up for this.”

“Coat. Jeans. Jumper. Got it,” he replied. “Do I have to wait until 6 to see you?” he asked again, the longing so evident it squeezed at my heart.

“I- …” I trailed off, not really sure what to say. That hadn’t been part of my original plan either, but in many ways it felt difficult for me to wait to see him too.

“Just ignore me, I’m being ridiculous. I will be patient, and I will see you this evening love, and we will have an amazing time together,” he answered for me, probably mistaking my hesitation but I didn’t correct him.

“I could never ignore you, Taron,” I said, running my fingers over my lips in a sudden memory of his kisses. “Yes, 6, until then enjoy your day,” I replied distractedly.

“Of course. It will be so much better after 6 though, so the first part might be quite forgettable,” he smirked into the phone at me.

“Oh shush,” I had to laugh. “Just go do whatever it is a Taron does on Saturday,” I teased.

“Mostly cleaning my place, it’s a hideous wreck,” he chuckled.

“I doubt that,” you laughed with him.

“Alright, I best get to it. See you later, my love.”

“I am looking forward to it,” I said, blushing despite myself. We managed to say our good-byes and hung up, and I laid back on my bed for a long moment and sighed happily. I pulled the ring out from under my nightshirt and examined it in the sunlight, letting the diamond sparkle. Tonight was going to be special, I could feel it.

I finally managed to get up and, in a fit of inspiration from Taron himself, decided to spend my morning cleaning our flat. I felt like my depression had kept me from contributing anything to my roommates and I wanted to make up for it, so I started with the bathroom, scrubbing it down until it shined, and then going to do the same with the kitchen.

That’s where Mary found me, sprawled out on my hands and knees, head under the sink, containers of bleach and dish soap and sponges scattered around me.

“What in the world are you doing?” she asked, scaring me so that I jerked and whacked my head on the underside of the metal sink.

“Owww, fuck!” I said, backing out and resting on my heels, pressing a hand to my smarting forehead. “I’ve been cleaning!” I laughed lightly. It would be just my luck to give myself a shiner right before my date.

“Oh, well, it looks really nice,” Mary smirked at me. “I can see my reflection in the toaster now.”

“We all didn’t know what we were missing,” I giggled lightly, finishing what I was doing and stacking everything back in the under-sink cabinet. “Now we can make sure our makeup is on point while we eat our toast. Much more efficient this way,” I continued to joke, making Mary giggle even more.

“You’re ridiculous, Jess,” she grinned.

“Here, give me that,” I said, checking my forehead in the toaster reflection and rubbing the red spot that was already starting to darken. “Well I’ll be wearing my bangs down today,” I said, blowing the hair out of my face for emphasis.

“What’s tonight?” Mary asked as she poured herself a bowl of cereal. I handed her the milk absent-mindedly, already lost in thought.

“You know, I’m taking Taron out later,” I smiled. “He’s been so patient with me while I went and lost my marbles. I just feel like I should try and make an effort to give back, you know?”

“Lost your marbles?” Mary asked, sounding confused, and I forgot that sometimes phrases that were natural to me in American English were confusing as hell to her.

“You know, lost your marbles… Went a little crazy. I mean, I use that cheekily because I wasn’t crazy but I certainly wasn’t easy to deal with either. I crashed and crashed hard after Kevin and I moped around Taron’s place for a month and had very little motivation to do anything or basically exist. He’s really been a saint,” I tried to explain, as Mary gave me a sympathetic look.

“But you went through something really awful. You should be kinder to yourself. I think you’ve been incredibly strong, and I’m sure Taron would think the same thing,” she said sweetly.

“It’s just difficult to reconcile how hard I fell though. I thought I’d made better progress after three years of dealing with the fallout from the first time Kevin attacked me. So I feel a bit ashamed for falling apart so much to be honest,” I admitted.

“But the only person judging you is yourself,” Mary pointed out, words I’m sure I’d said to her before. I was good at giving advice; not so much at actually following it myself.

We chatted a bit longer before Mary decided to join me in my cleaning frenzy, and we ended up tackling the living room together, Tim protesting at us when we shoed him off the couch so we could vacuum it free of his hair. He promptly jumped back up after we were finished and glowered at us while we swept and dusted and organized everything, getting rid of old newspapers that had stacked up and even washing down the windows. They say cleanliness is next to godliness for a reason; the whole place somehow felt lighter and better for our efforts.

While Jules was still at work, Mary and I decided to run to the grocery, and I found I was truly enjoying her company as we laughed and sent Jules stupid Snapchats with jokes about various food products. It was probably juvenile, but we were in fits by the time we finally checked out. Emotionally, this was probably one of the best days I’d had in a long time. I couldn’t believe how happy I felt, and it gave me hope that there were better days coming. I could feel the darkness still waiting for me below the surface; I knew there was still work to do to keep from sliding back into it. But for now, I felt like I had gained a little freedom and I didn’t want to let that feeling go.

Once we got home, we put the groceries away and I ended up straightening up my room a bit before trying to read a little while I waited for the clock to tick closer to 6. Eventually I deemed it was time enough to start getting ready for the evening. I chose a pretty yellow silk blouse and layered that under a black pinafore with thick black tights and black boots. It was comfortable and effortless and that’s how I wanted to feel tonight. I also made sure to dig my winter jacket out of the closet, and stuffed my gloves in the pockets too. I’d probably need them later, for what I had planned.

I quickly did my makeup, able to take the redness out of my new bump but not the bruising, so after also hiding my scar, I made sure to pull my bangs down over my forehead. I was a mess, but Taron wouldn’t care; he’d only tell me I was the loveliest woman he’d ever seen. I could very nearly hear him say that in my mind, and I couldn’t help but smile. He never saw the superficial things, the flaws I tended to obsess over. He’d really seen me at my worst, no makeup, unshowered, exhausted and unkempt and depressed as hell, and he still wanted to be with me so that said a lot for his character.

I paced my room slightly before my phone chimed with a text. I grabbed it and saw that Taron had texted that he was on his way. I felt a small thrill of excitement run through me, nearly like it was our first date again, and in some ways I supposed it could be counted as that; the first actual date since Kevin had altered my path, again. 

When Jules finally made it home from work, she screeched at me in a decibel probably only dogs could hear about why I hadn’t told her and Mary. I tried to explain I’d only decided on this date the day before, but I’m not really sure she heard me.

By the time Taron arrived I felt like I’d worked myself up into a tizzy. Even though it was custom for Taron to come to the front door I decided to preempt that and meet him halfway so he wouldn’t have to deal with all the screeching from my flatmates. “Alright, I’ll see you ladies later,” I laughed, swinging the door open only wide enough for me to squeeze through. “Byyyee,” I laughed as Jules tried to wrestle the door away from me.

“You know Mary and I won’t mind if you don’t come home tonight, alright?” Jules said, only half-teasing me, I think.

I rolled my eyes in appreciation and then hopped down off the stoop, making Taron chuckle as I nearly ran down the walkway to him. “What’s the hurry?” he smirked, waving at Mary and Jules, who had their faces pressed to the window I’d just cleaned earlier.

“Those two, that’s the hurry. Come on,” I laughed, tugging his hand as I walked toward the car. Taron just seemed amused as he opened the car door for me, always the gentleman, but he stopped me for a second before I could sit down.

“You look absolutely stunning tonight, Jess,” he said sweetly. “And I like this,” he added, touching the ends of my wavy hair, which was now just barely sweeping over my shoulders. “When did you get it cut?” he asked curiously.

“Um, Tuesday? I think? It all sort of blurs together, but I completely forgot to tell you,” I laughed, realizing that we really hadn’t seen each other in person for a week. I suddenly felt compelled to hug him, and so I did, wrapping my arms around his middle tightly and pressing my face against his chest, breathing him in as he hugged me back. We held onto each other for probably a moment longer than was necessary, but the need was there, obvious and permeable as it hung in the space between us. He tilted my chin up to gaze in my eyes before his eyes drifted up.

“What on earth did you do here?” he asked, tapping his finger lightly on my forehead.

“Oh, that,” I cringed lightly. “I fought the sink and it won,” I said, and Taron laughed before shaking his head.

“That’s my Jess,” he said affectionately as I carefully placed the duffle bag I’d been carrying in the backseat. Taron raised an eyebrow at that in question but didn’t ask and I finally managed to duck into the car, my stomach growling. He handed me his phone after also getting in the car and I punched the address into Google Maps for the restaurant I had chosen, and soon enough we were on our way, enjoying the views of the city in the evening light. He dutifully followed the directions from Google but once we were close seemed to recognize exactly where I was taking him, and we were able to find parking quickly because he knew where to go. We walked hand in hand down the few blocks to Oxo Tower and I couldn’t feel giddier at the moment.

“Excellent choice. I’m quite fond of this place but I don’t get here enough,” he said as we took the elevator up to the eighth floor. Taron held me to him while we were in the elevator, lightly kissing my forehead and making my heart yearn for something more, but there would be time enough for that. We knew each other and yet we were just getting to know each other again in my new normal.

I gave my name at the front, thankful I had made reservations at the Brasserie as the place was rather crowded, and we were led to a table right by the large floor to ceiling windows with the very best view of London over the Thames. We got seated in the mod blue chairs and Taron stared out at the view for a long moment, looking thoughtful and handsome as ever in the black jeans and grey jumper he’d worn over a red collared shirt. He looked deeply vulnerable for a moment as he looked back over at me, and we were suspended in that moment, exchanging thoughts without a single word until our server came up, introducing herself and taking our drink orders.

“Isn’t it lovely?” I said, also staring out at the calm waters, the sun starting to sink toward the horizon and painting the clouds every color imaginable.

“Not as lovely as the view right across from me,” Taron replied, reaching over and taking my hand in his and I think noticing for the first time that I was wearing the ring on a necklace, not tucked under my clothes as before but on full display. He sucked in his breath for a moment, seeming a bit overwhelmed, and I tore my gaze away from the sunset to catch his full reaction. His eyes were twinkling a bit as the smile grew over his whole face, crinkling the corners of his eyes in the way I so loved. “You’re wearing it,” he commented softly, running his thumb over the back of my hand gently.

“I have been for a little bit,” I nodded with a smile. “I heard you, you know, when you said it was a promise. I’ve held onto that, and I think it’s helped keep me going. None of this was about running away from you, I hope you know that.”

“I didn’t understand it that day, I don’t think. I was a bit hurt and miserly but I also knew I wasn’t willing to lose you over being butthurt,” he smiled. “I’d take any kind of pain you could send my way if it just meant I got to be with you.”

“But I don’t want to hurt you, T,” I said, resting my chin in my hand and biting at my lip nervously.

“You don’t hurt me. What you went through hurts me. What I had to witness you going through, that hurts. Because I feel for you, I hurt for you, do you see? I can’t just be over here only feeling my own feelings. There are a lot of things I feel for you too. Things I wish I could inspire in you also - joy, happiness, love,” he said, his eyes actually misting up a bit.

He had to quickly recover as the waitress dropped our drinks off and we put our orders in. I asked for the pan-fried sea bass with cauliflower puree, potato gnocchi and cavolo nero, while Taron ordered the pancetta-wrapped pork filet with a lentil and treviso salad. Everything sounded so good and I wanted to order it all, but I figured we would try bites of each other’s meals, at any rate, and probably split a dessert too. The lights on the buildings were beginning to twinkle on, one after another in the darkening horizon, and the last bit of sunlight really gave us a show, oranges and reds dancing with blues and purples in the sky.

“Hey, I have an idea!” I said, getting up from the table suddenly and pulling him with me. He laughed in surprise but followed as I pulled him out onto the balcony with me. There were a couple brave souls at the tables outside but they didn’t seem to give us a second glance as we posed with the sunset backdrop, trying to take a decent selfie but Taron kept making funny faces and the harder I laughed, the worse the pictures kept turning out.

“Taaaron, I want a nice photo before it gets dark!” I giggled into my hand.

“But I love this laugh,” he grinned, wrapping his hands around my waist and pulling me in close, my hips nearly against his as he gazed at me for a minute, his expression full of adoration. He leaned in and kissed me and the rest of the world seemed to stop. Everything else just faded away, and it was just Taron and me, the feel of those soft lips against mine, claiming me, wanting me, loving me.

“Now, a proper picture,” he said after breaking away and turning me back into the crook of his arm, his head resting against mine as he held his phone out and snapped a couple of photos. I’m not even sure what my face was doing in that moment, but it didn’t matter. I was with him, and everything felt right as the day faded into darkness. By now the chill in the air had crept in under my coat and I was starting to shiver, so we ran back inside, our cheeks a bit reddened from the nip in the air too, but feeling a lot of things other than cold.

In the subtle lighting of the restaurant, the shadows danced across Taron’s face a bit, deepening his expressions as we talked about whatever came to mind, enjoying each other’s company immensely. The food was as amazing as it had sounded on the menus, and we were all too happy to dig in.

When we were quite done with our meals, stomachs full to bursting, Taron looked over at me, about to say something but the thought died before it left his lips. But I’d gotten to know him well enough to know when he had meant to say something and chose better of it. “What’s on your mind, T?” I asked him, and he shook his head.

“Nothing,” he hedged slightly, and I sighed.

“You can talk to me. Be honest with me, please,” I pleaded softly.

“I was just thinking about what I’d said earlier, before the waitress came to take our orders, that’s all,” he said after a moment.

“I heard what you said, Taron, it was very sweet,” I replied with a smile.

“Yeah, you heard me here,” he said, indicating his ears. “But did you hear me here?” he asked, tapping my chest lightly.

“I… yes, of course,” I said, watching him watch me in that introspective way he had that always made me feel like he saw more in me than I did.

“You have to let me in, Jess. There’s only so much I can do from the outside,” he said quietly. “I will always be here, no matter how much or how little of yourself you’re actually willing to give me. But I want it all, desperately.”

I had trouble sorting all of this out in my head as Taron realized I wasn’t going to respond and he resorted to paying the tab to fill the silence. But it wasn’t that I hadn’t heard him; I’d heard him loud and clear and I was at a complete loss for what to say. His words had struck me deeply because I knew he was genuine in that feeling, and I had to grapple with my fear and figure out a way to push past it if I were truly going to let him behind the walls.

“I think we should go somewhere else,” I said, a bit breathlessly, my heartbeat pounding in my ears even though I knew he couldn’t understand why I was suddenly nervous.

“Alright, anything for you, love,” he said, helping me back into my coat. We departed the restaurant and packed ourselves back into the car, and I once again plugged the address into Taron’s Google Maps. We drove in silence for a small space of time, his music our only accompaniment. This was the part of the plan I was most excited about, and as Taron drove us further away from the lights of the city he went “ahh” in recognition.

“You remember what happened here, don’t you?” I asked at that, and he nodded but didn’t say anything at first as we took the winding road past thickets of trees that signaled the preserve was near. We eventually got parked and I pulled the lanterns out of my duffle bag, handing one to Taron and hefting the bag over my shoulder. I slipped my gloves on and then entwined my gloved fingers in his as we walked along the worn path, our breaths puffing out into the chilly air.

“I remember the last time we were here I was a complete and utter dick. What kind of man leaves his lady in the middle of the woods to fend for herself?” he sighed, his voice loud and clear in the still night air. There was no bonfire today, not a single soul in sight as we made our way to the hidden pickup truck in the clearing in the woods, a place where we’d first really connected, and the place I had caused us both so much pain. We clambered back up into the bed of the truck after Taron had uncovered it again, settling into the cushions and covering ourselves with the blankets I’d brought with me, snuggling up to each other and staring at the stars twinkling far overhead.

“You didn’t understand what you were up against. I don’t hold that against you, at all,” I said softly, feeling his warmth radiating out as I hugged onto his body and he enveloped me with his arms. The lanterns gave us just enough light to see each other by, and he had such a soft, warm expression on his face at the moment it made my heart beat even faster, if that were possible. “I’ve tried to explain it, tried to help you understand. The things I think in my head aren’t always rational, the fears I have feel insurmountable. But it’s not about you, at all. And I need your help to grow beyond these things. Your patience, your faith in me, your love. I have been happier and I have been healing ever since I somehow tripped into your life, and I needed to speak honestly about that. It’s been a long journey, and I can’t imagine there won’t be more difficult days ahead, more times where I seem to take steps backwards and not forward. But Taron, please, don’t ever doubt how much I love you back. No matter how afraid of that I can be, the joy waiting on the other side is worth it to keep fighting. And I will fight, for us. Through everything Kevin has put me through,” I rambled slightly, my voice growing passionate at times, teary at others, trembling with the rush of my words.

I felt his arms tighten around me as I talked, watched the way his expressions changed as he reacted to what I said. “I’ll fight for you too, every damn day you let me,” he said, brushing my bangs back slightly. “I know I can’t protect you from everything, I couldn’t protect you from this. But you’re mine, and if I can help it nothing else will ever hurt you again,” he said a bit fiercely, his eyes burning with a bit of passion that I felt reach into my soul.

“I told you I needed to make a promise, and so this is it; I promise to be as kind and true to you as you’ve been with me. So,” I said, sitting up enough to unclasp the chain from around my neck, and sliding the ring off of it, tucking the chain in my pocket and taking his hand sweetly. “I think it’s time for you to put this on my finger,” I smiled softly at him, and the sheer unbridled happiness reflected back at me was worth every bit of this moment.

“Yes ma’am,” he grinned, gingerly picking the ring up and taking my left hand in his and sliding it carefully on my finger before lifting my hand to his lips and placing a sweet kiss there. “You know I’ll do this proper, of course, but you have no idea how happy this makes me,” he smiled sweetly.

“I know how perfect this moment feels,” I smiled back, wishing we could stay in that moment forever, but I already couldn’t feel my fingers or toes, and Taron wasn’t even wearing gloves, the tip of his nose already reddened from the bite of the air.

“It is perfect. I feel a bit on fire,” he said, his voice going a bit gravelly as he pulled me to him and kissed me deeply, passionately. Oh to be kissed by Taron, it was unlike anything else. He was never pushy even when he made his desires known, but there was always so much emotion behind it too. I knew without a doubt that he was never going to leave me alone in how I felt. He was always so giving of himself, and I was falling ever so much more in love with him as we kissed under the stars, wrapped up in each other until we couldn’t stand the cold anymore.

I laughed as I struggled to wrestle the blankets back in the duffle, and on half-numb legs we managed to totter our way back to the car, our teeth chattering but our laughter light and our hearts even lighter. We blasted both the heat and the Elton, singing at the top of our lungs, and I couldn’t have felt more like I belonged anywhere but by Taron’s side. He kept looking over at me as he drove, so much love in his expression I could barely stand it. This was what it was like to let him in, I thought. It wasn’t so scary after all. I knew I could trust him; I also knew that this would take a lot more work on my part to keep the gates open. Tonight was easy; tomorrow might be a struggle. But we were both ready to face that together, and making this commitment to stay together, to be each other’s one and only, bonded us far deeper.

He pulled up in front of my darkened flat and put the car in park, brushing his hand over my thigh slightly and sighing. “Really wish I didn’t have to leave you here tonight,” he said softly.

I looked up at my flat and then back at Taron, realizing that I truly didn’t want to leave him either. “You don’t,” I said quickly. “Take me home, Taron.” He gazed at me for one long instant before quickly putting the car back in gear and taking the streets he knew oh so well, driving us back to his home. We made it just inside the door before he had pushed me up against the wall, kissing me with an intense need I could only try and match. We had only been intimate once after the attack and I’d sunk into my depression; I hadn’t been able to give this to him and though we’d never spoken about it he had always respected my need for space.

But the heat and tension and desire between us now was undeniable, a force greater than my fears. I needed and wanted to give in to him as we shed our jackets in the hallway, dropping our clothes along the way to his bedroom. We fell into bed in a strange assortment of half-dressed; I was in my bra and tights while Taron was still in his jumper and boxers and one sock still on. We couldn’t care less though as we deepened our kisses, lust taking over any sort of logic as he climbed over me.

“Is this okay?” he breathed into my face, checking in with me even as his fingers dragged along the skin of my waist, leaving a trail of fire wherever he touched.

“Yes, please, I want you now,” I gasped slightly, feeling how hard he was for me already. He made quick work of our remaining clothes, his hands traveling over the curves of my body, seeking out the places that made me moan for him, still learning his way around me as I gave in to him in every way. He remembered to grab a condom and slid it on before joining our bodies, making both of us groan for each other. The sensation was heady, certainly, and I could only crave more of this intimacy. Because this was more than just having sex, or being used, or even worse, abused. Taron gave so much of himself over to me, trusted himself to me, and I knew we were only just standing at the beginning of something really beautiful together.

Neither of us needed long to find our highs together, and when he finally collapsed on top of me, his weight both familiar and comforting, I felt sure that our souls had collided too. I felt completely calm, the constant storm inside of my head subsided, at least momentarily. I ran my fingers through his messy hair, watching him as he tried to keep his eyes open, having worn himself out. It made me smile to know what we had, what I was capable of opening my heart up to. Taron made me feel strong and fierce and worthy, things I had never fully known about myself.

“I’m so grateful for you, T,” I spoke into the comfortable silence that surrounded us.

“You are my world, Jess,” he said sweetly, running his finger lightly over the band that now encircled my finger. “I won’t let you forget it,” he smiled sleepily at that. Getting to see this side of him always felt like the best part; the way he looked at me just before he fell asleep that told me we’d be together even in his dreams. And maybe we were really living inside those dreams, I thought to myself as his eyes drifted closed again and stayed that way, his body relaxing into sleep beside me.

“Oh you beautiful, beautiful man,” I said to the quiet bedroom, hardly believing I was even here right now. I closed my eyes and pulled the blankets up around us both, getting comfortable while snuggling into his body, happy for this one perfect moment at least. Laying there next to him, knowing his heart belonged to me, truly felt like being home.


End file.
